It’s news. It’s sports. It’s commentary on weird shit from around the internet.
It’s Serious Matters & Unfolding Trends, our weekly digest of curated links designed to keep you abreast of very important news!
Editor's Note: Please do not search for "Nancy Mace Boobs", "Boebert Boobs", "AOC Gazongas" or "other words for boobs". Thank you for your consideration.
Editor's Note Part Deux: This was a busy week around Flappr HQ (holidays and all), so this episode of S M & U T will be shorter than usual (which means still much longer than necessary).
JUMP TO SECTIONS
Serious Matters & Unfolding Trends!
Nancy Mace: showed off her cute little pink taco
I had not planned to include any political discussion in the S M & U T this week. I wanted to detox from politics! My dog died! The Bears suck! But then one Flappr's most beloved followers on X, South Carolina Congresswoman, Nancy Mace, had to go post a photo of her little pink taco . . .
Do you know how many people tagged Flappr or sent us this post via DM? Like 30! What am I to do with this? How can I properly perform my unbiased journalistic duties when Nancy Mace's pink taco is thrust in my face all Thursday long?!
I am not complaining here, mind you, Mace's pink taco is petite, neatly manicured with lettuce and topped with a succulent helping of mouth-watering avocado. If I'm being honest, that little pink taco is adorable and looks delicious! Sweet looking little pink taco you got there, Nancy! Thank you for sharing!
But see what this has done? I'm here, making vagina and cunnilingus jokes! I am supposed to help select the Milkers of the Year Award recipients later this month and now all I can do is think about making witty puns and euphemisms about one of the contestant's hoo-hahs. This is the power of Nancy Mace and her Machiavellian Milk Wagon Manuevers! She's everywhere! All-encompassing! Even when you feel like she might be out of the news cycle, she does something that makes her IMPOSSIBLE to ignore.
The selection committee has much to discuss. Stay tuned.
According to the NY Post, there are "heaps" of posts on TikTok saying that "bee pollen can help make your breasts grow." The thought is that bee pollen (which is basically bee vomit created during the pollination process) contains phytoestrogens. This plant component mimics estrogen, which is the sex hormone that stimulates breast growth.
Hmph. Fascinating. Ladies, , , are you ingesting bee pollen to grow your boo-bees? This plan seems a bit half-baked if I'm being honest. There just aren't enough estrogen-mimicking effects in that phytoestrogenic bee pollen to make this worth your while! The doctor quoted in this article says that "phytoestrogens can have mild, short-lived estrogen-like effects, but they’re not potent enough to stimulate actual breast tissue growth in a lasting or noticeable way." I know this is disappointing news for all of us, but those bee-cups are not growing to Nancy Mace DDs just by dumping a little yellow-jacket-yak in your morning coffee.
Alright, gals, you run along now. Need to have a chat with the fellas.
**waits for all women to close this blog**
Ok, fellas, , , , can you imagine a world where bee pollen gives every woman Huge Hanging Honey Hives? I can, and I think we need to will this into existence. To be clear, the research in this study only shows that "no evidence exists" that bee pollen enhances natural breast growth, but the ladies in your life are probably not ingesting enough of this stuff to make a difference. And they're too trusting of "FDA regulations" and have too much "common sense" to really crank up their bee pollen intake to definitively determine if this stuff works or not.
That's where you come in!
You're a smart, savvy, internet guy. You know science! So, let's crank up the dosages, boys! Bee pollen goes in everything now - wine, yogurt, ice cream, spaghetti, burgers, you name it.
And you shouldn't stop there, put some in her shampoo, hand creams, toothpaste, and whatever else she rubs all over her body. Sprinkle some inside her bras, wash your towels and bed sheets in this stuff. We need total immersion. Not sure how much to use? Pick an amount that seems like way too much and then double it - that's the only way we'll know if this bee pollen boob growth thing has any merit.
We're all counting on you!
Sometimes, I marvel at how dominant boob culture has become. Take for example Tom Fernandez, a newly elected state senator from South Carolina, who drives a zombie-mashing outfitted Apocalypse Hellfire truck complete with a window sign that reads "My other ride has huge boobs".
When asked about the sign hanging in his truck, which cannot reasonably fit in normal parking spaces, Fernandez responded with "if someone’s offended by it, I’ll say it twice" and "What, are they jealous? My wife has an F-cup and theirs are flat? I’m sorry you don’t have as much fun as I do." Sorry, not, sorry libtards! Boo hoo, Senator Fernandez loves his truck and his wife's massive cans! Deal with it!
What a sign of times. What a show of strength for our movement. What a legend.
According to Fernandez's website, he came up short in his initial run for office, losing a race for the state house back in 2018. Undaunted, Tom decided to run for the Senate this past year, announcing his candidacy in March while wearing a gas mask while touting that the "swamp smells". And, wouldn't you know it, Fernandez won, flipping a seat that had been held by democrats for decades.
That's pretty cool. This dude is a character. And yes, his wife lovely wife Darelene, a retired nurse, does appear to have very large breasts.
I am very happy for Senator Fernandez, who reminds me of Cato The Younger - a conservative Roman senator who focused his efforts on the preservation of Roman values in decline (big naturals not getting enough appreciation). I am also happy for the Lowcountry constituents who sent this boob-loving anti-communASSt to their legislature to represent their concerns.
We now live in the Age of Mommy Milkers, long may it reign.
News! News! News!
Last week Trump announced that he would be imposing a 25% tax on all products entering the U.S. from Canada and Mexico as one of his first executive orders. I am a free-market guy, so I do not like tariffs. However, I really do not like Justin Trudeau, a communist pussy that makes Tim Walz seem masculine by comparison. So, despite my reservations, I laughed gleefully when threat of tariffs forced the sitting Canadian Prime Minister to travel south to Mar-a-lago and kiss the ring of the man he's so readily trashed over the last decade.
Then I found out that Trump asked Trudeau a question "your country can't survive unless it's ripping off the U.S. to the tune of $100 billion?" before suggesting that perhaps Canada should be annexed by the US and became our 51st state . . . and now I kind of love this tariff idea! Not in practice, but as a threat! They're a good negotiating chip, at least when wielded by an unpredictable chaos agent like Donald Trump! At a minimum, I like tariff threats when they're used against the alleged spawn of Fidel Castro - and not without reason!
You may not know this (because the media refused to report on it), but illegals do cross into the US from Canada. In fact, during the last four years we've seen record southbound illegal border crossings! Not from Canadians, but from Indians! In just the last two years, we've seen illegal border crossings by Indians increase TEN FOLD. This is likely the result of Trudeau's immigration policy, which made obtaining student visas easier and saw the importation of nearly 1,000,000 Indians in the past decade. It would appear that some of that group fly into Canada and then sneak into the United States. This has become such an issue that New York Governor, Kathy Hochul, just requested that DHS more than double the number of Border Patrol agents on New York’s border with Canada. So, yeah, you poutine-eating pussy boy, you better plug up that border, or maybe we'll do it for you!
And I know Trump was joking, but - maybe we should annex Canada? For all intents and purposes, they're already our vassals. They rely on us for practically all essential needs and do so with such a fucking attitude. There is nothing more annoying than engaging with Canadians who have built a national identity on "at least I'm not American". No, Canada, you're not American, you're something far worse and far more effeminate - you're fake-ass wannabe Europeans. Have you seen Europe these days? Things ain't going so well over there! Maybe you shouldn't have embraced the EU's mass migration policy, because it doesn't look to have helped improve the lives of Europeans much! Maybe cut the Syrupean bullshit and accept that you're not one of them (and the Europeans that you try and emulate think you're stupid, backward, moose-fucking, lumberjacks).
Look in the mirror, Canada, you have much more in common with us than you do anyone else. You should be begging for us to annex and bestow upon you the freedoms enshrined in our Bill of Rights! Just think, if you became our 51st state, you'd win a Stanley Cup for the first time since 1993! We'd even give you a cool new name, like . . . Northern North Dakota! Should you refuse? Well, as Thomas Jefferson once said, "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the maple syrup of patriots and tyrants."
The Other McCain: Rule 5 Sunday: Cheerful Bikini; Death of a Freak and For the Benefit of Nate Silver (and Anyone Else Who Has Just Now Discovered How Selfish and Dishonest Joe Biden Really Is)
Robert Stacey McCain shares his thoughts on Joe Biden pardoning his son:
"Much of the outrage directed at Joe Biden since the announcement that he would pardon Hunter Biden — a blanket pardon, covering any crimes committed during an entire decade, back to 2014 — is obviously disingenuous. The earlier public pronouncements by Biden that he would not pardon his son, which were echoed by his White House spokeswoman and various media pundits, were never credible, and only a fool would have believed them."
Here is nine minutes of libtards celebrating Biden after he said that he would “accept the outcome of this case" and not pardon his son, Hunter:
I would pardon my son for non-violent crimes. I'd especially pardon him for tax and gun charges because pffffft **jerking off gesture** I don't know what that says about me, but I'm just being honest.
The real scandal here is that Joe Biden clearly always intended to pardon his son. This is not just conjecture, NBC News reported this week that Biden had discussed pardoning his son with aides since the conviction was handed down in June, but they decided that "he would publicly say he would not pardon his son even though doing so remained on the table." So, basically, Joe Biden looked straight at the camera and said that he would not pardon Hunter knowing that he would, in fact, pardon Hunter. That's called lying, folks! You see, he said that he wasn't going to pardon Hunter for political purposes, so could give libtards a talking point they could use to contrast his "honor and integrity" against Trump!
Even worse, Biden handed Hunter a blanket pardon for “for any criminal offenses committed from Jan. 1, 2014, to Dec. 1, 2024, “including but not limited to all offenses charged or prosecuted (including any that have resulted in convictions).” That eleven-year period covers the entirety of the shady foreign influencing peddling scheme that's, more or less, public knowledge these days! With the stroke of a pen, Hunter can no longer face prosecution for the millions he reaped from Burisma or the Chinese state-owned companies who paid him $5 million in 2017, shortly after texting them that “I am sitting with my father and we would like to understand why the commitment has not been fulfilled".
What a coincidence!
Perhaps the most poetic element to this saga is that Joe had to pardon Hunter for laws that Joe Biden helped enact! People forget that the 1994 Crime Bill, was written by then-Senator Joe Biden and pushed for zero tolerance and mandatory minimum sentencing for things like . . . possession of crack cocaine, which Hunter Biden filmed himself possessing and smoking quite regularly!
Lots of people were sent to prison under this federal law. Hunter Biden COULD HAVE been sent to prison under this law but was not because, well, "The Big Guy".
The only people surprised by this news are brainwashed liberal cat ladies who thought that Joe Biden was someone other than the malignant DC Swamp Cunt he has been his entire career. Fuck Joe Biden, who was every bit as bad as you thought he was, but still somehow much worse. Let his legacy be one of disgrace because that's all he deserves.
Flappr: Farewell, My Big, Dumb, Farm Boy
I wrote a sappy personal essay on having to say goodbye to the best dog ever. I will probably delete it eventually, but if you've ever lost a pet, it might resonate with you. Not a pleasant experience, 0/10, do not recommend.
Thank you to everyone who reached out with kind words. It meant a lot.
Getting High on X
Flappr had another (near) million-view tweet this week.
Nancy Mace showed off her cute little pink taco.
Izaboo illustrated how to "raw dog the air".
Mitch points out that Taylor Lorenz is a psychotic tankie lizard person.
Sarah made Canadians VERY angry.
Krissy accurately described Justice Kentaji Brown Jackson.
Write Girl noticed the incompetency of the average corporate grunt.
ForestMommy has an idea for a new Amber Heard-inspired Gadsden flag.
Confirmed Miscer stood up for big boobs.
Kash Patel made his Cloth Off Friday debut:
Sports! Sports! Sports!
TNF: The Packers are fucking terrible, lose to Lions on last-second FG
HAHAHAHA! What a bunch of bums!
The Packers are in THIRD PLACE in their own division! Jordan Love was only 3 of 7 for 31 yards at half-time! He only threw one touchdown pass in this game! What a bum! The Packers should cut him and save themselves from having to smell is toxic breath during meetings!
The Packers couldn't even clinch a playoff spot like the Lions did in this game! They're a joke franchise! Disgusting commies losers haven't won a Super Bowl in over a decade! How do they even live with themselves?!?!
Phew, I'm glad I'm not a fan of THAT team . . .
The Chicago Bears: fired the biggest retard in football
Not long after I hit publish on last week's edition of S M & U T, which detailed how then Chicago Bears Head Coach, Matt Eberflus, was retarded, the team did something it had never once done before - they fired a head coach mid-season.
Good, great, hooray.
But he should never have started the season with this team, not with Eberflus already on the hot seat and not when they just spent the number 1 overall pick on a quarterback. You do not want to drop a rookie QB into a situation where his first coach and offensive coordinator get fired after one season (or in this situation, less than one season) and force the rookie QB to learn a whole new offense and adjust to a coach that may have wanted to draft someone else if they had the chance.
The Bears JUST MADE THIS MISTAKE WITH MITCH TRUBISKY AND AGAIN WITH JUSTIN FIELDS! Mitch Trubisky was drafted in 2017 to play for John Fox, who was fired after Trubisky's rookie season. Justin Fields was drafted in 2021 to play for Matt Nagy, who was fired after Fields' rookie season. Then, rather than learn from past organizational failures, Ryan Poles drafts Caleb Williams to play for Matt Eberflus, who had a 10-24 record to that point, knowing that Eberflus would be fired if the team did not succeed. And WHELLLLLP.
What you want in this scenario is a coach, GM and rookie QB all on the same timeline. Unless you already have an entrenched coach at the helm (like Mike Tomlin), a smart GM hires a coach and drafts a QB in the same offseason. That way there is continuity - the QB learns the offense during year one and then builds upon his mastery of the offensive concepts in year two and so forth. For Caleb Williams, who has been playing very heterosexual lately, he will likely need to learn a whole new scheme in the offseason. Not ideal!
Oh well, at least Eberflus, who will go down as one of the worst coaches in franchise history, is gone. Let's check in on just how bad things were the past three years:
• 14-32: Record (somehow not the worst winning pct in franchise history)
• 2-13: NFC North record (0-5 vs Green Bay)
• 3-19: Road record (0-5 this season)
• 5-19: Record in one-score games (worst in league history)
Now, in fairness, some of these numbers are a bit skewed because Eberflus was hired amidst a complete roster tear-down where the team was trying to lose. But I'm not feeling charitable right now. Matt Eberflus was a retard who did not understand how to manage game situations, and I'm thrilled he's gone.
Alexander Ovechkin: back on the ice
Remember a couple of weeks ago when I lamented how Alexander Ovechkin's undisclosed leg injury was going to delay his pursuit of Wayne Gretzky's all-time goals record? Turns out the injury was a fractured fibula, and the Capitals confirmed that their captain was expected to miss between four to six weeks.
Well, 17 days after breaking his leg Ovechkin is already back on the ice.
The team says that its initial 4-6 timeline for his return remains unchanged, but this is insane. Some dudes are just built different, some dudes just want it more. It's possible that Ovechkin is not 100% human. Russians are known to be overly friendly with bears, it could be the case that Ovechkin is part grizzly. Hard to say.
NY Post: Olivia Culpo shares heartfelt message to Christian McCaffrey amid 49ers star’s injury-plagued season
The San Francisco 49ers went 12-5 last season and came within minutes of winning the Super Bowl last year. This season they're 5-7 and look likely to miss the playoffs for the first time since 2020. There are many reasons for the Niners' disappointing year, but injuries are chief among them - stars Brandon Aiyuk, Nick Bosa, Trent Williams, and Dre Greenlaw have all missed significant time.
But San Fran's most impactful injury this year might have been to Christian McCaffrey, who started the season on IR, returned for four games, and just suffered a season-ending PCL strain. Last year, the best caucasian running back in generations led the league in rushing and total yards from scrimmage. This year he's been relegated to a sad shell of his former self. That sucks because McCaffrey is one of the most exciting players in the league to watch.
But I have faith that the former first-round pick will return to form next year, though, because he has the support of all-time SSO, Olivia Culpo, whom he married in the offseason and once said she wanted to "rip out her IUD" to start trying to have babies with him.
Culpo is the rare SSO who might be even more famous than her husband - but who nonetheless dedicates herself to her husband and his career. In the wake of McCaffrey's latest injury, Culpo commented on McCaffrey's social media post, saying “I love you so much. So proud of you always" and published her own story with a message that read "So proud of you, husband ♥️"
The amount of SSOing going on here is so thick you can cut it with a knife. This is so adorable that it makes me sick! Fellas, this is why you need to become an all-pro running back, get drafted in the first round, and find a supermodel to marry!
I'd wish Christian McCaffrey good luck in his recovery, but his good luck is probably wearing a bikini, sitting on this lap, and trying to make a baby with him.
Paige Spiranac: offers helpful advice to women
Did you know that shaving is the most suitable cream for whipped cream bikinis? I did not, and now I do thanks to the sage wisdom of none other than Paige Spiranac! Thank you, Paige, this is a fun fact indeed!
Now if, by the grace of God, your wife or girlfriend ever decides to try and re-enact that infamous scene from Varsity Blues you can tell her "No, no, honey, you have this all wrong. While Ali Larter appears to be wearing whipped cream in the movie, that's just Hollywood magic. You see, whipped cream would not actually stay in place. What you need is to go upstairs and grab my shaving cream, that's the ticket to a fully functional whipped cream bikini". Then you look deep into each other's eyes and, in unison, say to each other "Thank you, Paige Spiranac!" before proceeding to consummate your love for one another.
LOLOLOL. Oh, man, that's just never going to happen.
We must investigate the literalness of this BSO headline (for journalistic purposes):
Based on the images at issue here, we can clearly see that the subject of the photos is Mikayla Demaiter, who is "showing off her cleavage" while wearing a "tiny black bra and bikini".
But did Mikayala "storm Instagram" with these photos? To answer that, we'll need to research the comment section.
First up is Latin lothario, jose_o_linares, who went with "❤️🌹🔥 the most gorgeous girl God bless you" in his attempt to catch Ms. Demaiter's attention. I especially appreciate Jose's inclusion of the rose emoji here - you don't see many horny internet commenters go that route. Definitely a classy move.
On the other hand, leafr761 similarly chose to deploy the rose emoji in his very aggressive reply, which reads "Beautiful gorgeous delicious queen my hot sexy queen, love you forever delicious queen 🌹♥️🌹". I have to say, it no longer seems very classy to me. Now it just seems very creepy.
Finally, inappropriate Indian commenter, dancelikedesi, posted "How beautiful it would look to 🥜 on sis face" which I don't quite understand. What did he mean by the peanuts emoji? What reference am I missing here? Peanut on sis face doesn't make sense. Is he saying he wants to put his penis on her face? That would be gross. I'm not sure, but whatever his intention here . . . it probably wasn't very nice. And now the rose emoji seems much less creepy.
Based on all available evidence, I think we can say that, yes, Mikayla did storm Instagram while wearing a black bra and bikini, and this was a literal BSO headline.
Well done, gents.
Meme of the Week!
This week's top meme honors goes out to @midnight_mitch for this post mocking Joe Biden's disheveled appearance at last night's national tree lighting ceremony.
Why did this meme win? Because Fuck Joe Biden, that's why.
I reached out @midnight_mitch for comment on taking home this week's award and here's what he shared with me for publication:
So true, king, so true.
IF YOU MADE IT THIS FAR, LEAVE A COMMENT AND LET US KNOW HOW WE DID!