Is "bush" back? Well, according to the NY Post (part of the Murdoch Media Empire - renowned for publishing articles about women who refuse to shave), Gen Z'ers are "roaring for more untamed manes". This is newfound respect for hairy honey pots apparently stems from an Etsy review that featured a photo of an unkept cooter in a bikini bottom. Some TikTok creator discovered that review, posted a video where she repeats "full bush in a bikini" like a demonic Gregorian chant.
That video went super viral, collecting over 15 million views, and has inspired a trend of like-minded weirdos who view a furry forest as "freeing" and "feminist". Cosmo followed suit, declaring 2025 "The Year of the Bush". And just like that -bang, boom, pow - we have a new cultural catastrophe on our hands.
**sigh**
Pubic hair styling norms are a topic that I have avoided discussing.
While I led the crusade against Rupert Murdoch's hairy woman war machine for years, that battle was against propaganda attempting to convince women to stop shaving their legs and pits . . . but not so much their 'bits'. It would seem, however, that the time has come for us to gather and determine what constitutes acceptable female pelvic grooming standards for 2025.
I do not take such discussions lightly, but I understand my role here - I am a thought leader who identified this issue years before the johnny-come-latelys at EVIE and others who now recognize the danger on the hair-pie-horizon. I am a cultural thought-leader with impeccable taste and an envoy between men and women who bridges "gaps" and finds the "middle ground". I am here and I am reporting for duty.
Some history should help us in this pubic peregrination (it means "journey", very clever, credit to me).
The historical background of bush is a coarse, bristly, tangled web of tastes and customs. The ancient Egyptians, for example, shaved every hair on their bodies using flint-made razors. Likewise, the Greeks and Romans viewed pubic hair as "fucking gross", so their women plucked themselves bare as a sign of wealth. A razed shire was key to having a high-status-snizz for ladies of the Roman Empire.
Then, in the Middle Ages, an untamed thicket that spread throughout the corridor of a woman's nether regions became a sign of good health. Such was the case that, in the 1450s, prostitutes would don merkins, or pubic wigs, to hide their lice-infested spinneys had been shaved.
A furry grove remained the norm throughout most of the 20th Century, with the term "70s bush" becoming an identifiable and illustrative term to describe this particular type of coochie coiffure. Demi Moore is perhaps the most famous adopter of this style, as depicted in her Penthouse Magazine "spread" in 1981 (Google at your own risk). While such a sight may cause a visceral reaction now, full "Demi Moore Bush" did not raise eyebrows to horny old men at the time.
But the then something happened in the 1990s. Women found their razors and started getting creative. Landing strips. Hearts. Charlie Chaplins. And, for the adventurous? Lightning bolts or downward facing Doritos pointing toward the fertile crescent.
This trend would not last, however, as women of the aughts began scouring the shire once more - with the Brazilian waxing industry increasing 11% each year for the past decade. The bald eagle landed and remained the peak pubic pattern until now when the NY Post proclaimed that "bush is back".
So, is it true? Is bush back? It's difficult say.
To many, bush never went out of fashion, and I have no desire to police the pubic grooming habits of women. Nor do I have no intention to serve as a proverbial Homeowners Association for Hoohahs - handing out fines for flawed feline follicle fashions! You people don't pay me enough for that task!
But the sexes do need to reach some mutual understanding on mons pubis presentation. This is necessary for healthy relations between the sex and as always, my aim is to seek common ground - a place where men and women can operate with shared values and expectations.
To that end, I present to you The Preen New Deal, a new standard of guidelines for maintaining the mound. And that's all it is maintenance - just maintain whatever you got, however you so desire. "Groomed" is the proper standard moving forward. What 'groomed' means to each woman may vary, it could mean a Bermuda Triangle to some, or polished hard "would" floors to others. What it would exclude by definition, however, is any untamed, overgrown, thatches of thigh cover that often include flora invasive to the bunghole region.
What it would exclude, by definition, is any untamed, overgrown, thatches of thigh cover that often include flora invasive to the bunghole region. You see, unkept yards are emblematic of dilapidated, ramshackle, neighborhoods that run afoul of the broken windows theory, which posits that if a window in a building is broken and is left unrepaired, all the rest of the windows will soon be broken. It follows that if a bush is left unshaven, the remainder of a woman's body hair will soon be unshaven. We're talking hairy legs, pits, and who knows what else.
So, yeah, "groomed" is the standard. It's simple, just trim your bush. Nobody is expecting you to spend hundreds for a painful and humiliating Brazilian wax. Most of us don't even like that! Just keep it tidy. Nothing peeking outside the bikini zone. Doesn't have to be in any particular style, but it can be if that's what floats you boat! Want to fashion your mons pubis like a runway? You're clear for landing, cap'n! Shave a bald eagle on there or go complete bald eagle. We don't care!
It just can't be some super hairy mess. This is not Europe. This is America. We should not have to live that way. That's why I am asking you to accept and embrace The Preen New Deal. It's a very practical proposal. Wear your pubeys however you want, so long as you maintain them. Deal? Good. Crisis averted.
You're welcome, America.
