We've curated our own weekly digest of links from around the internet entitled "Tremendously Intriguing Topical Subjects" to help keep you abreast of very important news!
We will deliver T.I.T.S. (coincidental acronym) to your inbox every Friday (if you subscribe to our blog)!
Very Important News!
Treat Yourself: to Flappr branded merch on ClothOff.com this Christmas.
I think I can say this with a straight face: I rarely ask you to pay for anything. This site has no ads, we have no Patreon, we release our highly acclaimed documentaries for free. This will continue to be our standard operating procedure.
BUT, if you're looking for a way to contribute (and purchase a garment suitable to be married in) you could head over to ClothOff.com to buy yourself something for Christmas! The money we make from these sales goes directly to one of two things: 1) charity or GoFundMes for members of the community; or 2) to fund merch giveaways for the volunteer contributors of this website. Literally, that's it - we don't even use the money to pay for our web hosting costs.
No pressure. Just a thought. We still love you regardless.
Nancy Mace and TMFINR: posted holiday thirst on Twitter; are making strong case to win Flappr's 2023 Milker's of the Year Award.
We're about two weeks away from handing out Flappr's 2023 Milkers of the Year Award and suddenly . . . two of this year's 'top' contenders post elite level dairy thirst on social media. Was this a coincidence? Almost certainly. Yet, I choose to believe that these two titans of the tatas decided to put their best chest forward to impress our selection committee.
And it worked.
These photos went viral. Flappr was tagged in the replies approximately 69 times. While Flappr's proprietary methodology for selecting Milkers of the Year does endeavor to minimize recency bias - we remain human and seeing these photos so close to the finish line are definite resume boosters. We encourage other contenders to follow suit. The committee will be watching.
To prepare yourself for this year's Festival of Funbags, you should go read the MOTY award blog for 2021 and the MOTY Award blog for 2022. Yes, you have a homework assignment. Yes, this is that important. Do the reading.
Distractify: Woman's Boyfriend Refused to Bring Her Toilet Paper, Told Her to "Figure It Out" — She Dumped Him
Folks, , , , if you've reached the 'I hate this person so much that I will not, on principle, walk to get them toilet paper to wipe their poopy butt' stage of a relationship, I think it's time to call it quits. If you can't rely on your partner to help you clean your ass in your 20s, then you sure as hell can't rely on that person to clean your ass in your 80s - when you might actually need help wiping.
Thankfully, we all know that this story has to be a hoax since women don't poop.
Oh, I'm sure it can't be THAT bad. . . let's investigate, shall we?
Wow, that was awesome. An attractive mom, running harder than she probably has in years, takes a hilarious faceplant, her dress goes flying, the kids are sitting 10 feet away as she goes face down/ass up in a black thong, the crowd gasps.
It's exactly what I was talking about a few weeks back when I said that accidental nudity 'is the spice of life that reminds us that the human condition is chaotic and beautiful!' How could anyone watch that video and not feel happy? Well, unless you're the 'mum' that just showed a class of fourth graders your butt hole . . . she's probably not thrilled.
That pose after she collects herself is the pose one makes after you accidentally knock over your drink at a restaurant - broken glass, ice and rum & coke spilled everywhere. What do you do? You want to help clean it up, but you don't have a broom or dustpan and you're wearing your 'nice clothes'. There is nothing you can do, so you have to just sit there, humiliated, while the wait staff sops up the mess you made (you do leave a 40-50% tip, though).
That's this lady. There's no putting this sexy thong'd genie back in the bottle. She instantly knows she's going to have to live with this one for a long time. This video is stimulating, tragic and perfectly captures part of the human experience.
This might be my favorite video of all time. Amazing.
Daily Mirror: 'I'm a hot wife - trolls call my husband ugly and say I'm just with him for Green Card'
So, this is Scott and Divine. Scott suffers from a chronic auto-immune disorder, that has left him looking like a more handsome, less bald, version of David French. These two crazy kids met online when Divine 'accidentally' messaged Scott by mistake while she was living in the Philippines and he was living in Texas. Since then, they have fallen in love, married and now post about their relationship on social media. Since Divine is attractive and Scott looks like Scott, trolls have accused Divine of being a gold-digger who sought Scott out for a Green Card.
Look, folks,,, I've watched several seasons 90 Day Fiancé. Women from the Philippines seeking out men from the States to marry is a thing. So, there is probably a kernel of truth to the accusations from the trolls. It's pretty hard to just 'mistakenly' find and message someone online these days, you know?
But even if she did seek out Scott in hopes that they might one day live in the States together, so what? Scott looks happy. Divine seems happy to be here and be here with Scott. They make fun content together (which is not, to my knowledge, pornographic). So, what's wrong with this arrangement? Do you think Scott gives a fuck? Have you seen him?
I guess what I'm trying to say is that this woman saw value in Scott and whatever that value originally was (probably geographically-related) it seems to have turned into genuine affection. Scott saw value in Divine (probably that she was way hotter than any woman who would bone him stateside) and that turned into marriage.
So long as they remain good to each other and committed to their marriage, how could you look at their relationship as anything other than success?
If you've watched the clip above, Jennifer Aniston and Jon Hamm bump proverbial uglies in a scene during The Morning Show, an AppleTV show which I did not know was still in production. I saw a few episodes and it's not very good.
I did find a few quotes from this article to be worth discussing, however, namely that the producers asked if Hamm and Aniston if they 'wanted an intimacy coordinator.' According to Aniston, an 'intimacy coordinator' is someone on set that asks the actors 'if you’re OK' during sex scenes. Aniston rejected the offer and filmed the scenes with Hamm the old-fashioned way - naked, except for something to cover up her nips and minge (probably).
That's kind of cool and I can't say I blame her. Despite being a libtard (and degenerate St. Louis Blues fan), Jon Hamm is undeniably handsome and reportedly has a huge dong (Jon's Hamm). What I can't comprehend is how these people can grind up on each other and feel no sexual arousal and/or how an intimacy coordinator adds any value. I suspect that the actors must get hornt up to some degree and that intimacy coordinators are a creation of the MeToo movement and only make filming such scenes that much more awkward.
** Satirical Dramatization for Journalistic Purposes **
Intimacy Coordinator: "Jen, I told the director to call cut because I noticed that your eyes were closed . . . is everything ok? Is Jon Hamm's enormous wiener making you feel uncomfortable?"
Jen: "No, you fucking retard, my eyes were closed because Jon's humungous hog was making me feel very, very comfortable. I was about to finish and would have if you didn't end the take early, you simpleton!"
Jon: "Remember after Mad Men when everyone thought I was going to have a great career, but it kind of fizzled out and now I'm doing a guest run on AppleTV?"
Jen: "Shut your chiseled face, Jon Hamm, and get that colossal kidney bruiser back in position! I'm America's favorite spinster and I say we're going to film this scene until we've nailed each other . . . errr until we've nailed the scene."
But seriously, these actors probably have sex off screen right?
I feel for the people of this neighborhood. I mean, imagine finally putting down your savings for a downpayment on a home that you can barely afford and then finding out there is an well known Airbnb orgy house next door.
Sure, you did the research and the district schools are good, but every day your kids walk to the school bus - they look up and learn a new lesson from the Kama Sutra. Those HOA fees? Yeah, they help fund the community pool, but you'll never use it because of that one time you saw a used condom float by your head. Wanna use the courtyard to throw a BBQ for your dad's 60th birthday? Sure, go ahead, but I hope your family won't mind the groans of a greased up midget being pleasured on a trampoline. Enjoy the potato salad, grandma!
This sucks for those people. Your home should be a place where you can escape from the madness of the outside. Nobody should have to see an obese woman (or man) getting cornholed on a balcony while your taking out the trash before work.
Not funny. Not nice!
Taylor Swift: turned 34 on Wednesday.
I'm not a Taylor Swift fan, I don't listen to her music and don't understand why she's worshipped by so many, but I can't deny that this broad has had a YEAR. Last week she won TIME Magazine's Person of the Year (a lesser version of Flappr's MOTY Award) and I can't really say that she's undeserving of the title.
She's been everywhere.
She conquered the concert circuit (average resale price for tickets to her tour was $3800 bucks). She conquered the box office (her concert-film, Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour is the highest grossing film of all-time) in the genre. She conquered the NFL (by fucking Travis Kelce and single handedly ruining the Kansas City Chiefs). She told TIME Magazine that she's 'collecting infinity stones' and I believe her - Taylor Swift is inevitable.
I guess I don't really have anything against the woman, it's more about how she makes me feel - very old. This is one of the first times in my life where I genuinely didn't understand the magnitude of something within pop culture. I knew that Taylor Swift was popular, but I didn't realize she had become like Madonna, Britney Spears or Lady Gaga level popular. This snuck up on me. I feel old. I am old.
Now, as an asside (intentional misspelling for comedic purposes), what do you think of Tay-Tay's Tuchus, Al Pacino from Heat?
Yeah, I think we all could've guessed how'd you respond on this one, Al Pacino from Heat (he's a big Swiftie). This might surprise you, Al, but we disagree again! I know I've railed against gigantic glutes in the past, butt Taylor's tush (or lack thereof) is similarly not my cup of tea! I'm kind of like Goldilocks in this respect! I don't like 'em too big. I don't like 'em too small. I prefer them to be jussst right. Did we just coined a new term? Goldilock booty. It's kinda catchy.
Oh well, to each their own, I suppose!
Editor's Note: Yes, I specifically chose to highlight Taylor Swift's birthday for the sole reason of doing the Al Pacino from Heat bit about her flat bottom.
Important News!
James Bennet | The Economist: When the New York Times lost its way
James Bennet is a former New York Times Opinion Editor who was fired because he approved Tom Cotton's Op Ed, Send in the Troops, back in 2020. In his essay for The Economist, Bennet pulls back the curtain and provides you with a 30 year window into the fall of the American newsroom based on his experience working for The New York Times and The Atlantic as a reporter and as an editor. Bennet presents you with the principals upon which journalism should be grounded and then shares stories thathighlight how campus culture invaded these institutions and how, more or less, the inmates now ruin the asylum. An excerpt:
This environment of enforced group-think, inside and outside the paper, was hard even on liberal opinion writers. One left-of-centre columnist told me that he was reluctant to appear in the New York office for fear of being accosted by colleagues. (An internal survey shortly after I left the paper found that barely half the staff, within an enterprise ostensibly devoted to telling the truth, agreed “there is a free exchange of views in this company” and “people are not afraid to say what they really think”.) Even columnists with impeccable leftist bona fides recoiled from tackling subjects when their point of view might depart from progressive orthodoxy. I once complimented a long-time, left-leaning Opinion writer over a column criticising Democrats in Congress for doing something stupid. Trying to encourage more such journalism and thus less such stupidity, I remarked that this kind of argument had more influence than yet another Trump-is-a-devil column. “I know,” he replied, ruefully. “But Twitter hates it.”
The bias had become so pervasive, even in the senior editing ranks of the newsroom, as to be unconscious. Trying to be helpful, one of the top newsroom editors urged me to start attaching trigger warnings to pieces by conservatives. It had not occurred to him how this would stigmatise certain colleagues, or what it would say to the world about the Times’s own bias. By their nature, information bubbles are powerfully self-reinforcing, and I think many Times staff have little idea how closed their world has become, or how far they are from fulfilling their compact with readers to show the world “without fear or favour”. And sometimes the bias was explicit: one newsroom editor told me that, because I was publishing more conservatives, he felt he needed to push his own department further to the left.
This essay is real fucking long and real fucking good. The essay itself confirms many things we already knew or suspected, but it's good to hear it directly from the sources. Bennet is undoubtedly a libtard, but a forthright and principled one.
I rarely say this, but this is a link that you really must click and an article that you must read. This is the definitive piece written about the modern media landscape - or, as known degenerate, @jarvis_best, described it "[a] compelling 20,000 word article by former NYT editor James Bennet about how he wants to say the n-word." He was joking . . . we think. Seriously, just go read the damn thing.
NY Post: Harvard confirms Claudine Gay will remain prez— despite reported $1B loss over antisemitism scandal; and Harvard covered up a secret plagiarism probe into president during antisemitism storm -- and threatened The Post
This story is galling, but unsurprising. Claudine Gay is a symbol for everything the university system and DEI movement represent. The Cathedral was NEVER going to cast her aside and allow Christopher Rufo to claim victory.
There are two standards for conduct and justice these days and they DO NOT CARE if you point out their hypocrisy. 'But, but, there were 27 students expelled from Harvard from 2020-2021 for violations of the honor code! What about them?!' Were they BIPOC women who symbolize an entire ideology and 40 year take over of the institutions? No? Oh, well, then they got what they deserve.
It doesn't matter that her congressional testimony suggested that intifada chants didn't constitute harassment. It doesn't matter that she cloaked herself as a free speech protectionist, despite Harvard receiving FIRE’s worst ever College Free Speech Ranking score. It doesn't matter that her testimony allegedly cost the university a billion dollars from donors. They've conquered this territory and they don't care what you think.
Editor's Note: Remember the story about the mom who fell and flashed a bunch of kids? That story is actually a repeat of a segment I did in the June 2, 2023 edition of Tremendously Intriguing Topical Subjects. I was testing you could spot plagiarisim and to see if you have been paying attention. You failed.
Fox News: Republicans vow to hold Hunter Biden in contempt of Congress after first son skips deposition
Remember everything I said about Claudine Gay above? About how there are two standards of conduct and justice these days? About how they don't care if you notice their hypocrisy? Yeah, same thing applies here.
And no, I don't think the Republicans in Congress will hold Hunter Biden in contempt. They'll take this insult up the ass (like one of Hunter's prostitutes) and they they'll take it up the ass with a smile.
The Maine Wire: John Fetterman Once Again Breaks With His Party and Suggests That Democrats Should Engage With Republicans on the Border
According to the article, Fetterman told Politico that he hopes that 'Democrats can understand that it isn’t xenophobic to be concerned about the border' and that it's 'a reasonable conversation, and Democrats should engage'.
Listen, I'm not naive enough to believe that John Fetterman suddenly woke up (or suffered a stroke) and became a conservative, but he's saying rational stuff lately. Whether it's calling out Bob Menendez for being 'a Senator from Egypt', saying Gavin Newsom doesn't have the guts to announce he's running for president or having a heterodox (for the left) opinion on Israel - Fetterman is on a roll.
This is sort of common sense on cultural issues mixed with socialist policy on the back end is the natural evolution of Bernie Sanders populism. It's the velvet glove draped over the golem's iron fist and it's going to end up winning over a lot of young people and a lot of centrists. This dude is dangerous.
Senator Frankenstein is going to fuck around and become president some day.
Charles C.W. Cooke | National Review: Journalist Unions Are Hilarious
The One in which Charles Cooke takes Claudine Gay to the woodshed, not for her plagiarism, but for 'scholarly work' lacking any actual value:
She’s a plagiarist, sure, and, by Harvard’s own rules, she ought to be punished for it. But her plagiarism doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, because nothing of value has been lost as a result of it. There is not a single person in the world who is crying into their cornflakes this morning because Claudine Gay’s work has been revealed to be hollow, and there never will be. Given the standards that are applied to others, Gay should probably be fired for the work she copied. In a more serious world, though, she’d have been fired for her own work.
I'd take things a step further than Mr. Cooke and say that, based on her own work (or lack thereof). . . she never should've been hired. But, you know why she was.
The Other McCain: Rule 5 Sunday: For The Fallen; Save The Republic; and David Drake, RIP
The one in which our friend, Wombat-Socho, eulogizes Science Fiction author, David Drake:
I was never that interested in his fantasy novels, but I read and/or bought just about every SF story he ever wrote. As others can testify, he was a fine writer, a great guest at conventions, and a wonderful human being. Not an officer, but definitely a gentleman, and a good friend, as Sarah Hoyt attests on her blog. We had hoped to have him as our Guest of Honor at the upcoming Son of Silvercon II, but as Stacie Collins reminds us, “You wanna hear God laugh? Tell him about your plans!” See you at Fiddler’s Green, sir.
I am not familiar with Mr. Drake's work, but this was a touching remembrance.
Animal Magnetism: Goodbye, Blue Monday
The one in which Animal reacts to Donald Trump's recent suggestion that “if you don’t like our religion…then we don’t want you in our country":
I think the once and (likely) future President is pandering here, and talking out of his ass to boot. The Constitution sets up a secular government. It prohibits any religious test for any elected, appointed, or hired office. What Mr. Trump is proposing can’t and shouldn’t happen. It’s disappointing that he even brought it up.
I mean, yeah.
David Thompson: Adhesive Not Included
The one in which David shares with you news from Canada’s Royal College of Physicians and Surgeons, who are seeking to center medical training around 'values such as anti-oppression, anti-racism, and social justice':
We are, however, told that the priorities of physicians, nurses, and medical administrators should be less about “professionalised knowledge,” and more about “lenses of social justice.” These allegedly corrective lenses will “allow physicians to more effectively engage in… social change.” Suitably re-educated, their mentalities rewired, medical workers will have “bidirectional relationships with… the land.”
Which is obviously what you want when that itchy rash won’t go away.
What David doesn't understand is "that itchy rash" is a manifestation of White Supremacy - the very thing these brave SJWs are trying to eradicate!
Important Sports News!
TNF: The Raiders shit pumped the Chargers.
Hooooooooo boy. This was a good ol fashioned skull fucking. The final score was 63-21, but that still somehow makes it seem more competitive than it really was. The Raiders were winning 49-0 with 18 seconds left in the 3rd quarter.
This type of ass kicking doesn't come around often in the NFL. The Chargers straight up quit on Brandon Staley, a coach that soy boy NFL podcasters pleasured themselves over the past few years. Staley was likely going to be fired anyways, but this seals the deal. Ouch.
Tommy DeVito: stuns Packers (who suck) on MNF; has an electric agent.
Tommy DeVito going from an undrafted rookie QB who looked incapable of throwing a football to national sports story has been fun to follow. He hasn't been 'just OK' either, he's been pretty damn good! In six games (five starts), DeVito has completed 65% of his passes, thrown for 8 touchdowns and only 3 picks and the Giants are 3-2! They had only won 2 games before he took over!
More importantly, the dude has fully embraced his inner gabagool, adoped the nickname "Tommy Cutlets" and become an Italian sports icon. His family attends his games and act like, well, how you'd expect an Italian family to act when cheering on their kids. Before his latest game, the DeVito family held a tailgate outside MetLife Stadium and handed out cutlet sandwiches. During games, DeVito goes full paisan with his celebration.
The story cam full circle on Monday night, the nation was introduced to DeVito's agent, Sean Stellato, who looks exactly like what you'd expect Tommy Cutlet's agent would look like (check the video above). When asked by ESPN about his outfit, Stellato replied 'the hat is kind of my thing'. That's just the perfect response. I fucking love this guy and love the Tommy DeVito story as a whole. It's the kind of story that could only come from sports - a kid is plucked from obscurity and captures the attention of the nation. This is why sports are special.
If you don't like this story, you suck. Also, odds are that Tommy DeVito will be out of the league within a year and we all forget about him, except for occasionally remembering the guy who did the 'Italian hand thing' while stomping the Packers.
Patrick Kane: is back; scored first goal as a Red Wing.
During my childhood, the Red Wings were to the Blackhawks what the Packers were to the Bears - our primary rival who kicked the living shit out of us on an all too regular basis. That changed once Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews came to town and erased them from relevancy in a 2013 Conference Semifinals series for the ages on their way to their second Stanley Cup.
A few years later, the Red Wings left the Western Conference all together and have been laughably bad ever since - so, I've had time for my Detroit hated to dissipate. It has, somewhat, and although I am loathe admit this - Patrick Kane looks good wearing that Red Wings sweater.
More than anything, I am just happy that #88 is back out on the ice, looking healthy (he had hip surgery) and scoring goals. He scored his first in his second game for the Dead Things (an, old, lame nickname Hawks fans used to use) and added an assist in his fourth as he tries to get back into hockey shape.
That's it - I just like Patrick Kane and root for him. Dude's a legend. Moving on. . .
Connor Bedard: is real good; Blackhawks are real bad.
If you watched the highlight above and the highlight below, it's hard to miss how Kane and Bedad both have insanely fast hands and releases on their shots. Bedard's shot is probably, somehow, nastier even. I mean, did you see that goal? That's a goal that only a few players in the league can score. This kid is special.
Unfortunately, the rest of his team is ass right now and the Hawks have the fewest points in the league. The Hawks give up a LOT of goals and score very few themselves. I'm going to give you some expert hockey insight here - that's not a good recipe for success, folksss.
But we all kind of knew this was going to be the case coming into the season. This season is all about Connor Bedard getting his feet wet in the NHL and in that respect - and that respect alone - it's been a success for the Blackhawks.
Moving on . . .
CJ Stroud: bounced his head off the turf; ouch that looked painful.
Last week, we talked about how the Jaguars were likely fucked after Trevor Lawrence was bent into a pretzel (he actually played but the Jags still lost). Well, this week, the Jets dribbled CJ Stroud's off the turf like a basketball and it did not look good for the soon to be Rookie of the Year.
To my completely unqualified eye, that looks like one of those real bad concussions. The kind of concussion where you have to sit in a dark room for a couple of weeks to avoid getting headaches. If Stroud misses time, the Texans will miss the playoffs - which sucks because they've been fun to watch this year.
I hope he's OK.
Jerry Thornton | Barstool Sports: Patriots Insider Says Belichick's Fate Was Sealed After the Loss in Germany and He Will Not Be Back in 2024
Reports surfaced earlier this week that after the Patriots lost to the Colts in Germany back in November, Robert Kraft told Bill Belichick that he will be fired after the conclusion of the season.
This is fucking stupid, but it appears to be true?. Bill Belichick is still one the best, if not the best, coaches in the league and they're going to kick him to the curb after a few bad seasons. Who exactly are they going to find that can pull them out of this quagmire that will be better than the guy who won them six Super Bowls? I hope Bill goes to a new team, wins another title and Kraft suffers for his disloyalty.
I do love that he has not changed his demeanor at all. Listen to him in that clip above, dude still loves dunking on journos. He's an American hero.
Paige Spiranac: released a Golf Lovers Holiday Gift Guide video
For journalistic reasons, I watched this video and can recommend you do the same for two VERY BIG reasons: 1) well considered gift recommendations for the hard-to-shop-for golfer in your life; and 2) Paige's effervescent personality.
What? What did you think I was going to say?
Anyways, if you're looking for non-golf related gift ideas this holiday season, I recommend you read two our blogs: Just Blow Him: The White Woman's Guide to Christmas Shopping for the Man in Your Life and Don't Buy Her A Dildo: The Dude-Bro's Guide to Christmas Shopping for the Woman in Your Life. Lots of good ideas in these blogs. Very entertaining and rich with holiday cheer.
The Sun: World’s sexiest volleyball star Kayla Simmons shows off bum on the beach as fans say ‘perfection at its best’
I'll be honest, it's been difficult to find good sports news lately (well, the kind of 'sports news' I typically end this section with, at least). I feel like Outkick has been slacking on their sports influencer eGirl content - there just hasn't been as many 'hey check out what this smoking chick posted on Instagram' blogs lately. Get back to work Joe Kinsey (the dude who writes most of those blogs for Outkick).
So credit to The Sun for picking up that mantle and bringing you the news you care about, such as Kayla Simmons posting an over the back butt shot on her social media! Thank you, The Sun!
For what it's worth, the bottom Kayla coquettishly displays in the photo above is what I would categorize as a "Goldilocks booty" as discussed earlier in this blog.
We must investigate the literalness of this BSO headline (journalism purposes):
BSO Headline Literalness Rating: I'll be honest, I have no fucking clue who Chloe Ferry is, but that is a 'blue catsuit' and her nipples are protruding from it . . . so, yeah, this is a literal BSO headline.
Did you hear that voice, though? Quite a cockney accent she got there. She sounds like Brad Pitt in Snatch. Feel like she's about to ask me for more porridge or to 'clean me chimney' or something.
Looks to be sporting some silicone (or saline) BFTs too. They're big, but not too big, for those of you scoring at home (journalistically, of course).
Very Important Meme of the Week
This week's winner requires a little bit of explanation. The guy above is a Palestinian journalist (I guess? It's hard to know what's true these days) who was taken capture during the ongoing war in Gaza. He also looks like Brian Stelter, so @HollyBriden capitalized on their resemblance to make a funny. That's it, I told you it required only a little bit of explanation.
It made me laugh and I had actually had the same idea for a meme but Holly beat me to the punch. She's very funny, you should go follow her.
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