We've curated our weekly digest of links from around the internet entitled "Tremendously Intriguing Topical Subjects" to help keep you abreast of very important news!
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Very Important News!
Sydney posted this and then deleted the tweet. I have no fucking clue what she's talking about and I don't care. She drew boobs on a graph. She's talking about crypto or something. She's praising her own boobs. Yes, Sydney, you do have the most Tantalizing Tig Ol Bitties in Tinseltown and yes, they are milky.
What a fucking random tweet. What a time to be alive.
This woman is on such a heater right now. She appeared on Hot Ones to eat spicy chicken wings and all anyone can talk about is how fucking gorgeous she looks. A still from that episode instantly becomes the biggest meme on Twitter. Everything she does goes viral. She's an icon. She's a Sweater-Stretching Star of the Silver Screen. She's number DD in the size department, but number 1 in our hearts.
This is Sydney Sweeney's world and the rest of us are just along for the ride.
**Editor's Note** Did you see that Sydney is highlighting the term 'milk' here . . . is she trying to signal something? Does Sydney Sweeney read Flappr? Does she wait patiently every Friday for the Cloth Off Friday Milk Truk to arrive? The evidence supports such a conclusion but remains inconclusive.
Donna D'Errico: is NOT doing porn.
Donna D'Errico has an OnlyFans account. That does not mean she is doing 'porn'. I assume that her OnlyFans is similar to her Instagram account. I cannot confirm this because I do not subscribe to Donna's OnlyFans but I trust Donna because I like her and she's a saint. Now, this doesn't mean that saints can't be sinners (literally wrong, but just roll with it), something that Donna herself admitted in an interview with Fox News Digital:
“Is it considered sinful if I asked my priest, ‘Is it OK if I do this?’ He would say, ‘Ya, It’s not OK.’ But I’ve found my peace,” she said. “I feel like, as women, we can be all of the above. We don’t have to just be the OnlyFans girls or just the super elegant, classy girl that dresses in a demure way — you can be everything.”
Only people of virtue can own up to when their behavior falls below a given standard. Donna is a virtuous person. She's seeking forgiveness for her sins but her love for “simple things" like "walking around [her] house nude" while also "dressing up in a really sweet, elegant way" is all in furtherance of her mission to help women realize that they can "encompass all of those things if they want to.”
Donna's method to help women reach self-actualization requires her to post non-porn-thirst on OnlyFans. Yes, it's sinful, but sometimes even virtuous people sin in furtherance of a higher calling.
In some ways, she's a martyr. Yes, I think that's right, Donna D'Errico is a massively-milker'd-marytr who sins so that others may thrive. True virtue.
She should start a new app for similarly situated heroines called OnlyVirtue. Now THAT is a service that would earn my subscription money. Yes, it would be sinful for me to subscribe to OnlyVirtue, but I would only be subscribing to support Donna's efforts to help women reach self-actualization . . . so, yeah, this bit has gone on too long. I can't help myself sometimes. Just going to end it now.
Moving on . . .
According to the article, this alleged 'dating expert' visited New York City and says it's the 'horniest city in the world' after she shacked up with a married man (who may or may not have been @assliken, pretending to be married). Is this the 'brand' that Mayor Eric Adams insists New York possesses?
Well, I've been to New York, and 'horniness' is not its defining characteristic.
Is New York the 'world's filthiest city'? Hmmm, no, NYC was voted the second most filthy city in the world and I'm guessing that cities in India, where half a billion people defecate in the streets, have to be dirtier. So while NYC, with its rats and garbaged lined sidewalks, is more dirty than horny, it is not the 'world's filthiest city'.
Is New York the 'world's most dangerous city'? Well. . . NYC is dangerous - with major crimes rising 22% in 2022 - but Los Cabos, Mexico boasts a staggering 113 murders per 100,000 residents per year. So, while I'd recommend avoiding the subway at all costs, NYC is not the 'world's most dangerous city'.
Is New York the 'world's best city named New York'? Hmmm, this is a tough one. I think NYC is probably tied for the 'world's best city named New York' with New York, Kentucky an unincorporated community with a population of 10 people. New York City has a lot of attractions, but New York, Kentucky, has way less filth and murder. So, let's just call it a tie for 'world's best city named New York'.
As for the 'world's horniest city' . . . I'd say that Las Vegas, New Orleans, and Amsterdam, cities that promote consumption, nudity, and prostitution are probably best suited for the title. I'm not married to these selections, though . . . so please leave your choices in the comments below.
Folks, this is what I'm talking about when I say female human breasts (especially the big milky kind) are under attack. This woman is a political prisoner. Her massive Mayan maracas have been criminalized. What did this gym expect her to do - bind her bosoms together to help small-breasted women feel less threatened? That's not comfortable. That's not sensible. THAT'S NOT FREEDOM.
I don't speak fluent Spanish, but I can infer from the context of the video and the tone of her voice that she's in distress. I assume she's saying something akin to 'help me, milk enthusiasts, you're my only hope' followed by a host of Spanish gibberish. This breaks my heart. I am heartbroken, not just for this Latina Leche Landcruiser, but for the state of the world.
We must push back. We must encourage large-breasted women to embrace their femininity. We must never forget that Big Naturals Need Your Support.
All that being said, yeah . . . that top is pretty small and she probably could've worn something that exposed less than a literal square foot of tiddy cleavage.
'World's sexiest weather girl' is a title that could only go to a woman in a Latin American country. They just do things differently down there. Those gals are just built different. Latin cultures don't think it's 'demeaning' if the person delivering the weather is a smoking 25-year-old wearing a dress that highlights her 'pressure system'. On the contrary, they celebrate such forecasting foxes.
Yanet García, also known as La Chica del Clima, is (was?) a Mexican weather girl and while I hate all of these 'World's Sexiest <insert here>' titles, she's certainly the most attractive weather girl I've ever seen. It is very funny to me that some dude took a look at her and asked 'Hola, can you say cumulonimbus? You can? Bueno, I have a trabaja for you!' That guy deserves a medal. He's the 'World's Smartest News Producer', that's an award that I just made up and exists now.
As an asside (intentional misspelling for comedic purposes), what do you think of that round-radar-reading-rump, Al Pacino from Heat?
Yeah, I've not got anything to add here, Al Pacino from Heat. She's got a marvelous meteorologist man-pleaser, Al. You're right on the money this time.
Important News!
Donald Trump: needs better lawyers.
In previous editions of T.I.T.S, I've written about this Brazilian woman who claims to be 'The World's Hottest Lawyer'. She's not the 'The World's Hottest Lawyer', but for the sake of discussion I've argued that while having 'The World's Hottest Lawyer' seems like fun in theory, it's probably not the best strategy for choosing the person responsible for defending your life and/or your fortune.
President Trump, unfortunately, didn't take my advice and chose Milkers of the Year Award Honorable Mention, Alina Habba, to defend him in a defamation suit brought against him by that kooky lady who said that she believed that 'most people think of rape as being sexy'. The result? An $83 million judgment against Donald Trump.
Trump has allegedly fired Habba and is looking for a new attorney to handle his appeal. The damage has been done, though, and Trump needs to stop surrounding him with incompetent sycophants who only tell him what he wants to hear. Maybe he can find 'The World's Most Competent Lawyer, Who Is Still Attractive, But Kind of Hides It So That People Take Her Serious'.
Seems like a safer choice to me.
The Chicago City Council, which governs a city located in Illinois in the United States of America, passed a resolution yesterday (by a 24-23 vote) calling for a ceasefire in Gaza. Chicago Mayor, Brandon Johnson, was the tie-breaking vote.
To reiterate, Chicago is located in the Western Hemisphere, in a country that is not Israel, which is in the Eastern Hemisphere. An ocean and two seas separate these two regions of the world. I've added a map to better illustrate that these two places are not close to one another. Please see below.
To my knowledge, the Chicago City Council has no legislative authority over the nation of Israel and thus no power to bring an end to any conflicts that Israel may be engaged in. Yet, they passed a resolution calling for a ceasefire.
The easy joke to be made here is 'Are they going to call for a ceasefire in their own city', but it's valid! These fucking clowns played Marxist Model UN on the same day that three CPS students were shot and one was murdered outside of a high school in broad daylight. Last week, two other high school students were murdered outside of their high school IN THE LOOP in broad daylight. 34 Chicagoans have been murdered in 2024.
The city spent an estimated $361 million last year to shelter illegal aliens. The city allocated another $150 million to care for illegal aliens this year, an amount that the city will burn through by April. To fill this budget gap, Brandon Johnson plans to use $95 million of 'COVID emergency funds' (did not know that was still a thing?) to fund shelters for illegal aliens. To be clear, illegal aliens are not citizens of Chicago.
Despite these issues (and many more not named here) Brandon Johnson still found the time to stand with a group of insane leftists by showing solidarity with a terrorist group in the Middle East who started a war they could not win.
Dude is laser-focused on improving the lives of Chicagoans.
The one in which Robert Stacey McCain bullied a journo who struggled to understand why so many people took glee in her recent layoff:
"We don’t hate her for being Latina. We hate her for being a journalist. Hating journalists is a tradition that can unite all Americans."
Poetry.
Animal Magnetism: Animal’s Hump Day News
The one in which Animal shared a nugget about Dire Straits, a band whose music I am not very familiar with. This music video from 1985 does own, though:
Remember when music videos were cool? Consider yourself culturally edified.
David Thompson: Reheated (86)
Lots of fun nuggets in here from David.
Important Sports News!
Brock Purdy, Flappr's Official All-American Boy: is Super Bowl bound.
It may not have looked pretty at times. It may have required Dan Campbell's incompetent game management (more on that below). It may have required a ball that should've been intercepted but bounced off (former Chicago Bear) Kindle Vildor's helmet and into the hands of Brandon Aiyuk. But when it mattered, Brock Purdy stepped up, made plays, and led his team to Super Bowl LVII.
A couple of these plays stand out. With the game tied at 24, Purdy escaped a sack and threw a laser to Kyle Juszcyk (more on his wife below) along the sidelines to keep the chains moving. With his team up 3 and looking to extend its lead, Brock scrambled for 21 yards on a 3rd and 4 to set up the winning score of the game.
Some derisively call him a 'game manager'. Some call him a 'system quarterback' whose success is solely attributable to Kyle Shanahan's expert playcalling.
We call him Brock Purdy, The All-American Boy and he's one win away from being called 'Super Bowl Champion All-American Boy'.
The Chiefs: also won.
Who cares, fuck 'em. Go Niners.
Yours truly: picked the AFC and NFC Champions back in September.
What's that? I correctly picked the 49ers and Chiefs to win their respective conferences and play each other for the Super Bowl in my 2023 NFL Season Preview blog? Whoa, look at me. No big deal.
**Editor's Note** Please ignore the fact that in later editions of this blog, I said that the Chiefs looked cooked and changed my AFC pick to the Buffalo Bills.
Dan Campbell: blew the NFC Championship for the Lions.
Look, I love Dan Campbell. He's what I want from an NFL Coach. He's a meathead who loves ball and wears his heart on his sleeve. Dan Campbell types are why I fell in love with the game. But, can we take a second to appreciate the meltdown that was the NFC Championship game for the Detroit Lions?
The Lions are up 24-7 after kicking the living shit out of the 49ers in the first half. The Niners received the third-quarter kick and drove the ball into Lions territory, but were forced to kick a field goal to bring the game within 2 scores (24-10) with 11 minutes left in the 3rd quarter.
The Lions got the ball back and drove the ball to the SF 28-yard line, eating up another 4 minutes of the clock. At this moment, Dan Campbell is faced with the following decision:
Option A): Kick a 45-yard field goal, extending the Lions' lead back to a 3-score advantage with only 22 minutes of gameplay remaining; or
Option B): Attempt to extend the current drive by going for it on 4th and 2.
Campbell chose Option B and instead of trying to run for 2 yards with a rushing attack that had averaged 6.3 yards per carry on the day, he elected to have Jared Goff throw a pass . . . which was dropped by Josh Reynolds.
This was the decision that defined the rest of the game.
The Lions failed on 4th down, momentum swung and within 4 minutes of this play, the Niners had tied the game. If you're an analytics nerd who doesn't believe that momentum is a thing that exists within the confines of a game, you've probably never played a competitive sport. After this play, the crowd got into the game, and the Lions began playing tentatively and started making mistakes. Yes, it is part of the Lions' identity to be aggressive on 4th down. Yes, the players on the field failed to execute, but it all stemmed from the decision made by Dan Campbell.
To me, you never pass up a chance to extend a lead to require an additional scoring drive (a two-score lead to a three-score lead, etc . . .). If the Lions matched field goals with the Lions, San Francisco would've been 8 minutes into the third quarter without having made a dent in the Lions' 17-point lead. It would've felt insurmountable to think that the Niners would have had to score on at least three drives (including two touchdowns) with just under a quarter and a half of football remaining. Even if the Lions converted on 4th down and went on to score a touchdown, it still would've only been a three-score lead.
Down 3 with 7:30 left in the game, the Lions were faced with a 4th and 3 from the SF 30-yard line. Campbell again decided to forgo a field goal attempt and the Lions . . . turned the ball over on downs, again.
This was incredibly dumb. This was unavoidable. The Lions should've won this game. This was a cruel way to lose a football game.
Jerry Thornton | Barstool Sports: Bill Belichick Not Having a Job in 2024 is Proof We're in a Simulation
From the article:
"Bill Belichick is out of work and likely to stay that way. Meanwhile, fan unfavorites Mike McCarthy and Nick Sirianni still have their jobs. And unknown factors like Raheem Morris, Dan Canales, and Brian Callahan jumped the line ahead of him. And neither Seattle or Washington appear to be interested at all.
Which means the either we are in the Matrix and it's glitching. Or the Boltzmann Brain has gone completely mental. Because no universe run by a rational being could ever operate like this. These are the only explanations that make any sense."
The NFL is lesser than without Bill Belichick. I hate this. I already miss him. Bill Belichick is a great American and if you think otherwise, you're a fucking communist and should be deported from the country.
The Falcons were the team that looked like they were going to hire him. He interviewed with Falcons owner, Arthur Blank (huge lib, Biden donor), twice. Yet, Blank decided to hire Raheem Morris (21-38 career coaching record) instead. Morris is a good coach, but he's not Bill FUCKING Belichick.
I genuinely can't imagine what Arthur Blank was thinking here, Bill must have said something to 'trigger' him in that second interview . . .
Yep, Arthur Blank was probably rambling about 'climate change' and BB likely couldn't help himself. Now I'm happy that Belichick didn't land in Atlanta.
They don't deserve him.
This is a cute idea. She executed the DIY football stadium well. She's a cute mom. Moms who are into crafting cute things to make events or holidays special are sexy.
We gotta talk about the Super Bowl snacks she chose though . . . veggie straws? Carrots? Celery? Cauliflower? Absolute trash. Where are the wings? Where are homemade the mini bagel pizzas? Where are the assorted Italian meats?
If you're going to go through the effort of building a mini stadium for the snacks, you have to finish the process and make some good eats for the family. Those store-bought chips and dips are for cucks.
Following up on our reporting from last week, Christian McCaffrey's supportive significant other (SSO), Olivia Culpo, attended the NFC Championship to watch her fiancé score two touchdowns and advance to the Super Bowl. She expressed her support for her beau by wearing a varsity letterman jacket with an M stitched on the front and his full last name and number embroidered on the back.
After the game Culpo posted a video of her in a lover's embrace with her champion, having just slain a Lion, with a caption that read "[w]atching the love of your life live out his dream is the best feeling in the world."
I'm not crying, you're crying.
This is peak 'for he behavior'. With an elite SSO like Olivia backing him, it's no wonder that McCaffrey performed so well and led his team to victory.
**Editor's Note** Did you see that Olivia used the term 's/o' in one of her Instagram posts . . . is she trying to signal something to her followers? Is she letting them know she's an SSO? Does Olivia Culpo read Flappr? The evidence supports such a conclusion but remains inconclusive.
You know how you've seen a lot of customized SSO attire lately? Olivia Culpo's gloves. Taylor Swift's jacket. Brittany Mahomes pants. Those were all made by Kristin Juszcyk, wife and SSO to 49ers fullback, Kyle Juszcyk.
Fullbacks are brick by brick guys. You know, hard hat, lunch pail types. Fullbacks are, dare I say it, the epitome of grit. Yet, we find ourselves in an age of pass-first offenses, so fullbacks are somewhat of a dying breed.
That didn't matter to Kristin, because she's an SSO and Kyle is her husband. In fact, not only is Kristin an SSO, but she's out here promoting an SSO lifestyle. She's encouraging other to embrace 'for he behavior'. She's fabricating SSOwear so that other ladies who are looking for ways to support the men of their lives.
That's inspiring stuff. That's smokeshow-wife-of-a-fullback stuff. I haven't made my Super Bowl prediction yet, but based on the SSO energy emanating from San Francisco . . . I'm not sure the Chiefs have a chance.
Lots of 'World's Best' title talk in this edition of T.I.T.S. In this instance, I think the title befits the assignee. Kayla Simmons is the ‘World’s sexiest volleyball star’.
Actually, I'm not sure if Kayla Simmons plays volleyball anymore. I'm not sure if she's ever played volleyball. I only learned of Kayla's existence from articles from Outkick, BSO, the Daily Star, and the Sun and those posts weren't about her playing career (but they were about melon-sized spheres). I think I've only ever seen Kayla post photos of her pendulous bosoms on Instagram - no volleyball.
Can you be the ‘World’s sexiest volleyball star’ if you don't play volleyball? Whatever, I'm overthinking this, she's the ‘World’s sexiest volleyball star’.
'Nough said.
Come to think of it, I'm not sure I can name another volleyball player. I'm guessing the writers at The Sun can't either . . . so how did they make this determination? You know, sometimes it's best to just live in ignorance.
Let's move on.
We must investigate the literalness of this BSO headline (for journalism purposes):
BSO Headline Literalness Rating: yes, that is Ring Girl Apollonia Llewellyn 'flaunting her massive cleavage' in a 'skin tight white top'.
This was a very literal BSO headline. Very literal. Very accurate.
I didn't know you could make such a career for yourself based on the 'Ring Girl' profession. There isn't much to the job. You just walk around and hold up a poster. Very low-skill labor, you know? And yet, 'Ring Girl Apollonia Llewellyn' is all over the internet these days. The power and beauty of capitalism.
I love you all. God Bless America.
Very Important Meme of the Week
It's February, I felt like a Black History Month-themed meme of the week was warranted. Part-time Flappr contributor, and full-time degenerate, Mujahed 'Jay' Kobbe (@assliken) takes home this week's honors for this exchange with black adult actress Ana Foxxx:
This has all the makings of what makes Twitter the most interesting social media platform on earth. A strange, dog-hating, ass-obsessed, foreigner makes a joke about only masturbating to black pornstars to celebrate Black History Month. One of his followers tags a pornstar. The pornstar sees the notification and jumps into the mess, @assliken responds by clarifying that he only plans on watching black men in porn (presumably to masturbate). Chaos ensues. We all have a good laugh.
When asked for his reaction to receiving this week's award, @assliken provided the following response:
10/10, very culturally edifying.
Subscribe to @assliken and @sirajahashmi's channel Habibi Bros. on Rumble, YouTube, and Locals:
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Hot damn that volleyball player
"Dire Straits, a band whose music I am not very familiar with." Ummm WHAT??? Please excuse me while I clutch my pearls. Maybe you need to get out more?