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Writer's picturebartleby

Aaron Rodgers Slams Biden; Will Not Stop Making Me Like Him Against My Will

Though I am loathe to admit it, I am a fan of the charter franchise of the National Football League, THE Chicago Bears.


I'll pause while you point and laugh.

Oh, fuck off.

This means that for the better part of the last 16 or so years, Aaron Rodgers has made my life a living fucking hell.


Rodgers' domination of Da Bears is legendary, so much so that he let us know during his latest Soldier Field triumph earlier this year:

I would've been more mad if this Crack-Smoking-Hobo-Looking Motherfucker wasn't so indisputably correct. During his career in Green Bay, the Packers QB has gone a comically absurd 22-5 against the Bears, which doesn't even include the time he beat us in the NFC Championship Game on his way to the only Super Bowl of his career.


I fucking HATE Aaron Rodgers.


He's ruined my life, just like that dick-picture-taking hay seed, Brett Favre, before him. Literally, my entire football fandom has been haunted by 30 years of Packers Hall of Fame Quarterbacks.


I'm not even going to pretend that I didn't cheer when I thought the Bears dealt him a season-ending injury during Week One of the 2018 season. They didn't, of course. In fact, Rodgers came back after half-time, erased a 17-0 deficit, won the game and shit down my throat once again.

You had to eat chipotle for a week before that game, didn't you? Asshole.

So, given my historical DISDAIN for this man, why do I find myself suffering from a very much conflicted change of heart?


Well, it basically boils down to this - Aaron Rodgers is saying things that he believes, things that are (more or less) factually accurate, but that challenge narratives built up by our media and the biomedical security state.


More specifically, in a profile published by the commies at ESPN earlier today, Rodgers dropped some bombs, including this bunker buster on Joe Biden and the White House:

Damn, he went for the jugular, basically called Biden a dementia-riddled retard right there on the pages of ESPN.


Not gonna lie, I'm impressed. What's more, Aaron was only getting started - here is what he said about censorship:

I mean, he's right - right?


I mean, I'm vaccinated and haven't (thank God) had any side-effects and recommend others get vaccinated too .... but I don't actually give a fuck if Aaron Rodgers or anyone else gets the jab. That's all he's asking for right?


I mean, they really ARE focusing their censorship efforts on people who don't align with the mainstream narrative, right?


I mean, there ARE pretty heavy incentives for the Government and Big Pharma to squash criticism, right? And we know that Big Tech isn't exactly OPPOSED to censor speech in advocacy of progressive causes right?


So . . . Aaron Rodgers has every incentive to just shut the fuck up, and he's not shutting the fuck up. Instead he's providing a voice for a lot of Americans who feel like they're losing their minds when listening to our "leaders" spew pandemic propaganda.


Dammit, why are you making me like you, Aaron Rodgers? This isn't fair, you cocksucker.


Stop being a free-thinking, advocate for the voice-less and go back to being some progressive-talking-point-spouting mongoloid I can lump in with LeBron James.


I did NOT give consent for you to make me like you. . . . you're basically committing some type of assault on me.

Stop looking at me like that you sonofabitch!

I guess it's kind of a breath of fresh air to hear a professional athlete break from the approved media sound bytes (which are almost always left-leaning) and take a stand on an issue he feels strongly about.


We don't get a lot of that on our side of the aisle, so it's nice to know we're not alone, we're not crazy.


So, where does Aaron Rodgers new found baseness leave me? I mean, I guess. . . I kind of like Aaron Rodgers now?


NO! I can't go that far, not after all he's done to me, not after ruining Brian Urlacher's last chance for a Super Bowl. . . fuck him!


So while I still may not like you, Aaron Rodgers, you have won my respect. Good luck in the playoffs, but I do still hope Joey Bosa breaks your ankle tomorrow night.


Oh well.


Happy Friday and God Bless America.




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