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Serious Matters & Unfolding Trends - 10.25.24

nancy mace boobs

It’s news. It’s sports. It’s commentary on weird shit from around the internet.


It’s Serious Matters & Unfolding Trends, our weekly digest of curated links designed to keep you abreast of very important news!


Editor's Note: Please do not Google "Nancy Mace Boobs" or "Boebert Boobs" or "AOC Gazongas". Thank you for your consideration.


 

Serious Matters & Unfolding Trends!



Christina Aguilera Pumpkins

Long-time readers of this blog know that I consider myself the ombudsman (or "omboobsman") of the boobie blogo-o-sphere. I care about standards. I want readers to enjoy quality blogs. I want the subjects of such blogs to be treated fairly and with the respect they deserve. This is why I cover Serious Matters & Unfolding Trends and why I am often critical of Outkick's coverage of the same.


Last week, they handed out a title for "The Paige Spiranac of Nursing Students", and if that sounds absurd, that's because it's absurd. This week, they referred to Christina Aguilera's Glamourous Gourds as "her pumpkins". I mean, jeez, fellas, is that the best Halloween-themed euphemism we can come up with? Does "pumpkins" capture the essence of Xtina's Seductive Silicone Squashes? How does that honor them and how does that advance our industry?


No, this was poor form, and we can do better, so I am offering up the following alternative Halloween-themed terms for boobs, breasts, and bosoms to aid boobie bloggers in their jug-based-journalistic endeavors:


  • Bewitching Button-Busters

  • Engorged Eerie Erector Perfectors

  • Gorgeous Graveyard Grapefruits

  • Halloween Heavies

  • Halloweenie Honeypots

  • Humongous Haunted Hangers

  • Spirit-Raising Slack Racks

  • Voluptuous Vampire Milk Vessels

  • Wonderous Werewolf Whoppers

  • Zombified Zucchini Zesters


Any of these terms would've been superior to calling Christina's Monster Mashing Mummy Milkers "pumpkins". Calling them "pumpkins" is disrespectful and lazy.


Sexy Mummy

Referring to them as "Tantalizing Thick-er-Teaters" shows reference and regard for the work we do. I have faith in our profession and hope that one day Outkick realizes that it needs Flappr on its website to share the latest in Serious Matters & Unfolding Trends and maintain the standards it so sorely lacks.


If you agree, I encourage you to encourage Outkick to bring us aboard.



Kardashian Toilet

Folks, , , , I don't know why I have to be the one to fight such battles for public decency. I did not seek out this responsibility. I do not enjoy learning of disturbing Unfolding Trends and feeling the ping of duty weigh upon my soul. But when I see attempts to normalize weirdness like this, my sense of moral obligation to try and save The West from itself kicks in and I start writing.


To be clear, women posing for photos while sitting on the pooper, taking a leak (or heavens forbid . . . dropping a deuce) is not "sexier than you'd think". This is the opposite of "sexier than you'd think" this is "not nearly as cute as you think". This may have been acceptable during the CommunASSt regime (known colloquially as the Kardashian Era of Titanic Tyrannical Turdcutters), but such degenerate despots have been deposed and replaced by the era of Mommy Milkers. Long may it reign.


Yet, according to The Sun's "body language expert", this pee-pee pose is enticing because it's “infantile with a cute smile and head tilt" and it "suggests a lack of inhibitions that can be seen as sexy." Is that right? Men should find photos of women urinating sexually arousing because they appear "infantile" and lacking inhibitions. That sounds creepy, like something a pedo or date rapist would say

. 

Kardashian Toilet

The kindest interpretation I can offer to these perverts is that such photos invite the viewer to share a very intimate moment with the subject - where she has stripped away the pomp, circumstance, and elegance that her day requires. Yes, that can be alluring, but not so much when paired with passing urine through your pee spout into a public toilet. Urophilia is the term for people who get turned on by golden showers and they're fucking gross.


If you want to capture the same type of intimacy there are better options than resorting to water sports. You could photograph a woman dressed in your favorite sweatshirt and shorts taking her first sip of morning coffee or dolling herself up before hitting the town for a formal event. An example:


Kardashian Toilet

See that? You're not supposed to be watching this private moment of Ana De Armas putting on lipstick, but she's letting you and that's part of what makes it alluring. Same vibe, without the piss. There you go. You're welcome, America.


The SSO Crotch Bump: Let's Name This Mons Pubis Celebration



Last week, Kiké Hernández (that's Kiké, pronounced kee-kay, don't cancel me) and Gavin Lux of the Dodgers went viral for celebrating a home run against the Padres by jumping and bumping their dicks together. Very gay, to be honest, but I guess Hernandez previously dislocated a teammate's shoulders during a celebration and this is his way to prevent that from happening again . . . fine, whatever.


This banana bump between the boys inspired something beautiful and unexpected from their Supportive Significant Others (SSOs). In what can only be described as an act of pure love and devotion, Kike's wife, Mariana, and Gavin's fiance, Molly, met at home plate after the Dodgers punched their tickets to the World Series and went mound to mound to celebrate their success.



Very wholesome. Very cute. Very supportive.


The only issue I've come across here is what to name this SSO cooch smooch, so I asked you, the Flappr Community, for your help in giving this celebration a worthy moniker. Here are some of the best names from our comments:

Because we're journalists, and we love you, Angie (also it was nice to have you freeloaders help make content for the blog).

"Cunt bunt" and "Twat swat" are a bit aggressive for our taste, but the effort here is very much respected here.

Less aggressive and has elements of alliteration (which I adore) but the thought of vaginas crunching doesn't capture the elegance of this particular act.

No, this is gross. SSOs don't have big beefy labias. Not elegant. Not appropriate.

Getting closer . . .

Ahhh, yeah, I think this one works best (and was the most popular submission in our replies). The "clam slam" rhymes, connects to the most exciting play in baseball, references beaver in a less-gross way, is fun, and captures the essence of this vaginal victory validation. That's the name. The SSO "Clam Slam". Perfect.



Moving on . . .


 

News! News! News!


The Election: looms.


By the time this blog is published on Friday, we will be 11 days from Election Day. The stakes feel very high. Maybe not "end of the Republic" level high, but this election will be pretty damn consequential.


If Kamala Harris wins on November 5th and brings with her unified control of government, America will undergo a radical transformation that many of us never thought possible. Unified Democrat control will almost certainly mean the end of the filibuster in the Senate. Once the filibuster goes, so does the last thing standing in the way of the progressive fever dream becoming your reality.


No filibuster means revisions to the Judiciary Act of 1789 will be passed and the courts will be packed, forever altering a system that's been in place for 155 years. To be clear, there is nothing wrong with the current Supreme Court, libtards just don't like its current 6-3(ish) "conservative" makeup. There is no other reason. That's the truth. They know this and do not care. They want to "rebalance the court" to reverse work done over the past four years that peeled back some of the super-legislative judicial activism of The Warren Court. A "rebalanced court" will mean more power for the federal government, less power for the states, and less protection for you and your rights.


Without the filibuster standing in their way, Dems will likely ram through expensive and extensive "green legislation" to "combat climate change". Of course, when they say, "climate change" they mean things like voting, abortion, and trans rights. And when they say "combating" they mean giving taxpayer money to DEI initiatives or DNC donors for thinly veiled vanity projects that produce nothing that benefits anyone, let alone the environment.


Let's rattle off a few more things that might be at stake in 18 days:


  • amnesty for tens of millions of illegal aliens

  • an assault weapons ban

  • reparations for people who were never slaves paid for by those who never owned them

  • more "student loan forgiveness" for irresponsible retards

  • a nation-wide "right to abort" without any limits

  • more inflation caused by runaway spending


If you think I'm being hyperbolic in anything mentioned above, please name me the Democrat senators who will stand in the way of any of these things. Exactly.


I say all of this to remind you that ELECTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES.


At the end of the day, you should vote your conscience. If that means you vote you write in Nikki Haley or Bill Trudell and are ready to live with the consequences thereof . . . ok, sure, great, whatever. I can respect that! I have principles too! But before you do, I ask that you consider that maybe, just this one time, you hold your nose and vote to buy us four years to try and steer this ship away from the iceberg and save the West from its apparent suicidal ideations.



Donald Trump is imperfect in many ways. He's the least conservative GOP candidate of my lifetime. He often says and does things that make my head hurt. He's likely to disappoint us in some fashion. He's also our only hope in 2024 and in 11 days, I am going to vote for him, not only because he's the (far) lesser of two evils, but because I would like to see what a Trump administration can do unhampered by Russiagate/COVID or worried about the prospect of re-election.


Deporting millions of people who shouldn't be here? Yes, I and a majority of recently polled Americans support his very necessary idea! An Elon Musk-led task force to audit and eliminate pointless regulations and inefficient, wasteful, parts of our federal bureaucracy? When can he start? A promise to prevent deranged biological men from competing in women's sports? Yeah, that's just common sense.


The Tariffs will pay for themselves? Ehhhhhhhhhh . . .


Listen, my point is that you don't have to love Donald Trump or his character to vote for Donald Trump. If you're on the fence, consider it - you never have to tell anyone if you do. We will keep this secret for you. We will never tell. We promise.



Concerning news emerged this week after a recent Gallup poll found that 31% of Americans have a "Great deal/Fair amount" of trust in our media.



Damn, that is troubling data indeed . . . that trust number is still way too high.


Trust in corporate media should be zero or at least a number much closer to zero. This is a profession that should, in theory, trade almost entirely on its reputation for sharing verifiable facts, free of bias and selective framing. Yet, this industry and those who operate within it have, time and time again, proven themselves to be untrustworthy, hopelessly partisan, and sometimes downright evil.


If the media was serious about maintaining trust with the American people, it would police itself vigorously and thoroughly punish anyone who breaches its code of ethics. Yet, when was the last time you saw any journalist fired for reporting mistruths or showing bias in their reporting? Sure, Olivia Nuzzi was "placed on leave" but that was only because they wanted to harm Trump by harming RFK Jr., not because they care about a reporter fucking the subject of her reporting.


No, just this election cycle alone, we've seen Joe Scarborough go from "Joe Biden is cogent" to calling on the DNC to pull him from the ticket in the span of months.



We've seen David Muir incorrectly fact-check Donald Trump on a debate stage. We've seen 60 Minutes admit to editing Kamala Harris' interview and then refuse to release the full transcript. We've seen Martha Raddatz minimize gangs of illegal Venezuelan immigrants taking over apartment housing complexes in Colorado because it was "only a few". We've seen Newsweek attack a McDonald's franchise after Trump "worked" there for a couple of hours.


This is why when The Atlantic published an anonymously sourced hit piece claiming Donald Trump disparaged murdered Army Specialist Vanessa Guillen and told his Chief of Staff, Mark Meadows, to refuse to pay for her funeral . . . I assume it's false until proven otherwise. And, like clockwork, people have come out to not only discredit author Jeffrey Goldberg but accuse him of outright lying. This same thing happened in 2020, when Goldberg published his anonymously sourced "suckers and losers" hit piece, which he promised to share more on, but never did. You still see libtards quote that story that every person who was at the event, including many who hate Donald Trump, say never happened.


The corporate media does not deserve your trust, it deserves heavy skepticism and, more often than not, your scorn. Until further notice, the corporate media is the enemy of the people and should be treated accordingly.



The one in which Robert Stacey McCain shares a story about an AWFL social worker from Wisconsin who was arrested in 2020 for breaking the nose of a State Senator during one of the many BLM riots that took place that year. This story takes a bit of patience and untangling, but, essentially, the AWFL social worker blames local police for her baby daddy dying in a car crash he suffered while attempting to evade police:


"At the time that Rashad was rolling around Monona in a vehicle full of felonies, Samantha Hamer was nine months pregnant with Rashad’s baby, who was born three days after Rashad was DOA because he crashed into a tree at 100 mph running from the cops. “Racism and white supremacy need to be dismantled everywhere,” she said, but instead what got dismantled was that SUV. Perhaps there is some kind of useful life lesson to be learned here. Like, avoid teenage girls with criminal records and neck tattoos? Or maybe, high-speed driving and “purple drank” are a bad combination?"


This is sad, but not shocking. While this man died as a result of evading arrest, one of the dirty little secrets about Post-George Floyd America is that as a result of fewer traffic stops by police, more black people have been dying in car crashes. This is not a conspiracy theory. This is backed up by CDC data and directly correlates with policing strategies mandated by blue city mayors and governors in an effort to reduce the number of "police interactions" black people experience. The result is more death. The Black Lives Matter movement was awful.


Getting High on X


 

Sports! Sports! Sports!


TNF: Rams hand Vikings second straight loss 28-20



I'm going to be honest; I didn't watch this game. I had teacher conferences for my kids (no pride flags in their classrooms! phew!) and by the time I got home and put them to bed I still had to put edit the Halloween edition of Cloth Off Friday. So, I don't really know what happened in this game other than the Vikings lost again and that makes me happy because they play in the same division as the Bears.


The box score suggests that Matthew Stafford might have solved the Vikings defense which had been so dominant through the first five games of the season. He threw for 279 yards and 4 TDs (1 INT) in the win. That's vintage Stafford.


I saw a lot of people on X complaining about how the game ended. Apparently, Sam Darnold (who also played well) was sacked in the end zone for a safety, but it should've been called a facemask? Let's see:



Oh yeah, that's a facemask. Textbook. Should've been 15 yards and a first down. The refs really fucked Minnesota over, lololol. Womp. Womp. Go Bears.


NFL Week 7: Reviewed by Flappr



"CAUCASIAN OF THE WEEK:


Bowers has a great white guy name. "Brock Bowers" sounds like the cheesy stage name of a male porn star and the 13th overall pick has grown a mustache to match that vibe. We salute Brock and his male receding hairline (at 21 years old!) for his tireless work ethic, dedication to his craft, the "heady" way he plays the game, and his seemingly endless array of intangibles! Brock Bowers is the kind of NFL player you'd let your daughter date and he's our Caucasian of the Week!"


That quote is from me in this week's BIG TDs Football Blog! See what you're missing out on? CLICK THE LINK, read what I had to say about your favorite team, and stay for the custom gifs, highlights, and my weekly meltdowns over the Bears! PLUS, by clicking that link you'll make me happy and that's worth something, right?




Rangers' defenseman, Jacob Trouba has a reputation for being one of the dirtiest players in the NHL. He's done quite a bit to earn that reputation. The Rangers' captain has injured several players, has been suspended twice, and fined four times in his career for hits he's delivered on the ice. But this hit looks clean to me. The puck carrier, Justin Barron, enters the Rangers' zone with his head down and Trouba makes him pay with a shoulder to the sternum (not his head) that sends him onto his ass.


I'm glad the NHL isn't planning on suspending Trouba for this hit because this was a hockey play - if you skate with your head down and try to cross to the middle of the ice, you're going to get run over. Players are told this from the time they are 13 years old and checking becomes a legal part of the game. An NHL player who has the puck on his stick and enters the offensive zone should know that he better have his head on a swivel. Barron did not, here, and he suffered the consequences.



Again, this was a hockey play and we should not legislate hockey plays out of hockey. The same goes for football, which has diluted its product by a seemingly never-ending array of yellow flags each game - all of which are subjective interpretations of the rule. Grab a jersey six inches too high or hold onto it for a second too long? That's a 10-yard penalty. Hold a receiver a half-yard too far down the field? That's an automatic first down. Breath on a quarterback? That's fifteen yards. Grab a quarterback, give him a reacharound, and then forget to call him back? That's an automatic forfeiture!


With so many flags for so many regular football plays, the game has become a series of "ooo a big play", followed up by your brain considering "I hope there are no flags". That makes the viewing experience less than. At some point, you have to let men who enter the arena do the jobs they voluntarily signed up for and are paid handsomely to perform. Contact sports involve contact. That's why they rock.




Hey Kristin, why don't you do us a favor and shut the fuck up? Jay doesn't need help, and he doesn't need your pity because Jay Cutler is a fucking hero, and the only thing he's guilty of is having a weak chin (except for the alleged drinking and driving)! Sure, he (allegedly) made a little mistake. Maybe he had a few too many hard seltzies and got into a fender bender. You SHOULD NOT do this, but he didn't kill anyone, didn't hurt anyone, and doesn't deserve to be treated as some fucking pariah by his ex-wife who was not an SSO to him during their marriage!


So yeah, fuck off, K-Cav. Why don't you go find another retired, 24-year-old, Division II wide receiver to bang? Jay Cutler played in the SEC (ever heard of it?) and he's fucking fine. In fact, he's probably planning a Massive MAGA RAGER at his ranch if Trump wins the election (someone please hide his keys, though)!



Oh, you didn't know? Yeah, Jay Cutler is a Republican. He golfed with Trump at Mar-a-Lago (ever heard of it?). Do you know how I know that? Because Cutler told fellow Trump guy and Sydney Sweeney Instagram Photo Enjoyer, Brian Urlacher, that story on the now-defunct Uncut with Jay Cutler podcast. Oh, and Mike Ditka almost ran against Obama for the US Senate. That's right, Chicago Bear icons are Republicans, while the Packers are full of communist FREAKS!



So, fuck off, haters. We are team Cutty, now and forever, and he will be just fine (so long as he stops drinking and driving).




If you watched Sunday Night Football last week, you may recall Mike Tirico and Chris Collinsworth explaining to the audience that the game was being paused due to someone running on the field. The NBC broadcast did not show who had ventured onto the grass of Acrisure Stadium in Pittsburgh, but social media quickly delivered! Within minutes, someone on X had posted a video of a Yinzer with Yuge Yearnful YumYums bouncing her way to midfield, holding a sign that read "Trump Secure Border / Kamala Open Border".


Sometime later in the evening, this Massively Milker'd MAGAite was identified as Claudia Rose after she posted a video of herself on Instagram joking that "the security at Acrisure Stadium was tougher than the United States' security at the border with Mexico". You know, she's probably right and I'd wager that libtards would condone the use of physical violence to restrain her more than they would any of the 8 million illegals who've entered the country since 2021. But I digress.



While Claudia and her Pumped-Up Pittsburghian PomPoms are tangentially "on my team" and her actions were ultimately harmless, I still dislike and discourage people from disrupting public events for political messaging. People go to football games or concerts to avoid politics and forcing them to choke down your message is not only annoying but in most cases, counterproductive. People are turned off by these stunts. It's narcissism at its worst. That being said, Ms. Rose's display was far less disruptive or distasteful than the climate cunts who threw tomato soup on the Mona Lisa earlier this year and who routinely protest . . . everything.


So I suppose I'd say that if you're going to pull a stunt like this, keep it brief and have a Springy Set of Silicone-Enhanced Steeler Feelers to keep us entertained.



On the other end of the public spectacle spectrum, we have this pair of Baseball-Loving-Blondes Brandishing their Big League Boppers. When such incidents occur, I always revert to my rule on public nudity - that unexpected boob glimpses, caught in the wild, are the best kind of boob glimpses, they are part of the spice of life that reminds us that the human condition is chaotic and beautiful! Yet, there are different kinds of flashing. Not all public flashing is created equal.


Example A: a blue-collar hockey fan goes to a game after barely eating all day, has too many hard seltzies, and, amid pure, unbridled, joy, exposes her Artificial Alberta Aoogahs when her team advances to its first Stanley Cup Finals since 2006. The video of her exposure then explodes on social media organically, much to her dismay.



Example B: two blonde eGirls from England attend a baseball game, expose their RBIs (Real Bouncy I-Catchers) and then reach out to The Sun to have a story written to help extend the reach of a video that was filmed at a game weeks ago and failed to go viral.



Do you see the differences here? A woman who becomes overwhelmed by excitement and exposes her bosoms is fun and somehow wholesome and very different than one who stages a flesh-flashing for clout and profit. One invites you to share in her excitement, the other feels shameful and uncouth. Context matters.


Thank you for coming to my TEDD Talk (misspelled for comedic purposes).



We must investigate the literalness of this BSO headline (for journalistic purposes):



The blog features a video from Paige Spiranac "showing off her golf swing" while wearing a "tight red playsuit" onesie. I am not, however, sure that she is "braless", actually, based on the way her breasts appear supported and the bra-like outline visible through her playsuit . . . I think she is wearing a bra. So, this is a mostly literal, but perhaps factually inaccurate BSO headline. Still, good effort, gents.


Now, let's take a look at the replies to this video on X, which is a first for this blog! We even found some replies from people we know!


Our long-time mutual, Burt Macklin, replied with a weighty "ok", which seems innocuous to the point of almost suggesting that he had restained himself?


Next up we have Dave T who told Paige "My goodness, your boobies are very large. Try a sports bra maybe?" but as we've already shown, she appears to be wearing some form of breast harnessing device, so perhaps Dave just needs to read this blog to assuage his concerns.


There were, of course, several South Asian men in her replies. JamSaqibMajeed who said "Ravishing radiant beauty and graceStunning wild fire of desire 🔥" and M537261 who posted, by my count, nine separate comments, including "Breathtakingly Beautiful", "Wow sexy", "So sexy Lady" and "What her mood is saying is she wants to eat or is going to take it", among others.

Finally, given that this is X, rather than Instagram, there were a fair number of OnlyFan girls posting photos of their barely clothed bodies in the replies, like Reni, who asked Paige if she would "Who want to play with my 🏐🏐???" accompanied with a photo of her massive bosoms in a bikini top.


Not gonna post that photo here, but they are pretttty, pretttty, pretttty, big bosoms.


 

Meme of the Week!



This week's top honor goes to @shortmagsmle and @richard_harambe, legendary shit posters from different genres, for their McDonald Trump-inspired tweets.


For those of you without televisions, radios, smartphones, or internet access, Donald Trump manned the fry station at a McDonald’s in Buck County, PA last Sunday to connect with blue-collar workers and draw attention to Kamala Harris' unverified claim (probably a lie) that she once worked at the Golden Arches. The event was staged, obviously, and all of the customers were pre-vetted by the Secret Service to ensure that none of them accomplished what two others had attempted to do earlier in this campaign cycle (assassinate Trump).


Trump pulled off a great fucking political stunt and the libtards knew it because they immediately went full reeeeeeeee instead of just ignoring it entirely. You had people complaining about how it was staged (no fucking shit) and that he wasn't akshully "working at McDonald's". You had journos reporting on that location's health code violation. So many crybabies were mad that he "violated election laws" by giving away free food. They ran the full libtard gamut and would not stop giving air to this story for three full days.


Thinking more upon this, McDonald Trump might be the most memorable moment of political theater of our modern day. The imagery of billionaire, former president, Donald Trump, throwing on a smock and manning the drive-through of a McDonald's was surreal to behold. And this photo op worked, whereas other similar ones failed (Dukakis) because Donald Trump humbled himself and looked like he was having fun . . . probably because he was having fun and it showed.


This brings us to Lee (@shortmagsmle), writer, podcaster, and publisher of En Bloc Press, who artfully articulated the most viral image from the day with this post.


Just look at this photo. It is a Norman Rockwell painting. A picture is worth a thousand words, but sometimes six words can capture an idea that's in all of our heads but we cannot access until such words are help us get there. That's what this tweet did for me (and for Elon Musk, who replied "This is fantastic" to Lee's Tweet), it invoked a truth that was staring me in the face.


While Lee is a shitposting legend who deploys his talents most often with words, Dr. Harambe is on the Mount Rushmore of Memers for the work he puts out on a day-in and day-out basis, but Richard shines on event days, like McDonald Trump, where the memes are flying in all directions. The Good Doctor has a keen ability to quickly identify themes, references, and templates that people can quickly identify, connect and laugh along with.


When you look at Harambe's meme, you know immediately what he's trying to say and you know it's going to drive libtards insane.


I reached out to Lee and Dr. Richard Harambe for a comment on their wins this week and here's what they shared with me for publication:



So true, Kings. So true.


 

Flappr Haute Coutre Merch of the Week



If you feel like being generous, you can purchase something from ClothOff.com, like this very chic Internet Bully t-shirt! This is our best-selling item. It's pretty cool. Very fancy. All profits are either donated to charity or go towards funding giveaways to members of this community.


Thank you for your time.


IF YOU MADE IT THIS FAR, LEAVE A COMMENT AND LET US KNOW HOW WE DID!

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