Bartleby is on vacation this week, so Mujahed Kobbe graciously agreed, by the will of Allah, to step in and guest blog with his own weekly digest of links from around the internet entitled "Assorted Stimulating Subjects" (which is totally different than "Tremendously Intriguing Topical Subjects") to help keep you informed of very important news! We will deliver A.S.S. (coincidental acronym) to your inbox every Friday (if you subscribe to our blog)!
VERY Important MILF Feud of 2023 News!
ASSalam wa allakCUM, what an honor it is for me to spread the message of A.S.S to the readers and infidels of the Flappr blog. Strap on your vests habibis, we are flying through the cracks of this weeks most voluptuous stories of the week.
It is abslolutely haram to be almost 4 weeks into the Most Intriguing Latin Female Feud of 2023 ("MILF Feud of 2023") combat, with out examining the most important assets these fine women have to offer. With this special between Salma Hayek and Sofia Vergara, we see their most powerful weaponry.
No thirst trap is complete without the full view of the back ends. With Hayek showing off the results of her rigorous diving lessons, giving a perfect arch into the water of hala angel tears.
A wonderful 8/10, as Prophet Mohammed (PBUM) once said "DAYM". As a follower of the prophet, I must agree. I would be amiss not to mention one of Hayek's greatest features, she is part Lebanese. I would like to think she has a little me in her.
Not to be out done, especially during her birthday month, Sofia shows off her birthday 🍑 Cake . Allah has seemed to favor Sofia as she enters her 50s.
There is no shortage of thirst or appetite for Sofia, as she pulls no punches to one up Salma in the cake game. As the resident expert for this weeks feud, we would have to give the edge to Sofia for this jiggly dance. Allah produces many miracles, and Vergara's cheeks are 2 of them.
Accordingly, based on this weeks investigative reporting on this thing the infidel Flappr totally made up, this week's MILF Feud ends in an a win to Sofia. Mushallah.
As always, we will continue to monitor The MILF Feud of 2023 for further developments.
Very Important News
Ass Slapping: About to take the Olympics by storm
If there was ever a sport invented to capture the attention of men to watch women's sports, this is it. With numbers dwindling for the WNBA and the US women's team getting their butts kicked by Scandinavians, women's sports has been bleak.
This sport has everything to be a success, from the uniforms (or lack of) to the roaring claps that echo through the arena. Most importantly, your typical wifebeater wearing, beer drinking sports fan will look at these athletes from his couch thinking "I could slap that much harder and better" this time, he would be right.
A modern take on the burka, the arab world would be better off if more of the women took on this rendition of the classic dress. With AMC's new policies with charging extra for better seats, with women like this going to the movies, they could charge up to $69 for your face to be the seat.
This ass is an insult, istafurallah... the jihad begins.
This posts puts to rest the idea that wrestlers in the WWE arent real athletes. This post also gives me the sudden urge to sit at the corner of the ring and test if the "ass thrust into my face" move is real or fake.
No Context, Beautiful Woman Wearing Sundress:
This is a safe space for me to announce that i was "this guy". Sometimes as a man you have a biological need to an ass to be firmly and harshly placed on your face. Allah has instilled this urge into us to find a quick way to heaven. There are only a couple of better ways to go out as a man, in the battel field with your closets comrades, on a plane flying through the skies of NYC, or with a 37 inch peach flying through the air straight down on your face.
There have been many instances in which Gwyneth has commit haram. This can not be forgiven, even by Allah the most merciful. As said by Prophet Mohammed (PBUM) "A person unwilling to eat the scared peach, is a person unwilling to open their hearts to heaven." Shaytan lives side by side to those who refuse to lick the sacred crack.
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I'm not a fan of muslims.
ASSalam wa allakCUM to you too buddy. Great job
This blog was asstastic!
Love, MeowMom
Never let Kobbe write T.I.T.S. again.
Anyone who licks the back crack needs to take a long, hard look in the mirror.