Folks, it's that time of year again. It's time for our annual Jubilee of Jugs, where we Honor the Heaviest of Honeydews, Celebrate the Curviest of Casabas and Laud the most Luscious of Lactators.
It's the 2024 Milkers of the Year Awards and what a year it was!
We find ourselves sitting at the dawn of a New American Renaissance. The onset of a revivalist age of American Exceptionalism, new territorial conquests, a reversion to merit over neo-Marxism, a rediscovery of appreciation of our founding principles and where magnificent mammaries, once again, reign supreme. When Reagan said "It's morning in America" . . . I think this is what he meant.
That does not mean that boobs, especially the big milky kind, are safe from attack. No, I fear that is a battle we will wage against communASSts and sick, deviant, foot-fetish freaks from now until eternity. What this does mean, however, is that we, the Breast Men of the West, have beaten degenerate ass-lovers back into their smelly, stinky, crevice of sin to plot and scheme. It means that we may, once again, enjoy the fabric-filling fruits of our labor and bask in the glory of gargantuan glands as they sit atop the cultural zeitgeist.
It means . . . we won.
So, raise a chalice of your finest dairy and enjoy this Festival of Funbags. Welcome, friends, to the 2024 Milkers of the Year Awards!
JUMP TO SECTION
Rookie of the Year
Past Champions: Tiffany Gomas (TMFINR) (2023)
Winner: Wholesome Oilers Flasher Girl (Kait Flynn)
When this Curvy Canuck popped her top at an Edmonton watch party, it unleashed more than just her Oilers-Loving-Orbs. It sparked a North American hunt for the woman who presented those Molson-Powered-Moo Moos. After a week or so, she came out of hiding and we were introduced to Kait - a cute, blue-collared, Canadian gal who said that unsheathing her bosoms "just kind of happened" after downing "eight Trulys" and barely eating anything before the game.
Kait wasn't seeking fame, but those Maple Milk Wagons captured the attention of sports fans worldwide. She set a new standard for public acts of enthusiasm-fueled public exposure (only acceptable when not pre-planned) and we fell in love with her working-class approach to her sudden internet celebrity. This Wholesome Oilers Flasher Girl didn't start a podcast, she didn't hawk a meme coin and she never tried to make eGirl her new career. Instead, she used her newfound celebrity to pose for some classy candids with Playboy, sat for a couple of interviews, and has since retired to an occasional Instagram post and her former life working at an oil field in Alberta.
That's as wholesome as a slice of Blueberry Grunt (which I believe is the Canadian analog to apple pie) and why Kait and her Enthusiastic Edmontonian Erector Perfectors are our 2024 Rookie of the Year.
ROTY Honorable Mentions: Karoline Leavitt, Hot Florida Detective, Margo Martin
Karoline Leavitt
Leavitt is a 27-year-old MILF who worked in the previous Trump administration under Kayleigh McEnany and then nearly became the youngest woman ever to be elected to the House of Representatives, falling just 15,000 votes short of winning New Hampshire's 1st Congressional District. Sweet Karoline and her Pillowy Pyramids of Persuasion will now do battle with the Fake News Media after Trump selected her to be the youngest press secretary in history. We wish Karoline and her Fabulous Freshman Fabric Fillers luck as she wages war with lizard people.
Hot Florida Detective
We don't know much about HFD (real name, Danielly De Andrade) other than she's also a fitness influencer and she randomly lit up social media while giving a press conference about the discovery of a dead body in Hollywood, Florida. HFD so captured the minds of the internet that men started posting things like "I’d let her treat me like Rodney King" and "BRB I'm headed to Hollywood, Florida to get myself arrested." after seeing her on Twitter. That's impressive.
Margo Martin
You've probably never heard of Margo Martin and you probably don't know that she's been Trump's deputy communications director since at least 2022 and delivered the final press lid of Trump's first term. That's because this 28-year-old captivating communicator doesn't seem interested in seeking the spotlight. Martin's modesty is one of the reasons why she ranks among our favorite members of Trump World. Make no mistake, Margo is model-level beautiful. In fact, Margo is so attractive that John Roberts of Fox News mistook her for Melania (the most beautiful First Lady in American history) as she entered a courthouse in 2024. Martin will resume a role in the White House press office and remain part of the most attractive administration in United States history.
IBTC Division
Reigning Champ: Anna Paulina Luna (2023), Tulsi Gabbard (2022)
Winner: Megyn Kelly
This win almost went to reigning champ, Anna Paulina Luna, but then Megyn Kelly got on her desk to dunk on Mika Brzezinski and denied APL back-to-back division crowns. This act of Medium-Milker-Mockery helped remind everyone of Megyn's lo-key MILFiness and how much fun she can be when she's feeling savage. This was a banner year for Megyn and her Moderately-Sized-Maraschinos. Kelly dominated media, attracting 116.8 million views on YouTube in July, which easily outpaced traditional media outlets like NBC (78 million) and CBS (83 million) on the platform. There might be no media person on earth who dispensed more red pills to normies and weakened traditional media more than Megyn in 2024.
This Illinois-born investigator with Lilliputian Love Launchers is one of the faces of new media, who was smart enough to adapt after her career in the dying traditional media landscape ended. Kelly is intense, she's well-read and attacks stories from her point of view as a former litigator - peeling back layers of narrative in search of the truth. Sometimes Megyn can come across as slightly mean (in a good way), which many find (including myself) as intoxicating. Megyn might be the new Queen of all Media, but for now, she's our IBTC Division Champ.
IBTC Honorable Mentions: Marjorie Taylor Greene, Anna Paulina Luna
Marjorie Taylor Greene
This Georgia firebrand with Pygmy Peaches might be a controversial honorable mention to some, but when MTG posted a photo of herself wearing a bikini - the internet and the IBTC community took notice. She says and does whacky things sometimes, but her bikini bod and Dainty-Dairy-Pillows cannot be ignored.
Anna Paulina Luna
The 2023 IBTC Division Champ and her Petite-Pagodas had a more than respectable 2024 campaign. In August, Libtards posted a video on X of Luna wearing a MAGA-printed swimsuit from her pre-congressional modeling career. This plan behind this "leak" was to, I believe, discredit this based 35-year-old RW Latina MILF who was running for re-election in Florida's 13th District - which the DNC, for some reason, believed was a flippable seat.
That plot backfired spectacularly as anyone with eyes quickly realized that Luna was stunningly beautiful and the attempt to shame her unleashed a cascade of comely conservative queens (Lauren Boebert, Ginger Gaetz, Isabella Maria DeLuca, Michelle Salzman, and Andrea Catsimatidis) who rushed to her defense by posting photos of themselves looking hot in bikinis. Luna ended up winning re-election by 9 points and the DNC money pumped into this race was kindling on Ron DeSantis' Florida Democrat bonfire.
While falling just short in her title defense, Congresswoman Luna's prospects for future IBTC division glory remain very promising. In November, she was featured on the cover of Maxim magazine, which she had originally posed for back in 2014. If this Foxy-Floridian-Flushmount continues to combat libtards and post fascinating, fun-sized, content regularly, she is a favorite to recapture her crown.
Dishonorable Mentions: Hawk Tuah
The Hawk Tuah girl could've and perhaps should've won this division (as well as been competitive in a few others). In 2024, Hawk Tuah (real name Hailey Welch) dominated American pop culture after a video of her describing her enthusiasm for phlegm-based-fellatio went viral. She parlayed that fame into the "Talk Tuah" podcast, which gained shockingly popularity. Unfortunately, Hawk Tuah's 2024 MOTY candidacy ends with a dishonorable mention due to allegations that she participated in a memecoin pump and dump scam. Welch exacerbated the damage to her reputation during an appearance on a Spaces broadcast where she tried to explain away her alleged misdeeds. After failing to adequately explain her role in this alleged scam, Hawk Tuah interrupted the discussion by stating "Anywho, I'm gonna go to bed" and then disappeared from the internet for weeks.
Very sad. A prospect taken down in her prime.
Most Talked About Milkers (MTAM) Division
Past Champions: Lauren Boebert (2023), Nancy Pelosi (2022)
Winner: Sydney Sweeney
After taking home an honorable mention in the 2023 Most Talked About Milkers Division, Sweeney claims this year's title for her own. Simply put, no set of bosoms generated more discussion than Sydney Sweeney's in 2024. What some of us had already known (and vociferously evangelized) for years hit the mainstream and dominated the discourse for an entire calendar year.
Sydney Sweeney's Communist Smashing Calcium Cannons were a content economy in and of themselves in 2024. People could not (and still cannot) stop talking or writing about Sydney Sweeney's Big Beautiful Boobs.
In January, Sweeney star began to soar as her film Anyone But You became a surprise, R-rated, box-office hit and helped re-invigorate the rom-com genre. Sweeney was so hot in the film that everyone just assumed that her co-star, Glenn Powell, was going to leave his wife to chase her around. Later that month she appeared on an episode of Hot Ones and became an instant meme for being sexy.
In February, Sweeney's next film, Madame Web, was released to near-universal mockery, but all anyone could talk about was how fucking hot Sweeney looked in the red dress (pictured above) to the People's Choice Awards.
However, March was the month the dam broke. Sweeney hosted SNL and her Scintillating Sweater Stretchers conquered America. Bridget Phetasy published an article in The Spectator titled "Sydney Sweeney has brought boobs back" which restated much of what I had been screaming from the rooftops for nearly two years. Then communists at Slate followed that up with the first of what would become many attacks over the course of the year, claiming "Sydney Sweeney's boobs are not that big", which led to the funniest community note of all time:
The remainder of the year followed accordingly.
Sweeney cut her signature long blonde locks, so social media spent a week debating the merits of the 'bob'. Some random, goblin-resembling Hollywood producer attacked Sweeney, saying Sydney was "not pretty" and "can't act", so we dunked on her until she apologized. She got some strangers arrested for trying to break into her house. She posted photos of herself on a boat that highlighted her butt and dispelled claims that she had a "flat ass". She starred in a series of commercials for a soap company, and we all bought some to review it for our blogs (ok, maybe that was just me).
The point is, that Sweeney's Honeydew Headrests were inescapable in 2024. Every time she made a post new on Instagram, it became an event - something we all talked about, never tired of, and that Brian Urlacher could not stop himself from liking
. And Sweeney did it without being political and without being at the epicenter of a scandal - instead, she did it while having a big smile on her face.
For that, she is our MTAM Division Champion.
MTAM Honorable Mentions: Nancy Mace, Sydney Thomas
Nancy Mace
Nancy Mace has big boobs and she posts videos and pictures of herself on social media nearly every day. She knows what she's doing and what she's doing is working. Mace's social media game has catapulted her into the spotlight as one of the faces of the Republican party. It has helped her garner wins on Capitol Hill, including, most recently, a new rule prohibiting men from entering the women's restroom. That sounds ridiculous, but in 2024, on Elon Musk's Twitter, Mace's Lowcountry Liberty Bells recruited an army of SIMPs and helped move the Overton window on issues in ways many thought untouchable only a year ago.
This Stacked South Carolinian is blazing toward a place on the Mt. Rushmore of Ravishing Rib Cushions but falls short of the MTAM crown.
Sydney Thomas
While many Netflix subscribers struggled to stream Logan Paul box Mike Tyson, clips and screenshots of a Buxom Blonde Bombshell with Rotund Ringside Rubberneckers flooded social media. America was introduced to Sydney Thomas. A star was born. She's a doll. She has a radiant smile. She looks like the girl next door if your neighbor was a Hawaiian Tropic model with Nature-Given-Num-Nums.
The Milker World now watches and waits to see if another Sydney might have staying power in the social media stratosphere.
MTAM Dishonorable Mention: Joy Taylor
Folks, , , it brings me no "joy" to bestow dishonor upon Ms. Taylor's Misbehaving Manpleasers. She is attractive, her bosoms are big and beautiful. Yet, because of her alleged exploits at Fox Sports, the world was subjected to Jason Whitlock's description of her "peanut butter skin". We still haven't recovered. For shame.
Comeback Milkers of the Year (CMOTY)
Reigning Champ: N/A (New Division)
Winner: Kate Upton
The CMOTY Division is new for 2024 and was developed for those Fecund Funbags that had fallen from the cultural consciousness but when they popped back up made us go "Oh yeah, remember those?"
No other set of Comeback Cannons best fits this description better than Kate Upton, who returned from retirement to the cover of the 60th Anniversary of Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Edition. Seeing Upton, who is lo-key based, back in a bikini, in all of her MILFy glory, caused many of us to do a Dairy-Double-Take and think back to the early oughts. Those were simpler times when the Swimsuit Edition was filled with Fabulously Fulsome Females and Freshly Painted Pokies. This was, of course, before Sports Illustrated went woke and replaced Grade-A Nippopotami like Upton with literal Hippopotami and literal men in the magazine.
So it was very refreshing to see Kate Upton's All-Natual Shoulder Boulders and effervescent smile back where it belongs, on the cover of a magazine. For this Nippled-Based-Nostalgia, Kate Upton takes home the inaugural CMOTY crown.
CMOTY Honorable Mentions: Lindsay Lohan, Christina Aguilera
Christina Aguilera
Aguilera and her Genie-in-a-Bottle-Button-Busters haven't been prominent in the cultural zeitgeist since she exited her job on The Voice in 2016. However, Xtina and her Dirty-Dairy-Pillows made quite a return in 2024, when the songstress started routinely posting increasingly thirsty photos of her newly toned frame and Latina Lecheros. This trend hit its apex in December when Aguilera went cloth off for her 44th birthday and posted topless candids for no reason other than to remind people that she lost a bunch of weight and is really hot. A power move.
Lindsay Lohan
We almost had to give Lohan this award because hers is a most heartwarming story. Cast off by Hollywood in humiliating fashion after battles with drug abuse and generally just being kind of a pain in the ass for producers, 2024 was Lohan's return to the spotlight. This Ginger with Gallon-sized Grommets starred in two movies released on Netflix, appeared in the remake of Mean Girls and it was announced that she would be returning to co-star in a sequel to Freaky Friday. While many Hollywood Starlets' flameouts end in tragedy, it would appear that Lohan's story might have a happy ending.
Vintage Milk Vessels Division
Reigning Champ: Martha Stewart (2023)
Winner: Sarah Palin
For 2024, we renamed the Senior Sandbag Division to the Vintage Milk Vessels Division because the former sounded negative and derisive. That was never our intention and we believe that this new name helps articulate that these 60-year-old-plus Milkers are like a fine wine, and only get better with age.
Nobody embodies this concept better than the Godmother of all MAGA MILFs, former Alaska Governor and Vice Presidential candidate, Sarah Palin. This recently divorced conservative cougar reminded everyone of her MaveRACK persona when she came to the defense of Anna Paulina Luna by posting a video of herself in a bikini with her You-Betcha-Bobbers frolicking around in the ocean.
This woman was pilloried by the same media who incessantly cried about "the patriarchy". Well, it took 20 years, but it would appear Palin and her Hockey-Mom-Howitzers have gotten the last laugh. Legacy media is dying, Trump won, Palin looks amazing and she's our 2024 VMV Division Champ.
VMV Honorable Mentions: Elizabeth Hurley, Marissa Tomei
Elizabeth Hurley
There isn't a month that goes by where someone doesn't send us a photo or video that Elizabeth Hurley posted on Instagram. She remains among the hottest Brits of the last century. She does not appear to age and she refuses to stop being saucy and attractive. Hurley's English Muffins are formidable and one of the few remaining vestiges of a once great empire.
Marissa Tomei
Tomei received an honorable mention this year solely based on the leg-kicking video posted above, which a random account posted on X to honor Tomei's 60th birthday in December. That one tweet garnered 128 MILLION views, not including the countless times it was reposted by others. It took decades, but people finally realized that this Paisana with Perky Palloncinos was way hotter than they remembered in My Cousin Vinny. Good for her. Palloncinos is the Italian word for Balloon, that's a clever reference. Good for me.
Mommy Milky Division
Reigning Champ: Nancy Mace (2023), Lara Logan (2022)
Winner - Nancy Mace
The Mommy Milky Division is like the AL East or NFC East of the 1990s and 2000s - it's where most of the blue-chip talent resides and where most Breast in Show Champions are found. Mommy Milkies are mammaries in their purest form - full of life-giving sustenance and designed by God to cause a biological reaction in infants and milk sommeliers alike.
That Nancy Mace has won back-to-back Mommy Milky Division titles is no small feat. She is the first competitor to ever win the same division twice, let alone repeat as champion, and to do it in the vaunted MM Division is Legendairy (intentional misspelling for comedic purposes).
But Nancy Mace's Big Boobs fit the bill. They're epic, they're milky, they're perfectly shaped and people can't get enough of them. How do we know? Because we run this blog and can see trends. On days when new photos of Nancy Mace looking positively bosomy drop on social media, Flappr.net sees increased internet traffic because perverts take to Google and search the phrase "nancy mace boobs" or "nancy mace tits" or "nancy mace big tits" or some derivation thereof. And when such perverts do inevitably search for that phrase, they come across Flappr's 2023 Milkers Of The Year Award blog. Nancy Mace's Palmetto State Pontoons are so sought after that a term was created to describe the sudden increase in web traffic . . . we call it the Macey Milker Effect.
That type of phenomenon only occurs when a special set of Curvaceous Conservative Casabas takes center stage. The special kind of boobs that took down a tubby, race-baiting, Marxist professor panelist on CNN for being pevy in her DMs. The special kind of boobs that triggered libtards for wearing a blue dress that accentuated her curves and made her eyes pop. The special kind of boobs that wore a scarlet letter shirt in the halls of the Capitol. The special kind of boobs who randomly followed us on Twitter a few months back. The special kind of boobs who just took home back-to-back Mommy Milky Division Crowns.
Honorable Mention: Heidi Klum, Lauren Boebert, Brittany Mahomes
Heidi Klum
Heidi's Gigantic West German Germknödels were everywhere this year. She showed them prominently and persistently in 2024, using every milker maneuver in the book! We're talking side boob, inner boob, under boob, over boob, wet t-shirt boob, hand-bra boob - name a boob-exposing tactic and she utilized it in her boobie-blitzkrieg of social media thirst posts.
In any other year, she might have taken home the MM Division, if not Breast in Show, but the competition was so fierce this year that her Fecund Funbags from Ze Fatherland ended up with only a very, very, honorable mention.
Lauren Boebert
Our 2023 MTAM Division and Milkers of the Year Award Winner takes home an honorable mention based mostly on reputation. This Colorado Congresswoman with Grand Junction Jawdroppers had a much more reserved year in 2024. She was not caught giving an over-the-pants, old-fashioned during a theatre production of Beetlejuice. And her main contribution to Milker discourse this year - a bikini photo that revealed her extensive body art - was posted by Ginger Gaetz, not Boebert herself. Still, Boebert looked amazing in that photo and it remains one of the most frequently reposted mammary-related images on X to this day. That alone earns Boebert an honorable mention.
Brittany Mahomes
People love to dump on Brittany Mahomes, but she looked good in her SI photoshoot and when everyone tried to bully her into retracting her support of Donald Trump . . . she refused. Moreover, Brittany started dating Patrick Mahomes back in high school, when he was just a dude with weird hair and a squeaky voice. Much respect for that. Brittany might annoy the fuck out of people, but she might be the most supportive significant other in the NFL right now and her three super bowl rings rank second to none among current player wives.
What's more, Brittany is currently pregnant with her third child, so these Kansas City Cantaloupes are the most milk-filled mommy milkies in the division this year.
BREAST IN SHOW
THE 2024 MILKERS OF THE YEAR AWARD
Past Champions: Lauren Boebert (2023), Lara Logan (2022), Ghislaine Maxwell (2021)
Up from five divisions in 2023, we now have SIX division champions...
And now, the moment you have all been waiting for, the GRAND DADDY OF THEM ALL, the winner of Flappr's 2024 Milkers of the Year Award goes to...
***drumroll please***
(click and watch the video)
They are big. They are magnificent. They are Flappr's 2024 Milkers of the Year.
Only fucking morons will question this choice. Sure, Mace's Machiavellian Milk Fountains won the MM Division and earned an honorable mention in MTAM, but Sweeney's Ravishing Rib Cushions were more than just a pair of Gorgeous Glands - they were a cultural touchstone that CHANGED THE WORLD.
In 2024, we watched as Sweeney's Glamorous Gobsmackers conquered the Globe and celebrated as she led a Round Mounds Revolution, putting the Kardashian communASSts to the sword. Sweeney is a modern-day George Washington with Winsome Watermelons and if not for her willingness to suffer the slings and arrows, the good vibes we feel heading into 2025 might never have happened.
Because make no mistake about it, Sydney Sweeney represents something that communist ass lovers hate. She's fun and effervescent. She's feminine. She's blonde. She's the All-American Girl. Sweeney was the throwback breath of fresh air that America needed to break the spell of depressive self-hate that had taken root during the past decade. And for that, she was mercilessly targeted by those flailing to maintain a gluetocentric world order. They tried to cancel her for having conservative family members, said she couldn't act, and claimed she "wasn't pretty". When none of that worked, they photographed her on her day off, called her "fat", a "catfish" and tried to brand her "Midney Sweeney".
None of that mattered. Sydney Sweeney marched onwards, undaunted. When they said she had a "flat ass", she posted photos of her heart-shaped heinie, broke the internet, and became a conKEISTERdora.
When they claimed her "boobs weren't that big" she laughed it off with a sweatshirt that read "sorry for having great tits". When she felt she needed a new challenge, she threw on a raven-haired wig for the Met Gala and instantly became America's Big Tiddy Goth GF. No matter the obstacle, Sweeney's Hallowed Hollywood Heavies met it head-on and came out on top. Taking a step back, everyone should realize that no other Dairy-Endowed Debutant could've won this year's Milkers of the Year.
Men adore her, women want to be her, it's Sydney Sweeney's world, she's NOT sorry for having great tits, and the rest of us are just along for the ride.
Congratulations to Sydney Sweeney, Flappr's 2024 Milkers of the Year.