In Defense of Sydney Sweeney (Not Mid)

What follows is for the people who engaged in Sydney Sweeney slander that one day in December 2024 - the rest of you can just go read the 2024 Milkers of the Year Award (which Sweeney won) or sit and silently nod along with the harsh truths I feel compelled to share. . . .

Alright, you stupid motherfuckers, I don't know who needs to hear this, but Sydney Sweeney is not "fat", "average looking", or a "catfish". Sydney Sweeney is objectively attractive by any non-communist standard of beauty.

She even looks good in the photos above, which set off a disgraceful and shameful flurry of posts calling her "mid". Do you ignorant cunts realize that she wasn't aware she was being photographed? Didn't you notice she wasn't wearing makeup? Don't you get that these photos intended to be capture her in her least flattering state, but failed even within that context?

I know that you have a LeBron James-level, room temperature IQ, but you're aware that women pose for photos, right? They don't ask their friends to photograph them hunched over while adjusting their bikini with their hair thrown up in a bun. No, they position themselves in flattering poses to present the best version of themselves. Posing is not new. People have been posing for as long as we have been trying to capture human beauty on visual mediums.

Take, for example, Michelangelo's David.

Look at how David is standing with his weight on his right foot and his other leg forward. The Italians call this pose 'contrapposto' or 'counterpoise' and it serves two primary purposes here: 1) it conveys to the viewer a sense of potential energy, like David is about to move, which helps bring the sculpture to life; and 2) the pose contorts David's hips and shoulders to rest at opposing angles, giving a slight s-curve to his entire torso to emphasize his toned abs, and specifically, his cum-gutters (this is a scientific term, not my own).

David didn't spend all that time doing Goliath-Conquering-Crunches only to be memorialized as a soft-bodied shepherd, hunched over while eating sheep rectum or whatever the fuck they used to eat. No, David was a conquering hero, and Michaelangelo, while doing David no favors in the dick-size department, understood that he should be remembered as having an impressive fizeek.

This is no different than why women pose in the photos they post on social media. This is also why they wear makeup, take dozens of photos from various angles, and edit before sharing them with the world. Every woman does this and it's not a secret. They just want to look attractive. It's good for the ego. It doesn't mean that "they're ugly" or "have gotten fat" or "are a catfish" - it just means that if a paparazzi unexpectedly photographs someone relaxing poolside in Florida, in their backyard, they might not look exactly the way they do in a magazine spread, you cretinous cock gobblers.

Ron DeSantis should find and imprison the paparazzo who took these photos. Not because Sweeney doesn't look attractive in them (she does, still very much 'would'), but because this was an invasion of her privacy. No, I'm not kidding. Arrest them, Governor DeSantis. That would be true leadership.

Fellas, , , if you unironically typed out the words "Midney Sweeney" last week, I cannot help you because you're either gay, retarded, or a hopelessly gay retard.

If you look at this woman and think to yourself "She's ugly", then you're fucked in the head. You've cranked your hog too much and consumed too much internet pr0n. You have gooner sensibilities. You're cum drunk. You have been poisoned by internet contrarianism. You're un-fucking-salvageable. You should move to a cave with your waifu pillow and leave the rest of us alone.

And ladies, , , if you saw those photos and felt the need to pile on about how Sweeney is only "average looking" with "OK boobs", well, you're as dull as the SIMPs who eagerly nod along with every stupid thing you post. I also don't think you fully comprehend the implications of Sydney Sweeney being just "average looking" because if Sweeney's only a 5 or a 6, then . . . yeeeeesh, what the hell are you? We might need to invent a new beauty scale for you because you're a bearded cave troll if Sydney Sweeney is only average.

Finally, if you're a conservative who participated in this Marxist psyop, then you might be the most self-sabotaging twat of them all. Sweeney is conservative coded. She's fun. She's a throwback. She's an All-American Girl. She's blonde. When was the last time Hollywood produced a new blonde, A-list actress who dominated the cultural zeitgeist? I can't think of one in the past decade. Sweeney conquered Hollywood without ever REALLY supporting any Libtard causes.

In fact, in 2022 when Libtards came to cancel her because partygoers at her mom's birthday party wore MAGA-style hats emblazoned with “Make Sixty Great Again,” Sweeney didn't even apologize. Instead, she stood firm, posted a tweet saying that the outrage was "absurd", that the hats weren't a political statement, and told people to "stop making assumptions" and said she loved her mother. That's as close as Sydney Sweeney can come to winking at the camera without ruining her career. She may not come out and SCREAM that she's "our gal" because her silence on all things political does that for her.

The fates handed conservatives Sydney Sweeney. We watched as her Glamorous Gobsmackers conquered the Globe. We celebrated when she put the Kardashians to the sword and liberated the West from cultural ass-centricity. And how did you appreciate this good fortune? How did we repay Sweeney for ushering in a new age of Mommy Milkies? By calling her fat for social media points and making her cry. The communASSts set a trap and you all fell for it - eagerly slandering this Queen for the crime of being a normal biological female. This is why we lose.

You people are no better than the climate homos who threw a can of soup on the Mona Lisa. You're fucking retards and you disgust me.

Leave Sydney Sweeney alone.