We've curated our own weekly digest of links from around the internet entitled "Tremendously Intriguing Topical Subjects" to help keep you abreast of very important news!
We will deliver T.I.T.S. (coincidental acronym) to your inbox every Friday (if you subscribe to our blog)!
Very Important News!
Alexandra Daddario: got some love from Sydney Sweeney in act of funbag-fueled-friendship.
In my effort to entertain and inform you this week, I was looking for topics (tremendously intriguing ones) to investigate and stumbled upon Alexandra Daddario In Bikini Sunbathe Is Getting Boys ‘Distracted’ from a website called The Blast. As an investigative journalist, I felt compelled to click to learn more about how and why Alexandra Daddario's bikini was distracting boys. What I found was something far more compelling.
The story itself was misleading, as the picture featured wasn't of Ms. Daddario sunbathing, there were no distracted males and the photos themselves were several months old. Yet, through dogged reporting and the relentless pursuit of truth, I uncovered the real story behind this photo - Sydney Sweeney liked it on Instagram. A buxom blonde reaching across the aisle and offering praise to a beautifully buoyant brunette? That is true sweater stretcher solidarity.
In my mind, where I contemplate things for journalistic purposes, I imagine Ms. Sweeney mindlessly scrolling her phone on a yacht in Ibiza (probably wearing a thongkini, but that's irrelevant for this hypothetical) and coming across this Instagram post from her White Lotus co-star. Astonished by the sight of Daddario's Twin Towers of Manpleasing Power, Ms. Sweeney lifts up her sunglasses for closer examination. With an approving nod, Sydney then clicks the like button on the post, puts her phone down and resumes sunbathing in the Balearic Sea.
Game recognizes game. That's journalism, folks.
I've never been a big fan of themed weddings - have always found them to be a little too 'extra' for my tastes. A KFC-themed wedding would not be my preference, but, you know what - fuck it, good for Liang! She looks really happy, and I bet the KFC sold in Singapore is of much higher quality than the slop they serve up here.
I mean, just look at that face! She's literally glowing (though, that could just be grease from the chicken). How could anyone throw cold water on love? I am pro-marriage, even if your wedding is held at a KFC. After the ceremony, I bet Xie Peng, Liang's new husband, nibbled on some thigh, munched on some breast, whipped out his Double Down and took his bride's Big Box to pound town!
And after they finished eating, I bet they had sex with each other!
So, this woman is beautiful, doesn't want to have kids and has 118 reasons why, including things such as "they are YOUR responsibility until the day you die", "the worlds (sic) [is] already overpopulated" and "they can poo inside you". The world being overpopulated is leftist, anti-human, garbage, but she's right that babies do poop inside the womb (meconium) and should be your responsibility until you die.
Oh, POOOOOR you.
For fucks sake, what purpose are we here for other than to procreate? Are we just this cosmic mistake that exists solely to scroll on our phones, stuff our faces, occasionally fuck someone/something and then die alone? What if everyone had this same opinion? Should we just end civilization because "[c]hildren are noisy" and "[y]our nipples can reach the size of dinner plates"?
I am not saying that children must be for everyone, in fact, it's probably a good thing that some people do not reproduce (like leftards who think the world is overpopulated), but to so casually disregard one of our biological imperatives seems callous and stupid. To me, it sounds like the ramblings of a person who has no love left to give children, because she's used it all up on herself.
Oooh, another one of these "omg, I didn't realize the entire world could see my nipples and/or butthole in this obviously revealing dress that I wore as a clever ploy to expose myself and titillate the public for internet notoriety" type stories!
I wrote about several of these a few weeks back and I'm guessing that this one is no different, but for the purposes of searching for truth, we shall investigate:
Actually, I kind of think this one might be legit? This girl doesn't seem as corrupted as the others often do and this illustration isn't quite as revealing and/or scandalizing as this format of video tends to be. Plus, she's wearing a sundress here, so I am inclined to give this woman the benefit of the doubt.
For the ladies reading this blog (all three of you), is this something that could happen? Do you ever notice that a dress is a little more sheer than you originally believed? I would like to hear your opinion. Please share them in the comments.
Daily Star: Lofty '7ft' adult star wows in bikini for '23rd birthday' – but fans say something's off
Ok, I am interested in this story for a very funny reason - The Daily Star did some journalism. According to this story, in response to people online "scratching their heads" over whether or not this woman was actually 7 feet tall, the Daily Star did some investigating and "spoke to the brunette beauty, who confessed she’s actually 6ft 2in (and a half)".
What's more, the Daily Star outed this conning colossus once again as "as this time, she’s pinned herself six-years younger than her real age of 29 years old." Would you look at that? She's really 29 but posted a birthday thirst photo pretending to be 23 and the Daily Star called her out on it!
If you can't trust the girl trying to sell you her bathwater. . . who can you trust?
Kudos to our friends at the Daily Star. This is Pulitzer winning stuff! I am kind of jealous, to be honest. I think I need to start reaching out to InstaThots and questioning whether or not they REALLY didn't know that their dresses were see-through, or if they REALLY caught their step-brother subscribing to their OnlyFans account. It's what people "scratching their heads" are looking for - answers to whether or not their favorite eGirls are being forthright with them.
I should get on that, but probably won't.
According the article, this ample bottomed Texan is constantly accused of "having a fake booty" but she insists that its real due to her "muscular build and thickness".
Hmmm. . . we must investigate available evidence for journalistic purposes.
Hmmm . . . I have reviewed the available evidence (again, for journalistic purposes) and am unable to reach a conclusion on whether or not this Titanic Tuchus is real or the result of fat grafting from a Brazilian Butt Lift.
On one hand, the heroine of this story does appear to be as she described, possessing both a "muscular build" and "thickness". On the other hand, the amount of reverberative jiggling seen during her performative bounce suggests that there is some fat on that fanny.
Let's review again in slow motion:
Full disclosure: I am an admitted aficionado of female human breasts, so surgically enhanced bottoms are not my area of expertise. On this one in particular, I genuinely don't know what to think and rather than potentially slander this nice lady, I'm just going to provide you with the evidence and the power to draw your own conclusions.
That's true journalism, folks.
As an asside (intentional misspelling for comedic purposes), how would you rate these alleged (not by me, mind you) gigantic-grafted glutes, Al Pacino from Heat?
Yeah, I saw this one coming from you, Al Pacino from heat. We do disagree on this one, though. I am not as big of a fan of the big ones as you are, Al Pacino from Heat, and that rearguard has a little too much girth for my preferences.
Oh well, to each their own.
Important News!
Ron DeSantis debated Gavin Newsom: debated.
This was an odd event. On one side you have a governor running for president (currently a distant second in the polls). On the other side, you have a governor who is not running for president, but clearly wants to and may end up running because the incumbent is 81, incredibly unpopular and very feeble.
At the end of the day, I don't think either of these men will end up being the nominees for their respective parties, but I do think this debate was good for America. It is good to have these two men, both with presidential ambitions, providing people with their vision for the country.
We need more of this.
We need people to see these people with their own eyes instead of the way they are portrayed by the media (which is almost always skewed). We need people to hear Gavin Newsom defend his failed policies from his own mouth, without the sympathetic media filter. Let people hear his vision and decide for themselves if they want the California model to govern the country. I think they'll say no.
I think DeSantis won the debate. I think he was successful in exposing Newsome as a tyrannical fraud. I think that it was fantastic that he pulled out the San Franciso poop map and reminded people how destructive lockdowns were. I think that even if you don't support Desantis' candidacy for president, you should be happy that he represented your "side" and values more than adequately.
Moving on . . .
Henry Kissinger: dead at 100.
Born in Germany on May 27th, 1923 in Fürth, Bavaria, Germany, Henry Kissinger died on Wednesday, finishing his 100-year journey that saw him serve as secretary of state and national security advisor to presidents Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford.
Kissinger's career as a secretary, diplomat and strategist was amazing, mixed, or terrible, depending on where you stand. He was brilliant, or Machiavellian, or a war criminal, depending on what you read.
To me, it's probably a little mix of all of the above. Kissinger and Nixon opened China in the early 70s and are probably responsible for China's economic ascendency today (which is why he is revered in China to this day). They believed that free market trade would bring about political reform, freedom and human rights. They were wrong. He also supported coups in Chile and Argentina and is probably responsible for bombings in Cambodia and Laos (which killed lots of people). Those were bad things.
Kissinger also helped cool tensions with the Soviets using his diplomatic strategy of détente and likely helped bring about the end of The Cold War. Kissinger had a hand in saving humanity from nuclear annihilation - that's a good thing.
The portly, Harry Caray glasses wearing, kraut also was something of a cocksman, having (allegedly) bedded Hollywood starlets Candace Bergen, Shirley MacLaine and Marlo Thomas. He was not a handsome man, but once famously said that power was "the ultimate aphrodisiac".
Regardless of what you think, one cannot deny that Kissinger left his imprint on the world. At the end of the day - Kissinger's legacy is more bad than good but I also agree with the brilliant @ManDaveJobGood who said "[i]f America is destined to be an empire, I prefer one led by people like Kissinger to one led by a fusion of neoconservatives and gay race communists." Oh well. He's dead now.
Moving on . . .
I know many of you have very mixed feeling about Elon Musk and I can't say I don't share some of the same apprehensions. Yet, at the end of the day, there has been only one man of means willing to stand up for classically western and American values - and that is Elon Musk. He actually put his money where his mouth is, bought the biggest megaphone the world has ever seen and has (mostly) helped return it to the people.
That's a good thing. That's an important thing. And whom among us hasn't dreamed of a day you could tell Bob Iger to go fuck himself?
Thank you, Elon.
Donald Trump: endorsed by BLM?
This is a weird one!
In all honesty, I think this "endorsement" is just one guy, from one BLM chapter (Rhode Island) who is probably genuinely frustrated by the Democrats lack of follow through on their unconstitutional promises. I'm guessing this BLM "founder" probably also recognizes that this is an opportunity to make a name for himself.
Moving on . . .
Jay Nordlinger | National Review: The 1973 Nobel
The one in which Jay Nordlinger reflects on the 1973 Nobel Peace Prize and offers some interesting insights into how that year's award is viewed today.
From the article:
Everyone says that the 1973 award is the “most unpopular” Nobel award ever, and that is probably true. But the nature of the unpopularity is worth pondering. The critics mainly objected to the half of the prize going to Kissinger, not the half going to Le Duc Tho. They thought it outrageous that the American secretary of state had won the Nobel prize, not so much that the representative of a totalitarian and mass-murdering dictatorship had done so.
It's a fascinating look at the times and worth a read.
Charles C.W. Cooke | National Review: Everyone Should Be Thankful for Something
The one in which Charlie Cooke offers some perspectives on how lucky we all are to be living in America in 2023 (he's right).
From the article:
Step back a moment and think about how phenomenally lucky you were to be born when you were in human history, and, on top of that, how marvelously fortunate you were to live in the United States of America. It’s a bloody miracle. Had things been a little different, you could have been born in Scotland in the year 762, and frozen your ass off next to a sheep. Or you could have been born in Russia in 1804, and been a serf with a drinking problem. Or you could have been born in some outpost of the Roman Empire and died at 25 years old. But you weren’t. You won. Congratulations!
Yes, you are very lucky. Yes, America is still great, despite our current president. No, appreciating that fact does not make you weak or mean that you should not strive to help mold America into the version you desire.
The Other McCain: Rule 5 Sunday: Face Time; Suspect in Shooting of Palestinian Students ‘Struggled With Depression’; and Another ‘Pretendian’ Exposed
The one in which Robert Stacy McCain shares with you the story of a folk singer that was outed as pretending to have Native American ancestry.
From the article:
What’s wrong with being white, huh? This was part of what I hated about Elizabeth Warren and her “high cheekbones” nonsense about being part Cherokee. While I would expect that anyone of genuine Cherokee ancestry would be proud of who they were, the fakery of “Fauxcahontas” Warren implies that there’s something shameful — some inferiority — in merely being white. What inspires most such fakery, I believe, is that so few Americans know anything about their actual genealogy.
A fascinating read. I generally agree with RSM's take, but I would add that our culture has created perverse incentives for being one of the "oppressed".
Animal Magnetism: Vacation Totty IV
It appears that Animal is on vacation this week but has left you with some things to enjoy in his absence.
David Thompson: Don’t Forget The Gift Wrap; and Vacancy Announced
The one in which David shares with you a promising job opportunity in the coming communist revolution in America - which is coming any day now, apparently.
Yeah, sure. Whatever.
Important Sports News!
TNF: Seahawks last stand falls short; Cowboys win 41-35
The Seahawks controlled most of this game. I didn't think that Geno Smith could put up 35 points on the road against a loaded Cowboys defense. I don't think the Seahawks could've played much better, but Pete Carroll's club still lost.
That sucks for them. The next two weeks they play the Niners and the Eagles and will likely be 6-8 heading into their final three games. They needed this win, but Dak Prescott is playing some of the best football of his career and ripped their hearts out. Dak might be the MVP of the league this year! I still think the Cowboys ultimately lose in hilarious fashion in the playoffs and Mike McCarthy loses his job.
Patrick Kane: is back; signs 1 year deal with the Red Wings.
20-year-old me would be devastated the news that Patrick Kane signed with our most hated rival. Current day me is just happy that Kaner is back in the NHL after having offseason hip resurfacing surgery (which basically no hockey player has ever come back from).
Patrick Kane is the best US born hockey player to ever live, a Chicago LEGEND and the Red Wings are no longer in our division . . . so, I'll suck this one up and hope that he puts up insane numbers for a team that ruined my childhood.
Who knows, it's only a 1-year deal so maybe he'll return home next season to help Connor Bedard return the Blackhawks to their rightful place atop the NHL.
Speaking of . . .
Corey Perry: did not fuck Connor Bedard's mom, so stop being mean, you animals!
No, Josh, Corey Perry did NOT sleep with Connor Bedard's mom! That's a heinous accusation, JOSH! Melanie Bedard is a very nice lady and she would never do something like that, JOSH! Just because Melanie Bedard is a MILF doesn't mean she'd have sex with Corey Perry, JOSH!
This rumor is actually insane and something that could only happen on the internet. I don't even know the origin, but it all stems from the fact that Corey Perry was abruptly removed from the team after what GM Kyle Davidson says was "conduct that is unacceptable, and in violation of both the terms of his Standard Player's Contract and the Blackhawks' internal policies intended to promote professional and safe work environments."
Internet trolls seized on the initial speculation of Perry's sudden departure from the team to connect dots that don't exist and conclude that Perry was cut because he had intercourse with Connor Bedard's mom. Fucking hell.
This is all NOT TRUE! The GM even said "[t]his does not involve any players or their families, and anything that suggests otherwise, or anyone that suggests otherwise is wildly inaccurate. And frankly, it’s disgusting." There you have it! I'm sure that will stop all the endless memes and trolls on Twitter!
Leave the Bedards alone, you jerks! Stop fucking with this kid's head, we need him!
Jerry Thornton | Barstool Sports: We May Finally See the 'Dead' in Deadspin After They Attack a Young Chiefs Fan for Wearing Native American Gear. A Kid Who Happens to Be Native American.
I will slightly disagree with my good friend, @cosmopterix on this one - I think the funniest outcome to this story ends with Deadspin finally being put to rest via a lawsuit that bankrupts the company. A lawsuit that occurs solely because this nominal sports website cannot stop writing about how everything and anything is somehow racist, sexist, or some other "ist" they manage to conjure up.
Deadspin, which was once the pinnacle of irreverent sports blogging, is a website that seems to be employed by people who hate sports and sports fans. They get very little engagement on social media (unless they're being ratioed for terrible takes). The outlet has become a place that seemingly exists only to scold and humiliate people they disagree with politically (mostly white people). The Armentas family seemingly has an opportunity to put Deadspin out of its misery and if they did, the world would be a better place.
Cam Newton: says Bill Belichick is going to coach the Panthers next Year.
To me, this makes literally zero sense. The Panthers are run by David Tepper, a billionaire hedge fund manager, who has fired coaches mid season in each of the past three years. Tepper is an owner who likes meddle and Belichick is a coach who likes complete control of his operation.
This would be a match made in hell for all parties involved and would likely result in Belichick eventually getting paid a SHITLOAD to not coach the Panthers. I mean, do you think Bill B is really going to hitch his wagon to a team with a shitty dwarf at QB, zero offensive weapons and a talented, but injured and underperforming defense? If he was going to do that, he may as well stay in New England.
I don't want this for great American, Bill Belichick. He'd look terrible in that ugly shade of blue. Please start winning some fucking games already, BB. We can't let you go out like this.
Paige Spiranac: is an author.
This is why I take umbrage with how some websites throw around the status titles like "the Paige Spiranac of <insert sport here>". There is no other internet sports influencer that wields cultural relevancy like Paige does and can on a weekly basis.
Do you think the so-called "Paige Spiranac of Tennis" is getting a book published? Doubtful. There is only one Paige Spiranac and she runs the internet with no equal.
Paige's new book Hattie Goes Golfing, co-written with her sister, Lexie Mitchell, is according to Paige, a story "about finding courage to try something new, especially when you don’t feel like you fit in." It sounds riveting and could be the perfect stocking stuffer this Christmas season.
If enough people encourage me to do so, I might just purchase a copy and write a book report to share with the class.
Outkick: Title Fight Affectionately Referred To As ‘Battle Of The Boobs’ Has Been Called Off Due To Injury
Well, this is a shame. I think we all would've liked to have seen, or at least watched clips from, the so-called 'Battle of the Boobs'.
Unfortunately, it would seem that Ebanie Bridges (pictured above) will no longer be able to defend her title against Avril Mathie (not picture, but also hot) because Mathie suffered an injury while training for the fight.
Seems that we're all losing out on this one. I do think that Ebanie Bridges seems like a candidate for Flappr's first ever official female boxer endorsement, though.
We must investigate the literalness of this BSO headline (journalism purposes):
BSO Headline Literalness Rating: lololol, oh yeah, that appears to be Kayla Simmons and she is definitely 'flaunting massive cleavage while sticking her tongue out'. Though, while it appears likely that the bra she is wearing a 'see-through', we are unable to confirm the truth of this statement.
Final BSO Literalness Rating: This is a very literal, though unconfirmed, BSO headline.
Very Important Meme of the Week
Our meme of the week comes to us from @apparentlysteve, who went somewhat viral for this banger depicting a future we all hope becomes the present someday.
Well done, Steve! 10/10, please, please, please, bring the libel suit.
Some Flappr Blogs
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Worked great for me. Since my usual rig is a and old Dell running Win 7, using this fancy new laptop may have some advantages after all. Better T.I.T.S!
Buy the book! I'm looking forward to your book report!
Inadvertent see-through clothes are indeed an issue, especially now that manufacturers are using as little thread as possible. I guess shrinkflation has its upside.
I laughed out loud reading your prediction for the Cowboys and McCarthy. 🤌
Love your content! Hope you continue to shit enjoy