It’s news. It’s sports. It’s commentary on weird shit from around the internet.
It’s Serious Matters & Unfolding Trends, our weekly digest of curated links designed to keep you abreast of very important news!
Editor's Note: Please do not Google "Nancy Mace Boobs" or "Boebert Boobs". And please do not search for "AOC Gozongas" and then go to the third or fourth page of Google results. Please do not do this. Thank you for your consideration.
Serious Matters & Unfolding Trends!
A quick word!
Wow. . . . Wow. Wow. Wow. . . . . Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. . . . Wow.
They investigated him. They brought "civil fraud" suits against him, fined him over $500M, and tried to ruin his family business. They raided his home. They indicted him. They arrested him. They booked him. They convicted him of "34 felonies". They tried to kill him (twice). They called him literal Hitler and his supporters "deplorable" and "garbage".
Well, 73 million (and counting), deplorable, garbage Americans voted and elected Donald J. Trump to become our 47th president. Trump didn't just win, he won RESOUNDINGLY, capturing every swing state AND the popular vote. Finally, at long last, the people said "no mas" and threw up the biggest fuck you to the regime that I've ever seen. If nothing else, this should show you that America remains very based and Western civilization's last hope for self-correction.
If that doesn't give you a glimmer of hope for the future, then you're too far gone and you're not gonna make it.
I'll touch on more below, but this week's edition of S M & U T is a celebration. I'll return to the traditional format next week. This week is for fun.
Let's have some.
Boobs: Defeated Communism.
Tuesday morning, something beautiful happened. Women from across our community heeded the call of a nation in distress and posted photos of their pendulous patriotic pagodas in an effort to turn out the vote and save our republic.
It worked.
Men put down their phones and stopped gooning just long enough to get their asses to the polls and put Trump over the top.
We thank you, @kriissaa_krae, and we thank her Robust, Republic Restoring, Rod-Raisers for their duty to this country.
According to exit polls, particularly in Pennsylvania, men showed up - and 56% of them voted for Donald Trump. This might not have been possible without the support of patriots, like Keystone State native @Tori_Philly4, who shared photos of her Freedom Loving Fun Bags Tuesday morning.
By early afternoon, when polls began closing, and results started pouring in, a picture began to take focus. A massive win in Florida. Impressive early returns in North Carolina, and Georgia and reasons for optimism in Virginia and New Hampshire. Men were awakened by the sounds of Large Luscious Liberty Bells, ringing from sea to shining sea and striking fear in the hearts of communists.
We thank you, @amer1can_barbie, and we thank your Anti-Communist Calcium Cannons for their service in saving the West from itself, at least temporarily.
When you wake up on January 20th to what we all hope is the dawn of a new morning for America, take a moment to reflect on the road that led us there. Pause and give thanks to the women mentioned here and the hundreds of others who refused to let darkness fall upon our Republic. Appreciate the Mammoth Mommy Milkers that might just Make America Great Again.
The Calcium Caucus: dominated on their way to re-election!
Keen observers of this blog might have noticed that I (occasionally) show a bit of preference to a select few members of the Republican Party. I write and defend them on social media more than others. This isn't intended as a sign of disrespect to Speaker Johnson, Majority Leader Scalise, Congressman Massie or a host of other House members that I (somewhat) respect. It's just that, for whatever reason, these gals . . . resonate with me.
I respectfully refer to them as the Calcium Caucus and they found nothing but success Tuesday evening.
Lauren Boebert - 2023 Milkers of The Year Award Winner
Congresswoman Boebert, who took home top honors at our Milkers of The Year Awards last year, was elected to represent Colorado's 4th Congressional District on Tuesday. This 37-year-old Ravishing Republican with Rocky Mountain Man Pleasers easily defeated her libtard challenger despite millions of dollars in out-of-state campaign contributions flooding in to try and take her down. Undaunted, our Pontificating Princess with Prolific Pueblo Pokies won her race by 10 pts.
Perhaps Boobert's (intentional misspelling for comedic purposes) most impressive accomplishment this cycle might be how she was able to successfully defect from her current district (CO-3), win a contested GOP primary and then dominate the general election in the neighboring 4th Congressional District. While many have suggested that our endorsement of Boebert helped sway men in Eastern Colorado to vote for her, we accept nor deserve any such credit.
Maybe just a little bit of credit, but even that is unnecessary.
Anna Paulina Luna - 2023 IBTC Division Winner
This based 35-year-old RW Latina MILF appeared to be in a political dog fight this election cycle as she faced off against Whitney Fox, one of the few objectively attractive democrat candidates on any ballot this year. At one point, polls had Fox ahead of Luna by 3 points. Viewed by some as a flippable seat, the DNC and outside donors poured cash into this R+6 race and put a target on Luna's back . . . both literally and metaphorically.
In August, Libtards posted a video on X of Luna wearing a MAGA-printed swimsuit from her pre-congressional modeling career. This was an apparent ploy to humiliate her, I suppose. If so, that plot backfired spectacularly as anyone with eyes quickly realized that Luna was stunningly beautiful and the attempt to shame her unleashed a cascade of comely conservative queens who rushed to her defense by posting photos of themselves looking hot in bikinis.
Then, in September, the 5-year veteran of the Air Force, posted on X that her office "received a very serious shooting threat,” before defiantly proclaiming that she refused to "be threatened, intimidated, or bow down to those using violence as a means to push their agenda. We will win."
As it turns out, Luna's race turned out to be a laugher. She beat Fox by 9 points to retain her seat in Florida's 13th Congressional District and the money pumped into this race was tantamount to kindling on Ron DeSantis' Democrat bon fire. Good for Anna, who seeks to become the first IBTC Division competitor to win the Milkers of the Year Award. Good for Florida for retaining her and good for America for having the opportunity to keep APL in our lives for at least another two years.
Nancy Mace - 2023 Mommy Milky Division Winner
Last, but certainly not least, is 2023 Mommy Milky Division Winner, Nancy Mace, who steamrolled her way to victory by SEVENTEEN points, suffocating her opponent with her Supple, South Carolinian, Sweater Stretchers.
I struggle to hide my affinity for Congresswoman Mace. She's smart, savvy, an effective communicator and has shown that she possesses more than a modicum of legislative skill in the 118th Congress. In October 2023, Mace, along with a couple of other Republicans worked with Democrats to oust Kevin McCarthy - a move that will go down in the history books as the "Machiavellian Milk Wagon Maneuver." In response to the blowback she received from members of her own party, Mace donned a fitted t-shirt emblazoned with the "Scarlet A" across her chest because . . . she was being demonized (I think?).
Ideologically speaking, Mace is somewhat of a complex figure. Long considered a moderate, Mace has drifted more to the right on many issues and has become an imposing figure in the culture wars. This Lonewolf from the Lowcountry sponsored a bill that seeks to ban biological men from competing in women's sports. The bill passed along party lines in April of 2023 but had no chance of being of getting a vote in the Schumer-controlled Senate. It will be interesting to see if and when that bill is revived now that the GOP has unified control of government.
Lately, this milktastic mother of two has embraced her eGirl MILFdom. Perhaps noticing an uptick in her google search traffic for various derivations of her name along with terms like "boobs" or "big boobs" or "bikini", Mace started utilizing her social media presence to increase her (very feminine) profile within the GOP. She started posting memes, and selfies and engaging with high-profile shitposting accounts like 3YearLetterman and, unfortunately, Former Flappr Legal Correspondent, Jarvis Best. Mace says that she runs her own social media accounts and we believe her (we believe anything that pretty girls tell us), which suggests that she has a good sense of humor and understands the brand-building potential social media affords.
As we approach the homestretch of 2024, Mace's resume for this year's Milker's of the Year Award is an impressive one. She earned an honorable mention in 2022. She won the HIGHLY competitive Mommy Milky Division in 2023. Mace enters this year's race trailing only Sydney Sweeney as the current odds-on favorite at +270 to take home this year's top prize (seriously, we have odds now).
Will Mace win MOTY 2024? That's hard to say, but what should be obvious to you by now is that Nancy Mace is a star, and this Curvy Conservative graduate of The Citadel is here to stay (she was the first woman to graduate from there, actually).
Please do not google "Nancy Mace Big Boobs". Thank you.
I know. I know. But this will probably be the last we see from Alina Habba (until Trump forces Roberts to retire and appoints her Chief Justice of the Supreme Court) for a while and, well . . . just watch that video.
Look at how excited she was! That is not fake, staged "Obamas endorsing Kamala Harris" type enthusiasm either. She's singing along to some Trumpy song, the lyrics of which she has committed to memory, out of real jubilation.
For what it's worth, ladies, that type of commitment is very attractive to men.
Genuine enthusiasm for anything is an attractive quality in all people. So is not taking yourself seriously and allowing yourself to look goofy while celebrating a team W. She may not have won many cases while representing him, but Hubba Hubba, Esq. is as ride or die as it gets for Trump. Look at the way she looks at him.
Habba looks at Trump the way Tim Walz looks at a tampon machine in the boys' room of an elementary school (or a horse). She stares at him the way Doug Emhoff stares at ovulating babysitters. She looks at him the way Hillary Clinton looked at her favorite garrote wire before sneaking into Jeffrey Epstein's prison cell.
I wish someone looked at me that way. I think we all do.
Margo Martin: is an underappreciated queen.
My guess is that you've probably never heard of Margo Martin. You probably don't know that she's been Trump's deputy communications director since at least 2022 because this 28-year-old captivating communicator doesn't seem particularly interested in seeking the spotlight. This a somewhat uncommon trait among people in MAGA-world and it's even more rare among women with fashion model good looks. Yet I've never seen Margo Martin (not to be confused with Margo Martindale) mugging for interviews and she's almost always behind the camera in the photos and videos she posts on X.
I don't know much about Martin outside what I've read online, but I do admire that she's not in this for eGirl clout. From what I do know about this Oklahoman, is that before her current role, she served as a press assistant in the White House, where she gave the final press lid for the Trump administration. While part of this current campaign's communications team, Martin probably played some role in the decision to have Trump tour the biggest podcasts in the world - which I thought was brilliant and changed presidential politics for the foreseeable future.
Given her reticence to get in front of the camera, I'm not sure if Martin has any ambitions to serve as Press Secretary for the forthcoming Trump administration. I would, however, bet heavily that Margo will have a prominent role because she's been incredibly loyal and helped put the man back in office.
Did I mention that she's attractive? Because she's quite attractive, so attractive that John Roberts of Fox News mistook her for Melania (the most beautiful First Lady in American history) as she entered a courthouse.
Donald Trump likes attractive women. He surrounds himself with them.
Just off the top of my head, Trump has hired the following aesthetically pleasing (sometimes very, very, hot) women: Hope Hicks, Kayleigh McEnany (not on good terms), Cassidy Hutchinson (traitor), Madeleine Westerhout, Alyssa Farah (traitor) and, of course, Alina Habba. This incoming Trump administration staff has to be the most attractive in American history, right? I mean compare Martin and Habba to the bridge trolls that worked under the Obama-Biden administrations.
Susan Rice? Valerie Jarret? Victoria Nuland? Karine Jean-Pierre? Let's be real here folks, none of you, male or female, want to copulate with any of them! They're ugmos! The only potentially bangable one of the bunch might be Psaki, but that's erased by her Tracy Flick "you forgot to assign us homework" personality.
And don't give me that "Oh well, maybe they're competent". We know from the past 12 years that they're retards. They're just ugly retards. I'll roll the dice with the administration filled with Maxim models any day of the week.
What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, Margo Martin. Big fan.
Moving on . . .
News! News! News!
Another quick word!
America rejected a female presidential nominee for the second time. The people did not reject Kamala Harris because of gender, they rejected her because she's a Marxist retard who embraced every retarded Marxist idea ever put in front of her. She also ran a terrible campaign that was propped up by the media until she opened her mouth and people remembered why she had such low approval ratings.
So, yes, we booted another female nominee, but this outcome does not mean that women cannot or should never serve as President of the United States. It also does mean that a woman DESERVES a chance, and that America MUST elect a female president as if the office were subject to the same DEI principles that have ruined corporate America. That's not how this should work and Kamala Harris, a woman who stands for nothing more than empty political ambition and who did not earn a vote in any primary, would have been a terrible standard-bearer as our first female president. Deep down, I think even Libtards knew this was true.
As I told my daughter on the way to school Wednesday morning, the right person won this election, we should never vote for someone based on their identity
AND when the right woman presents herself - America will elect her. Ideally, this woman would possess unwavering conviction, demonstrate resolute leadership, exemplify strength, competency and a clear vision that can galvanize a nation of men and women. Someone like Maggie Thatcher or Sydney Sweeney (kidding).
And, as I told my daughter, I believe America will elect a female president in my lifetime (maybe my daughter? maybe yours? maybe Sydney Sweeney?) and that I view this as a near certainty. I doubt that any of the based, hardcore, Republican broads who read this blog needed any reassurance on this matter, but this is what I and many others believe, so there you go.
Listen, I know what you scum bags say about Flappr on the internet. I see your snide "sm*t blog" comments and they hurt my feelings. Especially when I go through the effort of recruiting an actual author / historian / election analyst to share his insights with you on the 2024 election. An expert that correctly predicted the outcome of every fucking state.
Literally every. single. state. He called Trump 312 - Harris 226 four days before a single ballot was counted. Where else can you find a 2024 election retrospective as told through the lens of boobs AND the election results 4 days in advance?
Nowhere. You're welcome.
I reached out to Yinzer Jimmy and offered him the opportunity to take a victory lap after throwing a perfect game on election night and here's what he shared with me as his response:
As an aside, when "gold standard" Des Moines Register pollster, Ann Selzer, dropped her final Iowa poll over the weekend, I exchanged messages with YJ to get his take. He was not impressed . . .
So, yeah, Yinzer Jimmy is, deservedly, feeling himself right now. So much so that he opened an account on X and has begun mocking us. We've created a monster.
Please go follow @Yinzer_Jimmy on X.
Jimmy Kimmel: broke down in tears over Trump's victory.
This man is as deranged as he is libtarded and loathsome.
What he says in this monologue is detached from reality. According to Kimmel, more than 140 million Americans voting to elect their next leader "was a bad night for democracy". No, the democratic process is the vehicle by which the people speak, and Kimmel is just mad that the people didn't sing his preferred tune. This election was not bad for democracy. It was democracy, as it should be.
And the crying. A grown man crying on television. Have you no shame, Kimmel? And did you notice that what finally broke him was when he got to the supposed threat Trump poses to . . . Ukrainians? The Ukranian people have been through enough these past three years and the last thing they need is whimpering from a blubbering pussy like you.
The amount of contempt you should possess for vapid, out-of-touch, hyperbolic to the point of hysteria celebrities should have no bounds. Grow a pair, you pussy.
The Libs: seem to be taking this loss in stride.
Yes, regardless of the video posted here, I mean this unironically. Sure, you will find videos of some screaming alone in their cars, but the mood feels different, more subdued than it did in 2016 or 2020. Anecdotally, the libs in my life have responded to this loss in a measured and, dare I say, reasonable manner.
I haven't seen anyone crying. I haven't had people yell at me for supporting Trump. Nobody's called off work due to grief. Sure, they're sad, but they're not apoplectic (yet). They're disappointed, but they're not burning down buildings (yet). They're worried, but they haven't donned their pink pussy hats just (yet).
I think there are a few reasons for this. First, I think many libs had a feeling, deep down, that she was going to lose, so Tuesday's results were not a shock to them. More importantly, I don't think there was EVER the type of enthusiasm for Kamala that there was for Hillary. Boomer women viewed Hillary as their avatar in the same way that Boomer men view Trump as theirs. That loss was especially painful to them because they viewed Hillary's ascension to power as the culmination of their own life journey. So, when Hillary was rejected by the American people, it felt like the American people rejected them as well.
These women never made that type of connection with Kamala. She's a cipher, nobody knows the real Kamala and any connections that people made with her had to have felt forced. There is no Kamala, there is only the carefully curated puppet of herself that she thinks you want her to be. That makes her loss much less personal and easier to shrug off.
Finally, I think corporate media holds less power than it did 4 years ago and significantly less than it did 8 years ago. The same people who rage-screamed in 2016 might still watch MSNBC, but more casual libtards probably don't. They're not as dialed in as they were during RussiaGate. They're not learning the intricacies of the Hatch Act to try and "get Trump". The radicalization of the average libtard probably peaked somewhere in 2021, and was revived briefly in 2022 after Dobbs, but the passion has been waning ever since.
Maybe it's fatigue. Maybe we just crushed them. Maybe I'm wrong and we'll see how poorly this ages in a little over two months from now.
The Boolletin: Boo wrote the gaffiest blog you'll ever read.
In perhaps one of most my impressive feats to date, I somehow convinced Boo to write a blog for Flappr. She's very smart, a very talented writer (lo-key cheeky too) and put together a very well-considered list of presidential campaign gaffes.
It's a fun walk down memory lane and, if you're like me, you might even learn about one or two you never heard of before. Like this quote from Ross Perot's VP nominee, Vice Admiral James Stockton.
So, if you haven't already, go read The Boolletin: What About Your Gaffes? and maybe we can convince her to submit an occasional entry to the Boolletin throughout the year. Thank you, Boo.
The Other McCain: Rule 5 Sunday: Pre-Coffee Lounging; Georgia: How’s ‘Jim Crow 2.0’ Working? and Election Results 2024: Trump Wins Pennsylvania, Will Be 47th U.S. President
The one where Robert Stacey McCain live blogged Election Night 2024:
"UPDATE 10:55 p.m. ET: Just watched Steve Kornacki do a symphony of hard truth on MSNBC. In state after state, county after county, tonight is looking more like 2016 — a Trump win — than like 2020, when Biden “won.” MSNBC hasn’t yet called either Georgia or North Carolina for Trump, but Decision Desk HQ has . . .
. . . UPDATE 1:30 a.m. ET Wednesday: TRUMP JUST WON IT!"
If you didn't follow along live on Election Night, this blog from TOM is a pretty great way to try and capture the experience.
Getting High on X
For the first time ever, Ben Shapiro interacted with Flappr on X. PLEASE BEN, PLEASE, OPEN THE DAILY WIRE COFFERS AND BUY THIS SITE!
Flappr had another 1M+ viewed tweet :-)
Izaboo is a based queen and dunked on The View.
Tiffany Gomas followed Flappr.
Halee has an alternative to the lib 4B plan to punish men.
Holly Briden is a master of her craft.
Fred pulled off something magnificent on Election Day.
Andrew really wanted to have his tweet featured here.
Montantè made a keen observation on Joy Reid.
Mama K made her first appearance on the Kirk Minihane Show.
Krissy purchased the sexiest shirt in existence (one of ours).
WriteGirl is preparing for the return of the Handmaid's.
GenXWolf trusts the science.
PizzaCzar deserved dunked on the doomers at National Review.
For all those who celebrate: It's Friday, Cloth Off.
Sports! Sports! Sports!
Editor's Note: I'm going to keep sports short this week, partly because of how much I've already written, partly because I'm still sick with the flu, and partly because the Bears and Blackhawks are depressing the fuck out of me (but mostly due to time constraints and the election taking precedence).
NFL Week 9: Reviewed by Flappr
"Caleb Williams sucked. His accuracy has gone to shit. He's missing on throws in a way that isn't giving his targets a chance to catch the ball. He's also trying to make the most difficult throws and passing up on much easier ones. I'm not ready to declare that Williams is a homosexual, but he's played like one the last two weeks."
That quote is from me in this week's BIG TDs Football Blog! See what you're missing out on? CLICK THE LINK, read what I had to say about your favorite team, and stay for the custom gifs, highlights, and my weekly meltdowns over the Bears! PLUS, by clicking that link you'll make me happy and that's worth something, right?
eGirl Sports Influencers: who did they endorse for President?
In effort to better understand the political dynamics of the eGirl Sports Influencer demographic, I decided to poll some of our favorites by venturing over to their social media accounts to see if I could find any official Trump or Harris endorsements. I am the Ann Selzer of eGirl polling (only my poll is accurate).
Here are my findings.
Paige Spiranac: No endorsement.
Livvy Dunne: No endorsement.
Kayla Simmons: No endorsement.
Mikayla Demaiter: No endorsement.
Bonus Sydney Sweeney: No endorsement (but come onnnnnnn).
There you have it folks, the first eGirl political poll ever conducted. These gals did not want to get involved in politics this year and thank heavens for that. That's refreshing. I'm sure that these women did vote and do have political beliefs, I appreciate that they did not feel compelled to tell us. There is nothing worse than people who adopt politics as their personality. Not everyone needs to know your political beliefs and I'm happier not knowing who they voted for. It would've broken my heart to learn that Sydney was a libtard!
Instead, I get to assume Paige was just focused on doing fun eGirl golf stuff and was oblivious to the fact that an election even took place!
There's something wholesome to that idea! Nature is healing!
We must investigate the literalness of this BSO headline (for journalistic purposes):
Yeah, that's Beyonce, and she's wearing a "Red Baywatch Swimsuit" and "Showing Side****S (sic)". This is a literal BSO headline. Well done, gents.
Not going to lie, she looks smoking here. Really, really, pretty. But isn't this literally "white face" or whatever? I mean, Beyonce is black and she's dressing up as a white woman, Pamela Anderson, for Halloween. Mind you, I could not give fewer shits about this - Beyonce looks smoking and wore this costume as an homage . . . . but isn't this exactly what the media told us was horribly racist?
Megyn Kelly was fired by NBC for saying “Truly, you do get in trouble if you are a white person who puts on blackface at Halloween or a black person who puts on whiteface for Halloween. Back when I was a kid, that was OK, as long as you were dressing up as, like, a character.” Yeah, she was fired for these comments in 2018.
Guess it's totally OK to wear "racially insensitive" costumes now? Maybe people are finally tired of woke bullshit, but I urge caution before dressing your kid up as comic book-accurate Black Panther next year. Just a hunch.
Meme of the Week!
This week's top honor goes to @magills_ for a full week of legendary-level meme work, including this accurate accounting of how Joe Biden feels after the election.
Yes, I unironically believe that Joe Biden wanted Kamala to lose and is happy that she did. There could be no more bitter to swallow than for a president to be forced off his own ticket to allow his Midwit Marxist VP to run in his place. Donald Trump was right when he said during the debate that "Biden can't stand her". Joe Biden never liked her, which is why he made her the "border czar' - he knew there was no way for her to succeed.
Jill Biden hates even more. Before Joe tabbed her for the ticket, Jill reportedly said "There are millions of people in the United States, she began. Why, she asked, do we have to choose the one who attacked Joe?" Do you think she wanted that backstabber to waltz into the presidency without ever earning a vote in a primary. FUCK No! I don't think it's an accident she wore red to go "vote" for Kamala either.
With Kamala defeated, the Bidens can always say "Hey, we never lost to him" and "You made a mistake by kicking him to the curb". They're not just happy she lost, they're ecstatic - just as Mags expertly captures in his meme.
That meme is so good, that Elon Musk let him know how good it was.
In fact, it was the second such interaction Mags had with Elon this past week. On Saturday, Musk appropriated a viral Peanut the Squirrel meme made by Mags and reposted it on his own feed. Typically, that's cunty behavior, but Musk left a reply on Mags' original post to let him know he knows where it came from.
So yeah, there's a good lesson to be learned here, kids - if you feel good about yourself for getting two Ben Shapiro RTs, remember that some asshole out there got two Elon replies to bring you back down and humble your ass.
I reached out to Mags for comment on winning this week's award and here's what he shared with me for publication:
So true, Kings. So true. RIP, Peanut.
Flappr Haute Coutre Merch of the Week
If you feel like being generous, you can purchase something from ClothOff.com, like this very chic shirt about tits that silence communists! This is a new design and it's pretty cool and also very fucking dumb. I'm not sure what I was thinking on this one. All profits are either donated to charity or go towards funding giveaways to members of this community.
Thank you for your time.
IF YOU MADE IT THIS FAR, LEAVE A COMMENT AND LET US KNOW HOW WE DID!