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Serious Matters & Unfolding Trends - 10.18.24

It’s news. It’s sports. It’s commentary on weird shit from around the internet.


It’s Serious Matters & Unfolding Trends, our weekly digest of curated links designed to keep you abreast of very important news!


Editor's Note: Please do not Google "Nancy Mace Boobs" or "Boebert Boobs".


 

Serious Matters & Unfolding Trends!




I was not aware that Lindsay Lohan had a "total slut" rule for Halloween, but with the big day fast approaching, perhaps it's time we consider this Serious Matter. I'm around the same age as Ms. Lohan and I can recall the Halloweens of our 20s and while young women dressed slutty, I don't know if they dressed quite as slutty as they do in the year of our Lord, 2024.


Perhaps, there is a middle ground here. Perhaps instead of the "total slut" rule, we adopt the "partial slut" rule, or maybe even roll with "tastefully slutty" or a "pinch of slut" instead? "Softly slutty" still provides plenty of runway to turn heads at the Tri-Delt's "Boo Bash" kegger or your pervy neighbor's spooky swingers soiree.


I may not speak for all men on this issue, but I prefer "wholesome with a dash of slut" when it comes to Halloween costume culture. A nurse costume that consists of a white coochie skirt, crop top, and mid-thigh fishnets is just too slutty. No nurse would ever dress that way and if one did, well, I wouldn't let that dumb slut insert a catheter up my urethra, thank you very much!



No, to my tastes, a slightly slutty Little Red Riding Hood is much more preferable. A velvet-red cloak, finger-length skirt, white knee-high socks, and a dash of tasteful, slutty, cleavage will make any wolf howl (once they've collected their tongue from the floor). Yes, that amount of slutty is just enough to make everyone happy and horny without feeling like attendees of a Diddy's "Freak Out" party.



Yes, this amount of slutty is not too hot or not too cold . . . it's the juuuust righ-oh fuck, that's from Goldilocks and I mixed up my slutty fairytales . . . **sigh**


Anyways, you get the idea - let's keep it classy this year, folks.




Father-son/mother-daughter team-ups are typically cool and memorable. Like when Ken Griffey, Jr. and Ken Griffey, Sr. became the first father-son teammates in MLB history when they played 51 games together on the Mariners back in 1991.


That was cool. It would not have been cool if Ken Sr. and Ken Jr. threw on jock straps and posed seductively together. That would be very weird and disturbing.



Heidi and Leni Klum posing together in lingerie is less disturbing, but is still pretty disturbing nonetheless. There are just some things that you don't do with your children and modeling in underwear is one of them.


This is part of an Unfolding Trend I've noticed lately - kids collaborating with their moms to make adult-oriented content. A few months back, Drea de Matteo (Adriana from the Sopranos, whom I love), shared that her son edits photos for her OnlyFans page. I cannot fathom being a teen and airbrushing my mother's areola out of a photo that she planned to post on a subscription wank-off website.



In August, a former Miss BumBum contestant told the Daily Star that her 18-year-old son filmed her adult content. They admitted in an interview that he was grossed out after he filmed one scene that got, in her words, "messy". Yeah, I mean, fuck . . . Jesus . . . it's his mother. Egad, I think I'm going to vomit.


Now, while Heidi and Lani's public Brandishing of their Brilliant Bavarian Klum Kannons doesn't rise to the level of filming your mom soiling the bedsheets, it's still unnatural and wrong. You can be a model. Your beautiful daughter can also be a model. You can support her career in ways that do not involve the two of you posing together in your underwear. Maybe team up for a fully clothed photoshoot instead! That seems like a fair balance to me.


I worry that we are tempting God to break his covenant with Noah and flood the world once more. In my opinion, the real threat of climate change is not from the carbonization of the earth, it's from women and their children collaborating on eGirl content. Suck on that, Greta Thunberg (but please don't suck on anything with either of your parents).




You are probably not an artist, but I am an artist, and I understand what it means to sacrifice for your art. My canvas is this blog, where I work tirelessly each week to provide you with witty, insightful commentary on the happenings of the week - like that dude who filmed his mom's gushing performance for OnlyFans.


So, when I read that Sydney Sweeney is taping down her set of Signature Sapodillas for a movie, I understand why - she's an artist, like me, suffering for her craft. According to the article, Sydney is starring in a biopic on the life of Hall of Fame boxer, Christy Martin and has throttled her glamorous globes in an effort to accurately portray the pugilist whose punching bags were relatively small. This means that our favorite Sweater-Stretching Star of the Silver Screen must undergo "a really painful process" of "strapping them down" each day prior to shooting. Sources on the set say that Sweeney is "in agony as they are having to be taped back" but that "she thinks it’s worth it for the job."



Of course, she thinks that because Sydney Sweeney is a fucking auteur whose passion for making quality art is only outweighed by her effervescent personality and dense dairy dumplings. I am not shocked that Sweeney, who also apparently got ripped for this role, has gone full Daniel Day-Lewis method acting for this film . . . but I do wonder if this part was the right choice for this stage of her career.


In past editions of this blog, I have lamented some choices made for Sweeney's career by her management team (Madame Web, most notably). Fresh off one of the biggest breakout years in recent Hollywood history, is having Sydney's sweet face bloodied and beautiful bosoms bound the best thing for her career right now?

I applaud Sydney's desire to embrace more challenging material, but she's still in the fledgling stage of what we all hope is a long and decorated career. Charlize Theron uglified herself to play a burly butch lesbian in Monster, but that came long after she had already established herself in films that hot-girl roles in films like The Devil's Advocate and Reindeer Games. I hope this movie is worthy of the sacrifices Sweeney is making for her love of the game.



She deserves nothing less.




In case you thought there was something Sydney Sweeney couldn't do, today we learned that she also catches bad guys. According to the Daily Caller, Sweeney was filming the Chrissy Martin biopic when she received an alert from her security cameras and discovered a "neigborhood burglar" sneaking around her Los Angeles property at 3:30 a.m. Undaunted, Sweeney called to police to alert them of the situation, who then tracked down this "burglar", who had also robbed other homes in the area, arresting and charging the individual with felony robbery.


And just like that . . . the legend of Sydney Sweeney grows once again. She is a now a Crime Fighting Femme Fatale with Fabulous Fun Bags. Good for her. Honestly, the fact that this story came out and I haven't seen one purpose post something like "why did call the police on the man who was robbing her, they might have shot him" is a testament to Sweeney's power over the culture. She could've gone the Seth Rogen route and suggested that people who live should just learn to accept being robbed, but she didn't because she's Sydney Sweeney and she will put your fucking ass in prison! And the people rejoiced.



Do not be shocked if this latest act of valor catapults Sweeney to the top of Donald Trump's list of choices for Attorney General. Could you blame him? Would she be any worse than what we've seen the past four years? I kid (sort of), but one thing is clear - this is Sydney Sweeney's world and the rest of us are just along for the ride.

 

News! News! News!


Kamala Harris x Bret Baier: The Fox News Interview



Kamala Harris ventured into the "Lion's Den" and sat down for an interview with Bret Baier. I've always had respect for Baier (despite his name "Bret" (with one T) coming across as odd and un-American). I think Baier does one thing that very few people in the news industry do these days - he takes his job seriously. Baier feels like the one contemporary anchor who would fit in any era of TV News.


That being said, I didn't find the interview itself particularly interesting. Baier's questions were fine, and he certainly pressed Harris harder than anyone else, but he was unable to get her to provide answers to much of anything. According to Baier, she arrived fifteen minutes late and her minions ended the interview early. They had a plan for how to manage this appearance and they didn't deviate.


As expected, she dodged everything on the border, the economy, and her support for taxpayer-funded gender reassignment surgery for illegals and prisoners. Perhaps the most interesting exchange during this sit-down was when Baier asked the Vice President "When did you first notice that Joe Biden’s mental faculties appeared diminished?” and she awkwardly paused for a moment before puking up some word salad non-answer. That was probably her worst moment of the evening. The funniest moment came during this exchange where Harris tried to explain how she would turn the page on the last 10 years when she has been VP for 3.5 years of them:



Judging her overall performance is wholly dependent on where you reside on the political spectrum. Republicans on social media mocked her for being a low-IQ bimbo who couldn't answer a question without bringing it back to Donald Trump. Libtards praised her for being a High IQ warrior who endured Baier's biased questioning by bringing everything back to Donald Trump.


My analysis on Harris . . . somewhere closer to "she was terrible" but not quite. She didn't provide any substance for her case to the American people, but she didn't wilt when asked probing questions or Baier's follow-ups. She wasn't Biden debate bad. She survived. She checked the "I did a Fox News interview" box. This appearance did not garner her any votes, but she didn't humiliate herself like some thought she would. I'll give her a C-/D+.


The train chugs along, 18 days until America votes.



Trump x Bussin With The Boys: The Interview



Donald Trump did an interview this week with Bussin With The Boys, a Barstool Sports podcast hosted by former NFL players Will Compton (almost ten years) and Taylor Lewan. The interview was similar to the other podcasts Trump has done this election cycle - he seemed a little more tired than usual, but he was personable, witty, and a far cry from the literal Orange Hitler caricature built up by the media.


The best part of this sit down was when Trump and the hosts just talked about sports. Trump spent a good portion of this hour-long video riffing on his love for golf and baseball, how he tried to purchase the Buffalo Bills, and the story of Wally Pip. The Trump quote that got headlines, however, came when Trump described his high school football career. Trump said that he played tight end but didn't love it because he didn't like getting hit by some guy "who was lifting weights all day long and came from a bad neighborhood". The Washington Post, likely inferring some negative connotation to that description, reached out to Will Compton for a comment on "why he laughed" at Trump's joke. The former linebacker who played for 4 NFL Teams filmed himself farting in response to the Post's bad faith inquiry.


I am, however, surprised that Trump did a Barstool interview with someone other than Dave Portnoy, who interviewed Trump at the White House back in 2020. Not taking anything away from BWTB, but Portnoy and Trump would've done bigger numbers and would've been more captivating. Portnoy has already publicly endorsed Trump, so one would think that he'd let him interview him again. Portnoy suggested he'd be open to speaking with Trump again on yesterday's episode of The Unnamed Show. He also shared that the Harris campaign reached out to Barstool and offered Portnoy and Barstool's most popular podcast, Pardon My Take, the chance to interview her but said both turned her down.


The 2024 election has been our first true podcast election. Trump and RFK Jr. revolutionized the game in this way, making podcast appearances as far back as 2023, highlighting how long-form interviews can help humanize candidates in a way that MSNBC or Fox News hits never could. There are certainly drawbacks to this approach. Namely, podcasts aren't really interviews, they're conversations and the people who host these conversations are not the type to ask probing questions. For instance, you're not going to get substantive questions on trade policy from a sit down on Call Her Daddy. So as politicians on podcasts becomes more prevalent, voters won't necessarily become more informed. On the whole, I like this trend, but I do hope it evolves into something slightly more substantive.



The one where Robert Stacey McCain shares thoughts on the:


"Google is running a Democratic Party propaganda operation, deliberately suppressing access to any information source that might contradict the preferred political narrative. Some stories — the ones most damaging to Democrats — are literally impossible to find using Google, and the only way anyone knows about these stories is because they go directly to the source (e.g., the UK Daily Mail, Gateway Pundit, etc.) or because they see it via social media. What does Google’s search-result suppression do? It divides the country into two groups — those who only know what Google wants them to know, and those who, for whatever reason, actively seek out alternative media sources."


This is undoubtedly true, in my opinion, and is the reason why search on all Google-owned products sucks so hard these days. At some point in the past decade, Google, likely at the behest of "misinformation experts" decided it wanted to stop ranking things based on popularity and get into the editorializing game. When it did this, Google became perhaps the most powerful company to ever exist because control over information is power and Google is the world's gate keeper to what you can find and how you can find it.


When you have time, go search for slightly controversial topic on Google and see how many links you must scroll before you find any conservative voice on the issue. Go do the same on YouTube (owned by Google) and see how many quality results it provides. Now consider the number of people who lack the will or curiosity to search for sources that do not confirm the information provided to them by Google. If you can control what information people can find, you control what people know and what people believe.


Your next question should be - what can be done about this? This is where classical liberal, free market principles are their weakest. Google is a private company and should be free to operate as it sees fit. But Google also for 91% of the global search market, meaning there is no real free market to compete with Google and provide users with a better search alternative (Bing sucks too). So, I don't really have an answer here, but it would be nice if more people in the conservative space start prioritizing this moving forward.


Odds and ends

 

Sports! Sports! Sports!




The 43 points scored in this game (congrats to people who bet the over) were the least exciting 43 points I've seen in a game for a while. Terrible, boring, game.


You see that the Broncos scored 33 points, and you'd think that Bo Nix might have put up some stats - but you'd be wrong. He threw went 16/26 for 164 yards for 0 TDs and 0 INTs and a 79.6 passer rating, which reads like a stat line from Trent Dilfer for the 2000 Ravens. Let's be honest, that's a pretty limp Bo-ner.


Spencer Rattler, who looks like a henchman from a movie about a dystopian Marxist future where race no longer exists and everyone is a strange shade of khaki, somehow had a better passer rating (82.1) despite throwing for only 172 yards on 25 completed passes! He had a 4.9 average per pass attempt!



He lost two fumbles for touchdowns! That's bad! The only quarterback to throw a TD in this game was Saints third-stringer John Haener! What the fuck is a John Haener?! The Saints are an absolute dumpster fire. The team that started 2-0 and led the league in scoring has lost five straight. They've scored a total of 10 points in their last 6 quarters of football (7 of which came on a last second touchdown down by 30). Their stars are either old, injured or old and injured. Worst of all, the Saints look like they've quit. Coach Dennis Allen's days might be numbered . . .




I shower Bill Belichick with a lot of praise on this website, but I don't share nearly enough love for Jim Harbaugh. This is going to upset the Buckeyes in my audience but I love Harbaugh and his narrowminded meathead approach to football and life. When it became apparent that he was leaving Michigan, I hoped the Bears would fire Matt Eberflus and bring Harbaugh in to coach the team that drafted him 26th overall in 1987. The Bears didn't (because they're soft), but they should have.


You want someone like Jim Harbaugh coaching your team because his entire existence depends on football. It's all he knows, all he thinks about, and the lens by which he views every issue. He has no hobbies because his hobby is football. When asked about dining experiences during a trip to Paris, Harbaugh replied: “I’m not a food critic, merely a blunt instrument who only knows football" and I don't think he was joking.


They just don't seem to make 'em like Harbaugh anymore, who once described his life's plan as "I knew from the very youngest age that I was going to play football, then coach, then die. I never thought about a deviation from that plan." I love that shit and cannot get enough of a dude who ceased eating poultry because chickens are "nervous birds" and says he "take(s) a vitamin every day - it's called a steak."


So, it's no shock that Harbaugh would return to the sidelines after being examined for a heart arrhythmia before kickoff against the Broncos. And it's no shock that the Chargers won, that this had happened before to Harbaugh, or that he's "2-0 with arrhythmias". If having arrhythmias guaranteed his team a win, the King of Khakis would beg team doctors to fuck up his heartbeat before each game.



The Chargers sit at 3-2 and are playing winning football. Unlike previous seasons, they've committed to running the ball to take pressure off of Justin Herbert and they're playing tough defense, ranking in the top 10 in yards per game and in takeaways. In other words, they're playing like a Jim Harbaugh coached them.


When Jim Harbaugh says "Attack each day with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind", he means it. Harbaugh is the genuine article and sports are way more fun with football guys like him around.




Sidney Crosby is one of those guys who I'll never be able to view as an aging veteran. He'll always be "Sid the Kid" to me, even though he's 37 years old, won 3 Stanley Cups, 2 gold medals, and played in almost 1300 NHL games. The same applies to Patrick Kane and a few others. I assume This is probably because if I accept that Crosby or Kaner are getting old, then I must accept that I am getting old as well, and fuck you if think I'm ready for that conversation.


So, it was a bit unnerving to see him reach to watch him rack up his 1600th point on Wednesday night. Same for Evgeni Malkin who scored his 500th career goal in the same game. These dudes were drafted a year apart and have been playing together since Malkin came to the United States in 2006. They've won together, gone through rebuilds together, they saved the Penguins franchise together. So it was cool to see Crosby dish a pass between his legs to set up Malkin's 500th.


But 2006 was a long time ago and the last two seasons haven't been great for Pittsburgh. After reaching the playoffs for 16 consecutive seasons, the Penguins have missed them in the last two, through no fault of Crosby or Malkin - who have continued to put up impressive numbers into their late 30s. This duo undoubtedly wants to make one last run together before they hang up their skates, but whether they can depends on the talent around them (which is . . . meh).


The Penguins won this game by the way, in overtime, on a goal from Sid the Kid:



When Crosby, Malkin, Kane, and Alexander Ovechkin retire, an entire generation of hockey will retire with them and that makes me feel sad . . . and old.


Hockey: the Colorado Avalanche are winless and their goalie still sucks.



The Colorado Avalanche (who are very talented and should threaten for the Stanley Cup) are currently winless and have given up a league-worst 25 goals through four games. In his three starts this season, Colorado's goaltender, Alexandar Georgiev, has faced 85 shots and allowed 17 goals, which works out to a 5.79 GAA and a .800 SV%. For those of you unfamiliar with NHL stats and standards, that's not good . . . that's about as bad as you can get.


This is humorous to me because Flappr Chief Legal Correspondent, @jarvis_best, is a diehard Avs fan and can be a miserable prick when his team wins, so I figured it would be fun to kick him when they're down. For insight into the Avalanche's early struggles, I reached out to Jarvis for comment, and here is what he shared with me for publication:



Aww, that's too bad.




Well . . . this seems like an opportunity to apply the "tastefully slutty" standards for Halloween costumes I just invented above, no?


My inherent bias here is to say Paige satisfies the slightly slutty standard because I like Paige. Yet, I am a journalist and must be objective. So, when I say that Paige has not gone "total slut" with this creepy clown costume, please trust that I have analyzed this issue thoroughly and my conclusion is untainted by preference.


I am basing my findings on what is visible in the photo she posted on X, so I cannot see how far the bottom of her costume goes below "hoochie line". But from what can be seen, Paige's costume shows off regular cleavage, without any added "side boob" or "underboob" and does not show off so much cleavage to cross the threshold of "total slut". Thus, based on all available information, while this costume pushes the envelope of acceptable levels of Halloween sluttiness it can still be categorized as "tastefully slutty".


(Yes, I fucked up the order of the checkmarks in that gif, no I'm not fixing it)




It almost feels like Outkick reads Flappr and did this just to troll us for our criticism of their habit of handing out "The Paige Spiranac Of <Blank>" titles without appreciation for what that status should mean. It's either that or the standard and customs department at Outkick has completely lost their minds. Regardless, whoever decided it was acceptable to hand out a title for "The Paige Spiranac Of Nursing Students" should be placed on temporary suspension, pending a full and thorough investigation by an independent law firm.


If nursing students are now within the realm of "The Paige Spiranac Of <Blank>" status then the status no longer has any meaning. What's next, "The Paige Spiranac Of HR Representatives"? Or maybe, Outkick will unveil their "The Paige Spiranac Of Jugglers"? Or perhaps they'll start handing out titles based on hobbies and anoint "The Paige Spiranac Of Stamp Collectors"?


Look, "The Paige Spiranac Of <Blank>" is a hallowed title that should only be bestowed to a select few who exhibit greatness. The title of "The Paige Spiranac Of <Blank>" must stand for something specific or else it will fade into becoming a cringe synonym for "hot chick". The Flappr standard for "The Paige Spiranac Of <Blank>" is a rigid one (VERY rigid). To be named "The Paige Spiranac Of <Blank>" one must possess generational levels of beauty, popularity, grace, and import to the culture. You must also be an eGirl sports influencer or play a sport! You can't be a fucking nursing student!


And don't get me wrong, this Olivia gal is gorgeous! She's wearing a crucifix! She's probably a nice Christian girl! But she's not the Paige Spiranac Of Nursing Students because that's not a thing! Why not call Olivia "The Hottest Nursing Student On Instagram"? That would make sense! It's also likely true! She's a very hot nursing student! Perhaps the hottest on Instagram, even! We're going to give her the title.


Congratulations, Olivia, you are now the Flappr Endorsed "Hottest Nursing Student On Instagram"! Now get back to your studies and don't dress too slutty on Halloween! We don't need any malpractice suits!



Get your shit together, Outkick. What a farce.


**Editor's Note** Don't pretend like you're not impressed by the way I weaved all the Halloween costume stuff together this week. Come on, now, it's pretty clever.



We must investigate the literalness of this BSO headline (for journalistic purposes):



The blog features photos posted by Livvy Dunne from what looks like "LSU's Media Day Gymnastics Photoshoot" and I haven't looked at the comments yet, but I can tell you that I "love" them. They're great photos. She looks radiant. The one where she's holding a crown as a nod to her team's National Championship is very kino.


I see what Dunne's SSO, Paul Skenes, sees in her. She's a doll. If Olivia Dunne looks like she has the world in the palm of her hand, it's because she does. She is young, successful, and makes a lot of endorsement money from NIL sponsorships. She is the proverbial all-American girl and I hope she stays on that righteous path.


Now let's see how inappropriate men were in her comment section on Instagram!


Horny GenZer, @patkego posted "BOPtimus prime", which I had to look up because I didn't know what it meant. Apparently, it can mean one of several things, including "That's a good song", which doesn't make much sense in this context, or it can stand for "blown out pussy", essentially calling someone a whore. I'm not sure which one Pat meant here, but wow, learned something new.


Next up, we have black guy, @itsmajorgreat, who asked, presumably for his own benefit, "Would you date a black guy?". That's simple enough. As of the time of publication, Ms. Dunne has not responded to @itsmajorgreat's inquiry.


Finally, we have Inappropriate Indian Instagrammer, @db04295, who didn't post any words, only this gif of a man . . . suggestively manipulating a rose:



This reply by @db04295 might be the creepiest one I've come across thus far. It's just viscerally upsetting to watch when you know what he intended. This reply is somehow even creepier than the guy who told Mikayla Demaiter that she was like ice cream because "I only like you in my mouth". Yeeeeesh.


 

Meme of the Week!



This week's top honor goes to Magills, for this all too realistic meme made from a video Gretchen Whitmer made with some random perverted Canadian (redundant) with a podcast.


For those of you who are not terminally online, Whitmer apparently filmed a bizarre video where she seductively fed a Dorito to a kneeling woman and then looked directly into the camera as if to suggest "yeah, you like that, you little sluts? That's what you get when you dress too slutty on Halloween!" Though, to be fair, I just added all of that subtext based on the theme of this week's blog.


The performance in this video did, however, seem to mock Catholics and the reception of holy Communion. Catholic bishops in Michigan condemned the video for mocking the Eucharist, saying "whether or not insulting Catholics and the Eucharist was the intent, it has had an offensive impact.” This led Whitmer to apologize and clarify that the video was supposed to be "about the importance of the CHIPS Act to Michigan jobs".


Ehhhhh, I don't know. I know you want me to say that I don't believe Whitmer, but I kind of do . . . I still think the video is real fucking weird and it's bonkers that a governor would film a sexualized skit to promote the CHIPS ACT, but I don't think she filmed this thinking this was a mockery of holy Communion. I think she's just a dimwit whose staff should've known better than to let her film something with this morally corrupted Canadian (again, redundant).


Our meme of the week from Magills was an absolute MONSTER, garnering over 1 million views, 17,000 likes and 1,800 retweets. I reached out to Mags for a comment on his win this week and here's what he shared with me for publication:



You know what's funny? He did toot his own horn over Stretchin Gretchen. When I asked for meme of the week nominations, he sent his own meme. He sent the meme I ended up choosing. Can you imagine the audacity of nominating yourself?


I can't because I never do that. Sure, I could give myself meme of the week, occasionally I even deserve meme of the week, but I never award it to myself because I'm very humble and I want to promote the fine work of others. I also make sure to subscribe to people's YouTube Channels, like their videos and leave nice comments on the blogs they write. I also don't slanderously call things "sm*t blogs" when they are not sm*t blogs. That's because I am a good person. Some might say a better and more generous person than all of you.


So true king, so true.

 

Flappr Haute Coutre Merch of the Week



If you feel like being generous, you can purchase something from ClothOff.com, like this cheeky Milk Sommelier hat! Very fancy. All profits are either donated to charity or go towards funding giveaways to members of this community.


IF YOU MADE IT THIS FAR, LEAVE A COMMENT AND LET US KNOW HOW WE DID!

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