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Very Important News!
Elon Musk: laughed at our tweet.
Yeah, Elon Musk, founder, CEO, and CTO of SpaceX, CEO of Tesla, and owner, of X Corp., and the world's richest man, saw our tweet and it made him laugh.
**wipes imaginary dirt from my shoulder**
Look, it's no big deal. Elon replies to tweets every day. He probably just replied to ours because it shit on Disney and he hates Disney. It's not like he's going to start retweeting Cloth Off Friday videos or anything (but could you imagine if he did?). He didn't follow us. It's not like he's going to cut us a 10 million dollar check to start making documentaries for him on X (but could you imagine if he did?). He just saw a tweet and threw up a laugh emoji (actually it was a crying laughter emoji, which suggests he thought it was REALLY funny but that's semantics).
We're not going to get ahead of ourselves here. It was just an interesting thing that happened this week, ok? This is not going to go to our heads. We promise.
Cool. Great. WHOOPDEE DOO. Moving on.
It brings me no joy to report that Big Naturals are, once again, under attack. This time trolls targeted a 25-year-old newly minted MILF after she posted wedding day photos of her Bountiful Bouquet of Bouncy Bridal Bosoms on Instagram.
Natalie Viall, an influencer or something, was called "trashy" in the comments of her social media post, while another ass-loving communist allegedly said she looked "ridiculous" in her bridal gown. Folks, many words come to mind when trying to describe those Newlywedded Weapons of Mass Seduction, but "ridiculous" and "trashy" are not among them.
What's more, Natalie is postpartum and breastfeeding her 2-month-old daughter! This blushing bride should not have to explain her cleavage to mammary-hating-Marxists from the internet, but she did, replying via an Instagram story that she is "breastfeeding so as the night went on, my boobs got bigger." I guess the haters and losers are unaware that breasts can increase in size by two to three times during lactation due to changes in hormones. They might have known that if they put down The Communist Manifesto and picked up Flappr's Glossary of Glands.
Thankfully, the new Mrs. Viall does not appear phased by the negativity flung her way. This blushing bride refused to apologize stating that she "was surrounded by people that I consider family, literal family. Nobody made it weird" and that she "simply had massive tits.” You can't hear me through the computer, but I'm clapping in my office right now.
Why? Because heroism comes in all different forms and on Natalie's wedding day it took the form of a robustly feminine mother of a 2-month-old who said "I'm wearing this dress" and I don't care if these Baby Feeding Beacons of Hope offend losers on social media. Kudos to you, Natalie. We're big fans.
Editor's Note: Natalie's husband, Nick, was one of the dudes from The Bachelor and I know this and it makes me sad that I know this, but I do know this. He was on the show like 5 different times. I watched it with my wife. Sue me.
Paris Whitney Hilton, great-granddaughter of Hilton Hotels founder, Conrad Hilton, became famous in the late 1990s for her presence in New York City nightclubs. In 2003, Hilton, along with frenemy Nicole Richie, went on to star in The Simple Life -one of the first "reality shows" ever made. That show, which placed two rich socialites with blue-collar families to expose them to "real life", blazed the trail for decades of other *wink wink* "reality shows" like The Real Housewives franchise or American Choppers where the show is presented as "reality" but is actually produced and lightly staged for dramatic purposes.
Hilton, who introduced Kim Kardashian to the world on The Simple Life, is probably more responsible for the ascension of The Kardashian empire than any other human being on earth (perhaps aside from Ray J). She has yet to face any consequences for that crime against humanity but did say this about KK in a 2008 radio interview: “I would not want [Kim’s butt] – it’s gross! It reminds me of cottage cheese inside a big trash bag.” Since then, she's popped up here and there over the past 15 years, but never reached the peak cultural relevance she enjoyed during the mid-2000s.
Outside of the brief period during which she dated Brian Urlacher, I've never been much of a fan of Hilton. The ditzy, arrogant, blinged-out cell phone case shtick never much appealed to me, but she has grown on me a bit lately. She and her Hotel Heiress Heirlooms look stunning in those new magazine photos, but she looks heavenly in these other candids posted to her Instagram account:
She married at age 40 and now has a beautiful family. Motherhood suits her. She's glowing. She looks more stunning now than ever before. Perhaps Paris Hilton can stand as an exemplar to AWFLs caught in a vicious cycle of narcissism and self-victimization. Listen to your biological imperative, it might just save your soul.
I didn't actually read this blog, but I promise you that all shoppers are saying "Why bother wearing anything at all?" It's the only sensible reaction to a bikini that is more dental floss than an article of clothing. If you wear this "bikini" to a family beach, you should probably be arrested.
The only reason I chose this story for discussion this week was to highlight and contrast this "sm*tty bikini" with far more sensible, traditional, and I dare I say more haute couture designs from yours truly:
The Flappr-Two-Piece is beach fashionwear that is suitable for all occasions. You could wear this swimsuit to a beach resort lūʻau or to your neighbor's annual Fourth of July BBQ. The Flappr-kini is a bit more revealing but it is a traditional bikini-style swimsuit that covers all bits and bumps that require covering. So, for all of the "sm*t blog" accusations you hurl our way, you cannot deny that our bikinis are far less sm*tty than others available on the market.
Now, you may ask yourself why a documentary studio / satirical RW commentary blog would have its own bikini line. The answer is simple and as soon as I come up with a good reason I'll let you know - but it's not because we're a "sm*t blog".
For that much, I am certain.
NY Post: Former Russian sex spy reveals how she manipulated her targets into becoming ‘obsessed’ with her
Listen, I'm sure this former Russian sex spy is very good at her job, but these "manipulation" tactics seem pretty basic to a non-sex spy like myself. For example:
Wow, really? That's how you manipulate people? You flatter them? That's how you become a “master manipulator"? Did you have to go to spy school to learn these dark arts? Or, perhaps, any beautiful woman with Supersized Soviet Schooners might possess a natural ability to influence men? Hmph.
Oh, and she says that she learned “sex techniques” to help make targets "become obsessed with you". She must have gone through some intense KGB kegel training or something. Or, perhaps, she just stumbled upon how every man in existence becomes pliable upon receiving even the most mediocre of blow jobs.
I'm just saying that if she wants to illustrate how this "top-secret program" taught her the art of persuasion, she'd explain how she manipulated a man into fixing a dripping faucet during an NFL Sunday. That would be more impressive than how she bonked a low-level Lockheed Martin executive into telling her the name of its latest DEI initiative. But again, I'm sure she's very good at her job.
Regular News!
The rubber finally met the road for the Commies at Columbia. A couple of days after breaking into and occupying the Hamilton Hall building, the Marxist Midwits were (quite hilariously) cleared from the premises kicking and screaming. In total over 300 people were arrested from the crackdowns on pro-Palestinian protests at Columbia University and City College.
The raid came hours after one of the Leninist Leaders spoke to the media, demanding that the school be "obliged to provide food to students who paid for a meal plan". The Keffiyeh Karen then rhetorically pondered if the school wanted "students to die of dehydration and starvation". She made these statements less than 24 hours after her comrades had taken control of the facility.
For comparison's sake, their Stalinist predecessors endured unspeakable suffering due to famine and lack of clean water during the 872-day Siege of Leningrad, with some allegedly resorting to cannibalism. It does make one wonder if some of the estimated 1.5 million deaths during this siege could've been avoided if the Red Army had just demanded Uber Eats be delivered to them.
Something for historians to ponder. . .
Perhaps the most revealing aspect of the true nature of these "pro-Palestinian protests" is how many of them involved desecrating the American flag - replacing the Stars and Stripes with the ungodly hodgepodge that represents "Palestine".
It happened at Harvard. It happened at Yale. It happened at UNC.
This is where you realize that this "pro-Palestine" movement is the same as the BLM movement - it's just Marxists doing Marxist things. I'm sure some of them do care about the liberation of those silly Gazans, but what they care about most is the destruction of capitalism and liberalism and what those things represent.
Thankfully, at UNC at least, Chancellor Lee Roberts and a crew of true American Bros did something about it. On Tuesday, after Libtards replaced the American flag with one that represents a people who wistfully chant for our demise, Roberts went out among the mob and re-raised Old Faithful himself. During the ruckus, a photographer captured a moment where a group of dudes had assembled to protect the flag and prevent it from touching the ground. The photo rocketed around social media and these bros had become a symbol of hope to the beleaguered normal people in our nation (i.e., most of us).
This photo reminded me of an old battle hymnal from years gone by:
Through rabble and rain, they stood their ground,
Protecting stars and stripes is profound.
A message sent to all comers:
"Do not fuck with White Boy Summer."
National Review: Northwestern Cuts Deal with Encampment Organizers, Establishes Full-Ride Scholarship for Palestinian Students
From the article:
"While not committing to divesting its endowment from companies that do business in Israel and ending partnerships with Israeli institutions, the university released a list of concessions in a celebratory statement Monday afternoon in exchange for the removal of the encampment on the lawn.
Most notable among those concessions is a promise to offer full-ride scholarships to Palestinian students and guaranteed faculty jobs for Palestinian academics."
Back in 2020, I remember watching BLM militants burn down that police station in Minneapolis and thinking to myself "This is about to get so much worse". Allowing that horde to get away with the destruction of a police station signaled to cells around the country that nobody was going to stop them. The green light was given. Things got so much worse.
Disincentivizing bad behavior matters. Lack of consequences are consequences in and of themselves.
If you give a mouse a cookie, it's going to want full-ride scholarships for Palestinian students and guaranteed faculty jobs for Palestinian academics.
I am a city boy, so I can't appreciate some of the realities of ranch life in South Dakota . . . but I love dogs and just could never see myself shooting one. I especially could never shoot a dog that was my pet, unless it was in the process of attacking one of my children.
No explanation could convince me otherwise. That's just me. I love dogs. Dogs are great. Don't shoot them. And if for some reason you must, do not put it in a book.
The Other McCain: Rule Five Sunday: Indoor Lounging; and The ‘Moorish Sovereign Citizen’ Menace
The one in which Robert Stacy McCain shares with you tales of "Moorish Sovereign Citizenship" gone wrong:
"Say hello to William Hardison of Pittsburgh and, while you’re at it, go ahead and say goodbye, because he died last August in a six-hour shootout with police “in which it is estimated thousands of rounds of ammunition were fired.” Hardison had a lengthy criminal record and some unusual legal theories . . . Hardison’s belief that he was a Moorish citizen. Hardison believed that if he pulled out his Moroccan flag, it was a free pass or an “innate sovereign right to travel that the state, PennDOT, the federal government could not infringe on.”
Hmph. So apparently Moorish Sovereign Citizens are a bunch of black dudes who believe that they are immune from our laws and that black people constitute an elite class within American society. This doesn't sound all that different than what the average NPR listener believes, does it?
These 'Moors' (their term - not mine) claim to hold sovereign immunity based upon the terms of the Moroccan–American Treaty of Friendship, signed by John Adams in 1786. According to these Moors (again, their term - not mine), they are (simultaneously) descendants of the Moors in Morocco and the true native inhabitants of the Americas. They also claim that the aforementioned treaty granted them sovereignty within the United States, making them literally above all of our laws. How about that?
Learned something new today.
David Thompson: He Fondled It Suggestively
The one in which David Thompson asks for your help with funding his blog:
"[I]t’s time to remind patrons that this rickety barge is kept afloat by the kindness of strangers. If you’d like to help it remain buoyant a while longer and remain ad-free, there are three buttons below the fold with which to monetize any love. . . "
Despite being a filthy Englishman, I'm quite fond of David. He's been a friend to this blog. One of our only friends, truthfully. I enjoy reading his stuff each week and hope you've noticed that he's one of only a few authors that I take the time to highlight each week.
Now's a good time if you haven't started reading his work. If you can afford to throw him a few "quid" I'm sure he'd appreciate your generosity.
Sports News!
NFL Draft Thoughts: What the fuck were the Falcons thinking?
Let's play a round of Good Pick, Bad Pick? (potential new video series?)
Cooper DeJean - Philadelphia Eagles (40th overall) - Good Pick
Cooper DeJean was expected to be taken in the first round by most pundits but mysteriously fell to the Eagles at number 40. DeJean, who ran a 4.4 40-yard dash at his pro day, has a chance to be the first white starting cornerback in the NFL since Jason Seahorn over 20 years ago.
It's hard to say why Cooper was the 4th DB taken, despite being ranked as the best DB in this draft by Pro Football Focus. It's almost like teams looked at DeJean, assumed something about his skill set, and started pushing him down their draft boards. Hmmmmph. Oh well, their loss was the Eagles' gain.
Great Pick. Steal of the draft, in my opinion.
Michael Penix Jr. - Atlanta Falcons (8th overall) - Bad Pick
In March, the Falcons signed Kirk Cousins to a four-year, $180 million deal. Less than two months later, they used the 8th pick to select a 24-year-old Quarterback with two torn ACL injuries and a name that reminds people of male genitalia.
Clearly, the Falcons really like Penix. Yes, QB is the most important position in sports. Sure, you should try to take the best available player on your board. But you don't take a QB after investing heavily in one during free agency. It's fucking lunacy. The Falcons are in 'win now' mode. They could've used that pick on an edge rusher, which they desperately need. Instead, they get a player they envision will sit for 'four or five years' and not play until he's already 28 years old. They've also pissed off Cousins, who wasn't aware that drafting a QB was an option and now has to look over his shoulder every time he throws an incompletion.
This was a terrible pick. I am so happy that this team didn't hire the handsome and talented, Bill Belichick. They do not deserve him.
NHL Playoffs Update:
Here are some thoughts on the two remaining R1 series I'm still tracking:
Vancouver Cannucks vs Nashville Predators (Cannucks up 3-2)
The Preds had a golden opportunity to tie this series in Game 4, but blew a two-goal lead with under 3 minutes to play and then lost in OT. Somehow, Nashville picked themselves off the mat in Game 5 and extended the series to Game 6.
This has been the best, most competitive, series so far this playoff season. It's been highly skilled, physical, and entertaining. I am pulling for the Predators because they're scrappy and have a great fanbase. I do not think they will be able to pull off this comeback, though. The Canucks are too deep, and Quinn Hughes, JT Miller, and Brock Boeser are too good.
Boston Bruins vs. Toronto Maple Leafs (Bruins up 3-2)
In 2013, the Leafs held a 4-1 lead on the Bruins with five minutes left in Game 7 and somehow lost in OT. In 2018, the Leafs fought back from a 3-1 series deficit only to lose in Game 7 to Boston. In 2019, the Leafs blew a 3-1 series lead to the Bruins and lost Game 7.
I am hoping against hope that the Leafs can extend this series to a Game 7 and then lose in hilarious fashion. The world cries out for another crippling Game 7 defeat to the Bruins. Make it happen, Toronto.
Leave it to the Los Angeles Lakers to play dirty.
This is the same Los Angeles Lakers team that refs granted a +507 free throw differential during the regular season (twice the size of the next-highest team).
This is the same Los Angeles Lakers team that "won a championship" that was really just a bubble tournament and doesn't count.
This is the same Los Angeles Lakers team that employs LeBron James - a man who only reads the first page of books, says The Godfather is his favorite movie (but cannot remember any quotes from it), has a wine addiction, once hit another man in the penis, and ruined the NBA by ushering in the era of the "super team".
Of course, the Lakers would hire a Seductive Songstress with Scintillating Sweater Sirloins to distract the Nuggets. This Machiavellian Milker Maneuver hypnotized the Nuggets and helped the Lakers steal a Game 4 victory. Thankfully, the Nuggets eliminated the Lakers in Game 5, likely ending LeBron's reign of terror in LA.
Good riddance.
Outkick: Instagram Star Kayla Simmons Adds Poolside Basketball To Her List Of Athletic Accomplishments
A couple of weeks after I wrote about Kayla being overlooked in this gilded age of sports influencer eGirls, she pops back up with some elite content. This is encouraging. This is what you love to see from a prospect of her caliber.
It's also nice to see "World's Hottest Volleyball Player, Kayla Simmons" (though, I'm not sure she plays much Volleyball anymore) engaging in a little cross-training. Who knows, maybe we'll soon be calling her "World's Hottest Poolside Basketball Player, Kayla Simmons". That would be the first time I've seen a woman simultaneously hold two such titles. I want to see this happen.
We must investigate the literalness of this BSO headline (for journalistic purposes):
You didn't think this blog would end without first checking in on the Goddess of Globes, did you? And this time we do so in a rare crossover event!
This headline is very literal as it does feature Sydney Sweeney "flaunting massive cleavage" in Hawaii, but it also appears rife with errors. Sydney is wearing a black bikini top, not a "black bra". Furthermore, I think the author was trying to suggest that her "black bra" was under a "petticoat" but misspelled the word and did not know that a petticoat is a piece of clothing that is worn under a skirt or dress and not an actual coat.
Final BSO Headline Rating: Very Literal, But Inaccurate.
Meme of the Week!
What's that? You thought I'd give meme of the week to myself because I tweeted out a banger and made Elon Musk laugh? No, no, no. We're not card-carrying members of the 'pat yourself on the back society'.
This week's honors go to our very own @nessakins_ for this very relatable play on being gluttonous at a steakhouse! And buddy, , , let me tell you, this tweet did NUMBERS. At the time I'm writing this, Vanessa's tweet has 2.6 million views, 4K retweets, and 53K likes. It is an absolute MONSTER!
It's also a good reminder that the most viral memes are ones that touch on something universal. Like, this tweet is not insulting Trump, it's just playing off his expression of exhaustion. If you replace Trump with Biden, the tweet does the same amount of engagement because it is just a funny commentary on life.
Great work, Vanessa. Go read her review of Civil War!
Other Notable Memes This Week:
Both of these UNC Frat Bro celebrating memes went very viral this week. @MidnightMitch (Left) went with a Raising the Flag on Iwo Jima theme against the classic WBS backdrop that yours truly popularized a few years back. @ApparentlySteve (Right) chose to play off the Come and Take It flag that served as a symbol of defiance in the Battle of Gonzales in 1835.
Both are excellent. Both of these memers are legendary. Go follow them.
Some Flappr Blogs
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Keep this shit coming.
Man, that married mammary momma is a hottie.