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Serious Matters & Unfolding Trends - 12.20.24

Writer's picture: bartlebybartleby

It’s news. It’s sports. It’s commentary on weird shit from around the internet.


It’s Serious Matters & Unfolding Trends, our weekly digest of curated links designed to keep you abreast of very important news!


Editor's Note: Please do not search for "Nancy Mace Boobs", "Boebert Boobs", "AOC Gazongas" or "other words for boobs". Thank you for your consideration.


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Serious Matters & Unfolding Trends!


A Quick Word!


This is the final edition of S M & U T before the holidays and I would just like to wish all of you and your families a very Merry Christmas. I hope you find time to spend with people you love and you let them know how much they mean to you. I encourage you to be generous and remember that it is not how many blessings we have, but what we do with our blessings.


And I thank you, for being generous to me.


I appreciate those of you who engage with our content, follow us on Twitter, and subscribe to our channel on YouTube. I do not make any money from running this website, but I remain fulfilled because it gives me an outlet for my creativity and I know that there is a small community out there that enjoys what we do. That's a special thing and I love you for it.


Merry Christmas, friends. Merry Christmas to you all.


I love you all, now let's get to the blog.


You Stupid Motherfuckers: A Defense of Sydney Sweeney


Sydney Sweeney in sunglasses wearing a bikini walks by a poolside. The background is purple, and greenery is visible, creating a relaxed mood.

Oooooo boy, buckle up, because I have had thoughts on this for a whole week and chose to save them for this blog. What follows is for the people who engaged in the Sydney Sweeney slander last weekend - the rest of you can skip this section or sit and silently nod along with the harsh truths I feel compelled to share. . . .


Alright, you stupid motherfuckers, I don't know who needs to hear this, but Sydney Sweeney is not "fat", "average looking", or a "catfish". Sydney Sweeney is objectively attractive by any non-communist standard of beauty. She even looks good in the photos at the center of this disgraceful saga. Do you ignorant cunts realize that she wasn't aware she was being photographed? Didn't you notice she wasn't wearing makeup? Don't you get that these photos were not intended to be flattering, but failed even within that context?


Pop art-style portrait of Sydney Sweeney with bright yellow hair, pink face, and bold makeup. The background is blue, creating a vibrant mood.

I know that you have a LeBron James-level intellect, but you're aware that women pose for photos, right? They don't ask their friends to photograph them hunched over while adjusting their bikini tops with their hair thrown up in a bun. Instead, they position their bodies in aesthetically flattering poses to present the best version of themselves. Posing is not new. People have been posing for as long as people have been trying to depict the human form on visual mediums.


Take, for example, Michelangelo's David.


Sydney Sweeney

Look at how David is standing with his weight on his right foot and his other leg forward. The Italians call this pose 'contrapposto' or 'counterpoise' and it serves two primary purposes here: 1) it conveys to the viewer a sense of potential energy, like David is about to move, which helps bring the sculpture to life; and 2) the pose contorts David's hips and shoulders to rest at opposing angles, giving a slight s-curve to his entire torso to emphasize his toned abs, and specifically, his cum-gutters (this is a scientific term, not my own).


David didn't spend all that time doing Goliath-Conquering-Crunches only to be memorialized as a soft-bodied shepherd, hunched over while eating sheep rectum or whatever the fuck they used to eat. No, David was a conquering hero, and Michaelangelo, while doing David no favors in the dick-size department, understood that he should be remembered as having an impressive fizeek.


This is no different than why women pose in the photos they post on social media. This is also why they wear makeup, take dozens of photos from various angles, and edit before sharing them with the world. Every woman does this and it's not a secret. They just want to look attractive. It's good for the ego. It doesn't mean that "they're ugly" or "have gotten fat" or "are a catfish" - it just means that if a paparazzi unexpectedly photographs someone relaxing poolside in Florida, in their backyard, they might not look exactly the way they do in a magazine spread, you cretinous cock gobblers.


Sydney Sweeney as Whistler's Mother

Ron DeSantis should find and imprison the paparazzo who took these photos. Not because Sweeney doesn't look attractive in them (she does, still very much 'would'), but because this was an invasion of her privacy. No, I'm not kidding. Arrest them, Governor DeSantis. That would be true leadership.


Sydney Sweeney

Fellas, , , if you unironically typed out the words "Midney Sweeney" last week, I cannot help you because you're either gay, retarded, or a hopelessly gay retard.

If you look at this woman and think to yourself "She's ugly", then you're fucked in the head. You've cranked your hog too much and consumed too much internet pr0n. You have gooner sensibilities. You're cum drunk. You have been poisoned by internet contrarianism. You're un-fucking-salvageable. You should move to a cave with your waifu pillow and leave the rest of us alone.


And ladies, , , if you saw those photos and felt the need to pile on about how Sweeney is only "average looking" with "OK boobs", well, you're as dull as the SIMPs who eagerly nod along with every stupid thing you post. I also don't think you fully comprehend the implications of Sydney Sweeney being just "average looking" because if Sweeney's only a 5 or a 6, then . . . yeeeeesh, what the hell are you? We might need to invent a new beauty scale for you because you're a bearded cave troll if Sydney Sweeney is only average.


Sydney Sweeney as Madame X

Finally, if you're a conservative who participated in this Marxist psyop, then you might be the most self-sabotaging twat of them all. Sweeney is conservative coded. She's fun. She's a throwback. She's an All-American Girl. She's blonde. When was the last time Hollywood produced a new blonde, A-list actress who dominated the cultural zeitgeist? I can't think of one in the past decade. Sweeney conquered Hollywood without ever REALLY supporting any Libtard causes.


In fact, in 2022 when Libtards came to cancel her because partygoers at her mom's birthday party wore MAGA-style hats emblazoned with “Make Sixty Great Again,” Sweeney didn't even apologize. Instead, she stood firm, posted a tweet saying that the outrage was "absurd", that the hats weren't a political statement, and told people to "stop making assumptions" and said she loved her mother.


Sydney Sweeney as Liberty

The fates handed conservatives Sydney Sweeney. We watched as her Glamorous Gobsmackers conquered the Globe. We celebrated when she put the Kardashians to the sword and liberated the West from cultural ass-centricity. And how did you appreciate this good fortune? How did we repay Sweeney for ushering in a new age of Mommy Milkies? By calling her fat for social media points and making her cry. The communASSts set a trap and you all fell for it - eagerly slandering this Queen for the crime of being a normal biological female. This is why we lose.



You people are no better than the climate homos who threw a can of soup on the Mona Lisa. You're fucking retards and you disgust me.


Leave Sydney Sweeney alone.



Smiling man in a Santa outfit with a white beard and wreath necklace, set against a green snowy forest background, conveying festive cheer.

According to the Daily Star, men are now competing with AI Bots for the attention of women. The article suggests that women are "de-centering men from their lives" and finding "pleasure through their mobile phone screens" by building "romantic 'connections' with an AI partner" to help women "explore their fantasies through intimate messages, or even naughty photos."


Was this article written by a rogue AI bot attempting to promote the seduction and breeding our women by AI to raise an army of human-AI hybrids? If so, the AI was smart to choose "Daddy Santa" as his agent for allurement because the only woman who would get off to an AI-generated image of Santa's dick is one with, you guessed it . . . . daddy issues.



You know what, ladies, if we're so bad that you want to fuck AI Santa Daddy and risk the potential of an AI-powered human-cyborg takeover, I say go for it, you pathetic degenerates. Things are soooooo bad for you in the real world, that we've left you no choice other than to let AI Santa Daddy pound you with his AI yule log. I mean, sure you live 5.8 years longer than men do in the United States, there are 3.1 million more of you attending college, and men are expected to fight wars and perform the most dangerous, thankless jobs in the world, but we elected Donald Trump and that was just so hurtful to you. How could we? We asked for this!


So, yeah, go fire up that AI app and let AI Santa Daddy know that you're lonely and your "cookie" needs to be eaten. Maybe he can invite over some of the AI elves and you can have a digitized gangbang! You could even let Rudolph watch because there are no laws against sexual assault committed against AI animals (though there should be)! Yep, I'm sure AI Santa Daddy is going to enjoy pillow talk with you after "coming down your chimney"! YOUR CHIMNEY IS YOUR BUTTHOLE, YOU AI-LOVING WHORES!



For fuck's sake, ladies, , , get your shit together. You're supposed to be the non-pathetic gender when it comes to sexual deviancy. Fucking an AI bot? That's something the repressed homos who called Sydney Sweeney "mid" would do.


How fucking embarrassing.




Oh, man, I need a palate cleanser after that, and . . . Elisha Cuthbert is one of my favorites. Yet, I have not seen her name pop up much recent years. How fitting that this Curvy Canuck resurfaces while the US contemplates whether we should annex our Moose-Fucking Neighbors to the north.


Perhaps this is a sign? Perhaps we should invade? Much to consider.


Cuthbert's acting credits date back to 1997, but her first big break came in 2001 when she was cast as Kim Bauer in 24. But I never watched that show, so I'm going to say her first big break came in 2003 when she nabbed a supporting role in Old School, a movie that launched the careers of Will Farrell and Vince Vaughn into the stratosphere. You couldn't walk into a high school cafeteria that year without hearing someone yelling out "YOU'RE MY BOY BLUE"! or "WE'RE GOING STREAKING!" Old School is the type of comedy that Hollywood doesn't make anymore because it features an ensemble cast of mostly white men behaving silly.


Cuthbert played "Darcie" in Old School, a girl that Mitch (Luke Wilson) hooks up with at Mitch-a-Palooza, a party thrown in his honor. We later learn, much to the shock and dismay of Mitch, that Darcie is a high school senior and the daughter of Mitch's boss. Cuthbert's screentime in the film was limited, but the scenes she appeared in were quite . . . . memorable.



The following year, Cuthbert's breakout movie role came in the form of The Girl Next Door, a highly underappreciated film that was almost assuredly inspired by Risky Business from 1983. I love both movies, they're both great coming-of-age dark dramedies that capture something unique about the transition into manhood.



In The Girl Next Door, Cuthbert plays Danielle, a pornstar with a heart of gold, who falls for Matthew (Emilie Hirsch), a dorky high school virgin who lives next door. Hi-jinks, as they so often do in these films, ensue. Matthew tries to save Danielle from a life of porn, which upsets her porn-directing ex-boyfriend (pimp?) who then tries to destroy Matthew's life. They end up needing money, so they agree to film a porn film during the senior prom.


You know, as I'm writing this, the movie sounds very statutory-rapey, but it's not! I swear, this is kind of a sweet movie, and it's become somewhat of a cult classic in recent years, no doubt in part because of Cuthbert's performance.


She's adorable. She has piercing blue eyes and a smile that lights up the screen. She also has the acting chops to flip a switch, turn edgy and deliver lines like "Do you wanna fuck me?" to a high school senior in a tortured and seductive tone.



Again, context matters here, folks, , , I swear this movie is more fun!


Anyway, The Girl Next Door did not catapult Hirsch or Cuthbert into stardom the way that Risky Business did Tom Cruise. Sadly, I don't think Cuthbert's career ever really took the next step. That's not to say she stopped working, Cuthbert was cast in several films, including House of Wax (alongside Paris Hilton for some reason) and a whole host of indie films that I won't pretend I've ever seen. But there never was a role that turned Cuthbert into a household name. And that's a shame because she's a good actress, with good comedic timing and is stunningly beautiful. She could've had Kate Hudson's career if her mom was Goldie Hawn. She might have been the Canadian Sydney Sweeney of the 00s if her career didn't coincide with the Kardashian Era of Titanic Tushes. Very sad.


It would appear, however, that Cuthbert settled into family life, becoming an SSO in 2012 when she married NHL Star Defenseman, Dion Phaneuf, and a MILF thereafter, when the couple welcomed their two children into the world. Cuthbert is now 42 but still has "hottest girl you know in real life" good looks. I hope that we see more of Cuthbert in the future, but I respect that she put having a family above living among lizard people in Hollywood. It cannot be easy to taste fame and then fade into a life of relative normalcy. That's an unselfish act and I hope that one day soon I can call The Girl Next Door, "my fellow American".


Here's a BILLION DOLLAR movie idea that I'm giving away for free. A sequel to The Girl Next Door centered around Cuthbert and Hirsch now being married and moving to a new neighborhood where their horny teenage neighbor learns about her past career in porn. Hijinks ensue. She looks beautiful. The movie is fun, raunchy, makes a bajillion dollars, and is titled . . . The MILF Next Door.



You're welcome, Hollywood.


 

News! News! News!




Congress just released a 1,547-page short-term continuing resolution to fund the government through the end of March 2025 and it may have already passed by the time you read this blog. Do you think you could finish reading a 1,547-page bill and digest the information contained therein in less than 5 days before voting on it? I sure fucking don't and I trust myself more than I do most of Congress to actually do the reading.


So, what the fuck? Why is this happening? Why does this bill need to be passed now and why does it include funding things not related to the continued funding of the government, like:


  • a 40% pay increase for Congressman;

  • funding for a State Department agency that blacklisted American citizens and news outlets on social media;

  • funding for at least 12 new Biolabs;

  • $50 million allocated towards President-elect Trump’s inauguration;

  • an administrative change to return the jurisdiction of RFK Memorial Stadium Campus from Maryland to D.C.

  • 72 pages of “Pandemic Preparedness and Response” policy; and

  • Who the fuck knows what else . . . ?


The answer to the "why" question is that our government is dysfunctional and has been for a very long time. These continuing resolution bills are passed because Congress is generally unable to enact the full set of annual appropriations bills before the start of the fiscal year (which begins on October 1st). So instead of funding the government in one bill, they are forced to fund the government through several CRs, which are negotiated and must pass both chambers. This gives the piggies extra opportunities to demand things be put into the CRs that don't belong in CRs, like . . . shit about the Commanders' football stadium.




This is stupid and inefficient and exactly the type of process that we've all just grown to accept despite it making no fucking sense whatsoever. The last time Congress passed all 12 appropriations bills on time was in 1997. A private business could not operate this way, but the governments do because they're not worried about wasting your tax dollars.


House Speaker Mike Johnson is not particularly good at his job if this was the best outcome he could get out of negotiations with Democrats; however, the task at hand is not an easy one. Johnson must navigate this CR with a very slim majority, that will only become slimmer when the next Congress is sworn in. To make matters more complex, Johnson's caucus is raucous (good rhyming by me) and they do not fall in line the way that Democrats reliably do. And Democrats know this, meaning Johnson is not negotiating from a position of strength. This gives Johnson few options - he can agree to this retarded CR, pissing off Republican voters who just voted to stop this type of shit or he can let the government shut down and hand Trump a disaster to clean up 30 days from now when he reclaims the presidency. Essentially, Johnson seems petty fucked here.


Speaking of Trump, he's been silent on this CR, which is odd considering he's rarely ever silent on anything. This leads me to think that he'd prefer that it just passes so he can start with a clean slate on January 20th. I don't necessarily blame him for wanting that, but he fired up a whole bunch of people with his draining-the-swamp rhetoric with the world's richest man who holds the world's largest megaphone being among them. Now Trump has to follow through and suffer the inevitable slings and arrows that come with making promises.



If it were up to me, I'd let the government shut down and see if your newfound coalition of Musk-led influencers can break through the traditional media framing of Republicans as the problem that Democrats are relying upon. This bill sucks. This process sucks. Americans deserve better and the only way we're going to get better is by disrupting the status quo and enduring a little pain along the way. To do that you need courage and fortitude. If Mike Johnson lacks the requisite amounts of either, then perhaps he's the wrong man for the job.

Vote no.


Update: between when I wrote this section earlier in the week and Friday, there was a Musk and Vivek-led uproar to this CR that resulted in its demise. The response even prompted Trump to post that he was "totally against" the legislation while insisting that any spending deal raise the debt ceiling before he gets into office (good luck with that).


Yes, I could've updated what I had written above, but chose not to because I am lazy, had already written quite a bit, and think my arguments still hold water!

This was a flex from Musk. He led the charge to torpedo the bill and it worked. For now, at least he is among the most influential people in American politics. I think he has good sensibilities, so I think this is a good thing . . . for now, at least.




Meh. It looks good, and I think James Gunn is a talented director . . . but meh.


Maybe it's just me, but I don't have the stomach for any more superhero movies. Disney oversaturated the market with so many bad ones over the past 5 years that I think we could all use a break from this genre.


Also, the new Superman looks a little twinkish compared to Henry Cavill, who literally just appeared in the role in 2022. Maybe it would've made sense to let this character rest for a while, so we could build up an appetite to see him again. Nicholas Hoult looks pretty good as Lex Luthor, though, that was an inspired casting choice. Rachel Brosnahan looks like an annoying journo, so I suppose she was a good choice for Lois Lane (though an actress with larger breasts would've been a nice change of pace).


This movie doesn't come out until July 2025, so perhaps I'll have found an interest by then, but for now . . . I'd probably just wait until it comes to streaming.



I think the fellas over at ToM might be off for Christmas break. I didn't see new blogs written this week. I still encourage you to visit their site because they are one of the ONLY blogs to share our work and I am immensely grateful that they are willing to do that for me.


I have been doing this for over four years and am barely able to get a few thousand people to read this blog each week. It's embarrassing. I think I do a good job of MAKING content, but I suck at marketing. It is very difficult to find readers these days and too few established blogs are willing to help upstarts find an audience. The guys who run ToM are the exception to that rule. Good dudes.


Getting High on X


 

Sports! Sports! Sports!


NFL Week 15: Reviewed by Flappr


"Fun Stat: @assliken will eat almost any mom's ass, but he refuses to eat the ass of any mothers from the Green Bay Packers because they are communists and repulsive. They beg him to eat their asses, but even he has limits."


That quote is from me in this week's BIG TDs Football Blog! See what you're missing out on? CLICK THE LINK, read what I had to say about your favorite team, and stay for the custom gifs, highlights, and my weekly meltdowns over the Bears!


The Atlanta Falcons: to whip out Penix on Sunday in Giant debut


This offseason, the Falcons signed Kirk Cousins to a four-year, $180 million contract with about $100 million in guaranteed money. Then they spent the 8th overall draft pick on Michael Penix, Jr., a 24-year-old quarterback with a history of knee injuries. The Falcons defended this decision by saying that Atlanta was going to win so many games with Cousins that it would not have an opportunity to draft this high for the foreseeable future.


Now they've benched Kirk Cousins, who they've already paid $62M and still owe another $38M, who will watch as Michael Penix, Jr. starts against the Giants on Sunday. And if they want to cut Cousins ahead of next season, it will count as a $65M dead cap hit. The Falcons are run by retards who genuinely don't seem to comprehend the concept of long-term roster planning.


That being said, I can't blame the Falcons for benching Cousins because he's sucked for well over a month now. In his last 5 games, Cousins has thrown 1 TD to 9 INTs, the Falcons are 1-4 and lost the NFC South lead to the Buccaneers.

To get a local perspective, I asked Falcons fan and six-time Flappr Meme of the Week Award Winner, @apparentlysteve, for his thoughts on Cousins' benching and he shared with me the following statement for publication.



You heard it here first, folks. All of the good vibes that Atlanta enjoyed in the first two months of the year are gone. Cousins must now spend the remainder of the season watching fans salivate over a big, new, shiny Penix, hoping it can satisfy them in ways he never could.



Here are some quotes from last week's blog:


"Would Josh Allen have set this NFL Record had he not popped the question to Hailee Steinfeld? Perhaps, but almost certainly not. The amount of testosterone pumping through Allen, knowing that his fiance, Hailee Steinfeld, was out there somewhere supporting him, must have been astronomical . . . ."

"That's right, the girl who captured America's heart with inspired performances in Pitch Perfect and True Grit inspired Josh Allen to take his game to new heights. That's the only explanation."


Now here is what Josh Allen said about his SSO on Wednesday when asked about his MVP Caliber play:


“She’s been a huge part. The morale, the SUPPORT. When I get home, she’s my biggest fan, my biggest SUPPORTER. She’s just the best.”


Ummmmm, it sure sounds like Josh Allen is calling Hailee Steinfeld a SUPPORTIVE SIGNIFICANT OTHER. I was right! I was right! I was right! I was right! I was right! I was right! I was right! I was right! I was right! I hate being so smart and so right about everything! It's a blessing and a curse!



Also, doesn't Allen's choice of words seem incredibly specific? Like, perhaps Josh Allen might have read someone refer to Hailee Steinfeld as a "supportive significant other" and then decided to adopt the vernacular for himself, maybe even to let a very distinct community know that he's one of them.


Holy shit . . . I think Josh Allen might read this blog.


Hi, Josh. We're big fans. Go win the Super Bowl, king.




It comes as no shock that Paige Spiranac has the good sense to come out and publicly defend Sydney Sweeney. This is why there never has been a suitable "The Paige Spiranac of <insert sport here>" and there never will be. She is the GOAT eGirl sports influencer. She's an APEX eGirl who has no equal.


If you can't from reading this blog or any of the 39 other editions in which she's appeared this year, I like Paige Spiranac. Yes, she is beautiful and I apparently have "a thing" for large busty blondes, but I also think she makes good content. She does semi-regular Q&A sessions with her 4 million followers on Instagram. She's self-effacing. She's effervescent. She's just kind of pleasant to watch.



That's something that I think the "Paige Pretenders" (a name I just made up for the eGirls who try and imitate but fail to duplicate Paige's success) fail to comprehend. Paige's success is not solely attributable to her looks. She has a brand. She was a D-I college golfer. She still golfs and continues to try and improve her game. That's admirable and the little extra "something" that makes one feel good about supporting her content.


Yet none of that would matter if she wasn't willing to laugh at herself and accept that part of her appeal is that she's beautiful and has Big Birdie-Sinking Blouse Bouncers. Paige is in on the jokes about her boobs. She willingly participates in the jokes about her boobs. She gets it and embraces it and if she ever stumbled across this blog, I think she'd get a kick out of the gifs we've made of her.

Let's enjoy some of my favorites from 2024!



Ah yes, this one was made as a reference to the number of blogs written (15) about Paige during a three-day span back in June. Bonus points to anyone in the comments who can recall the Flappr-specific inside joke that this gif was based on.

I will be very impressed if anyone can remember.



Ah, yes, Paige's "31 costumes in 31 days" Halloween thirst-posting campaign! Who could forget the iconic Baywatch look? She was born to fill out that red one-piece.



This gif was made as the result of me not wanting to have to listen to Shannon Sharpe's alleged Instagram Live streamed sex tape. I just made this instead.

Yes, indeed, thank you, Paige. We can't wait to see what you'll post in 2025!




The year is quickly coming to an end and it wouldn't have felt complete if we didn't check in on Kayla Simmons one last time in 2024. Simmons has been a major recurring subject during both T I T S and S M & U T eras of this weekly digest, racking up nearly 30 appearances over its multi-year run. She inspired the masses with her tenacity, continuing to make elite eGirl sports influencer content while rehabbing from a torn ACL she suffered playing volleyball or something.

It was this tireless work ethic that earned her the nickname The Gritty Grinder with Gorgeous Glands and cemented her legacy in Flappr Lore.


We haven't heard much from Kayla lately, though. She hasn't appeared on this blog in over two months. This was not intentional, but a byproduct of the boobie-blogosphere depriving us of Kayla content to report on and provide to you. I had to go looking for a three-week-old story just to make this segment relevant! This is a shame because Kayla has served as a muse to some of the best GIFs I've ever put together. Including the time she went Deep Sea Diving with sharks.



And when she showed off her cannon(s) while playing football at the beach!



And who could forget the ocean-side shower photos she posted? Those had me so mesmerized that I felt compelled to recreate Botticelli's Venus reborn with Kayla as the goddess herself!



You may have noticed a running theme here -- for some reason I find it very funny to pair beautiful images of her with Bill Belichick. I found it so funny that I continued to make gifs of Belichick with eGirls for months on end . . . until BB started dating one in real life.


Many people are saying my digital artwork inspired Bill to find an eGirl of his own. I think that's true and for that, I apologize. But whatever, shit happens, I suppose.

We love Kayla Simmons and we hope to see more of her in 2025.




We can't do a 2024 send-off for Kayla Simmons without highlighting Mikayla Demaiter as well. Kayla is the "World's Sexiest Volleyball Player" who no longer plays volleyball and Mikayla is the "World's Sexiest Hockey Goalie" who no longer plays hockey. Their names are similar (Kayla and MIKayla). Like Kayla, Mikayla has appeared in this blog nearly 30 times. They are like peanut butter and jelly. They are forever connected in my brain, which is a scary thing to admit.


Yet, I ascribe different personality types to them. Kayla is the gritty grinder that helps your team win Championships. Mikayla is more of a primadonna, a star that skips practices, but shows up and dominates games with flashy highlights. All of this is conjecture, completely made up in my head, but I think I'm right. Mikayla's content is typically much more aggressive and self-aggrandizing, while Kayla's thirst traps are more subtlely framed and artfully designed.


The fact that I notice these types of nuances in eGirl content producers is psychotic, but I am a keen observer of the human condition. I like to see how people behave and what makes them tick. I also love sports and inappropriately apply sports metaphors where they don't belong. Now that we've got that out of the way, let's look at some of the best Mikayla Demaiter gifs of 2024.




I did not remember this, but the gif is fucking great! Do you remember when Mikayla Demaiter helped launch Serious Matters & Unfolding Trends?"



I did not remember this, but these are great gifs and we hope to feature "World's Sexiest Hockey Goalie" Mikayla Demaiter in more of them in 2025!



We must investigate the literalness of this BSO headline (for journalistic purposes):



Upon review of the photo the headline is based on, we can see that it features Christina Aguilera. Moreover, Aguilera captioned this photo as "Birthday Suit #44", so we can safely assume it was posted in celebration of her birthday. She's topless in the photo, but wearing shorts, so I'm not quite sure it's accurate to says she "posed nude". Whatever, it's Christmas time and I'm feeling generous, so ignore that slight technical hyperbole.


But did this photo "send social media nuts"? For that, we'll need to check the comments. So, let's do that, shall we?


First up hip-hop connoisseur, aredouble9, who shared "Happy Birthday, youre def the hottest blonde i ever kissed🔥 even if it was 20 years ago", apparently claiming that he once made out with the Genie in a Bottle songstress when she was in her 20s. Doubtful, but who knows?


Meanwhile, alfi.reyes, commented "Several sizes smaller than Birthday Suit #43" which, I'm guessing is an allusion to potentially slanderous rumors that Aguilera's recent weight loss is the result of Ozempic. That's just not nice. You don't need to be mean for the sake of being mean.


And finally, joncarroll went the aggressive route, posting "Happy you blonde sex tigress with talent of the one of the sexiest bodies that has talent,sin Jon Carroll ♾️". I am guessing that Jon isn't a native English speaker, because his post as incoherently written as it was inappropriate to post.


However, based on all available evidence, I think we can say that, yes, Christina Aguilera's topless birthday Instagram post DID send "social media nuts". This was a literal BSO headline. Well done, gents.


Also, holy shit, she does look amazing in that photo. Good for her. If she is taking Ozempic, who the fuck cares? She should take more of it!

 

Meme of the Week!



This week's top meme honor goes to memeing legend, @midnightmitch for his Space Invaders-themed meme on the mysterious New Jersey drone phenomenon which caught the attention of Atari, who published the game in 1980. This is why social media can be cool sometimes. I don't think Atari even makes video games anymore (they don't), but it's just fucking cool to see them interacting with something like this on Twitter. It's stupid, but it's fun.


What's not fun is this drone issue, which I did not follow, but seemed kind of menacing from afar. What the fuck happened here? Why was there a wave of drone activity across New York and New Jersey? Why were some of them spotted near critical infrastructure sites and military installations?


The closest thing resembling an answer to any of these questions was Biden saying that there is "no sense of danger" and that the drones are "nothing nefarious apparently". Yeah, that's reassuring, you stupid, child-sniffing, fuck.


This is the frustrating thing about living in the digital age, we know something is going on here (maybe just trolling!) because we've seen videos of the fucking drones! We also know that the government KNOWS what is happening with the drones, but refuses to tell us the truth. This is one of those events that they're counting on us to forget about - AND THEY'RE RIGHT!


I reached out to @midnightmitch for comment on this week's win and here's what he shared with me for publication:



So true, King. So true.


 

 

No Context Random GIF I Made But Didn't Use!



3 Comments


Patrick Junior
Patrick Junior
Dec 22, 2024

I'm all ready to join the fight for beauty and Ms Sweeney. These communist gays have destroyed enough and we have to make a stand!


As far as The Girl Next Door, my favorite seen is when Mr Olyphant as the ex boyfriend/pimp pulls the kid outta class aggressively and as they walk out tells the rest of the class to stay in school.

https://youtu.be/ywL8PuaZkVo?si=dp6cm1wO4zaqSBL4


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Dimitri Kissov
Dimitri Kissov
Dec 21, 2024

Comrade Bird! Have a wonderful Christmas!

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PizzaCzar
PizzaCzar
Dec 20, 2024

Merry Christmas Bart. Hahaha “she plays volleyball or something”

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