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Very Important News!
What is a sundress?
Saw a lot of chatter this week on Twitter over what does and does not qualify as a sundress. As the self-appointed czar of sundress season, I felt it necessary to provide some clarification so that ladies can don such outfits with confidence this summer. So, here goes . . .
First, a little history - the term "sundress" as we know it today gained popularity in the 1960s, largely thanks to designer Lilly Pulitzer and her signature "shift dress" designs. These dresses featured vibrant, floral prints and a carefree style that some say is the ancestral forebear to the modern-day sundress. I'm not sure this is true, but there are probably shreds of truth in there, so . . . let's roll with it.
Bet you didn't think you'd get a lesson in fashion history from this so-called "sm*t blog" did you?
Anyways, what are the elements of a sundress? Well, mainly, it's all about light, breathable fabrics, playful prints, and vibrant colors. The fabric of a sundress should be lightweight and breathable, to allow perspiring pontoons to breathe freely during the warmest months. The neckline is often designed to highlight the collarbone and shoulders, with the top constructed to stop just under the bust. The skirt can come in various lengths and sizes, from mini to long, ensuring that nearly every woman can find the perfect sundress to strut her stuff.
The truth is that a sundress is just a dress worn during Sundress Season. It's a dress with patterns or no patterns, but bright summery colors. Most are sleeveless, but some have short sleeves. If you're wearing a dress in the summer, you're wearing a sundress. I'd even go as far as to say that any outfit you pair with a skirt can qualify. But no pants - if you're wearing pants, that's not a sundress.
Put as bluntly as possible, THE WHOLE POINT OF SUNDRESS SEASON IS THAT GUYS LIKE IT WHEN WOMEN WEAR FEMININE CLOTHING. DRESSES ARE FEMININE. WE LIKE WHEN WOMEN WEAR DRESSES. A SUNDRESS IS A DRESS.
Stop overcomplicating things.
Have you ever watched one of those documentaries a team puts out after they've won a championship? They all typically start with some catalyzing moment from the season where the team coalesces and begins their march towards victory. Should the Oilers go on to win the Stanley Cup this year, some will suggest that the team firing its head coach after a 3-9-1 start as the moment that fits this criterion. Or perhaps when goalie Stewart Skinner stopped sucking so bad as the uniting moment of the team.
Not me, though. No, when this Curvy Canuck lifted her sweater and unleashed her set of Exuberant Edmontonian Erector Perfectors . . . THAT'S when this Oilers team became a team of destiny. That's the only scene worthy of introducing the team's title run on a theoretical commemorative DVD.
Just look at that visage, it's as intoxicating as it is feminine and beautiful. She doesn't even look like the type who would do such a thing. She's girl next door type cute. The smile on her face during the act. The little giggle afterward. It's all so adorable that it's hard to even notice that her Molson-Powered-Manpleasers are exposed and bouncing about for nearly four full seconds (not that I counted).
I have no love for our neighbors to the north, but I must say that Canada must have done something right with this gal (who remains anonymous to this day).
Yes, the Canadian government assists with killing its own citizens through what it calls a "medical assistance in dying" program, and sure, the Edmonton government is pushing a rezoning plan that will turn into a dystopian "15 Minute City" hellscape . . . but if gals like this call the place home, well, it can't be all bad, right? Actually, if the WEF unveiled those Maple Milker Moo Moos as a psyop to distract from their plans, it was a masterstroke move. Kudos, Klaus.
WHATEVER! I'm not going to pretend that I haven't fallen for this gal. I just hope she can resist the multiple offers out there for her to do porn! Stay virtuous, Oilers flasher girl! For the love of God, please do not let them corrupt your innocence!
I'm not planning on watching this series, but this clip felt too emblematic of modern Hollywood not to share. When asked if this new show is the gayest Star Wars ever, the creator could've said "I don't know. I don't care. I just wanted to tell the best Star Wars story I could". That would've at least given the impression that her approach to this series was grounded in storytelling. It would've been a lie, but she would have at least been trying to present the illusion that she cared about the franchise.
Instead, she gives the game away and suggests that C3PO is gay and the whole thing has always been gay. Blah, blah, blah, this show must suck and serves only as another example of how the Left captured something you love, ruined it, and now proudly wears its skin around as a trophy to mock you.
Don't watch. Do mock.
This story has me in conflict with my own heart.
On one hand, this woman profits handsomely from posting photos of her preposterously plump pooper. This gluteally gifted gal has over 6.4 MILLION followers on Instagram who tune in to see her latest outfit, watch her workout routine, and, yes, photos of her corpulent caboose. She also has an OnlyFans account where she's likely earned millions from doing deviant deeds with her distracting derriere. Ms. Bon has made having a huge ass her identity and her career, so I struggle conjuring up sympathy for people staring at the thing she encourages people to stare at.
On the other hand, she's a human being and after watching that video (for journalistic purposes only), I cannot ignore how it must suck to be gawked at like that. An ass that big will always generate gawkers, whether desired or not. She cannot throw on a cap and jeans and turn off the OnlyFans attention, you know?
And that's probably not a great way to go through life.
So, yeah, there is a big dose of "well, you get what you asked for" at play here. Butt (pun intended), I don't know, I just can't bring mys- WAIT A MINUTE . . . is that Al Pacino from Heat's music?
Oh, Al Pacino from Heat, I knew you'd pop back up eventually! And with an upgraded, snazzy new GIF to boot! And I think we all could've guessed your opinion on that Large Latinx Lady Lump. While not shocked by your opinion, I cannot say I agree with your analysis. That Bodacious Boricua Bottom is bordering on being a legitimate disability. I'm not sure how she can wipe properly. You know you're as depraved as ever, Al Pacino from Heat, and I'm beginning to suspect that you'll never change. Happy to have you back.
Regular News!
If it wasn't bad enough that Hunter Biden started boning Beau's widow, it appears that he also got her addicted to crack. Hunter's niece and nephew had just suffered through losing their father and then had to endure watching their mother become a crack addict. It's tragic stuff and I'm not even delving into some of the more disgusting and potentially illegal things that others have accused him of doing. Suffice it to say that Hunter Biden might be the biggest degenerate on earth right now or he's at least in the running. Just a terrible, terrible person.
Oh, and remember that infamous laptop, the one that contained reams of incriminating evidence of bribery, drug use, payoffs from shady foreigners, and a seemingly endless gallery of cock shots? The same laptop that the NY Post reported on and Twitter censored. The same laptop that led to more than 50 former intel officials signing a letter that said that the laptop had “all the classic earmarks of a Russian information operation.” Remember that laptop?
Yeah, the DOJ introduced that laptop as evidence in this trial against Hunter Biden.
Funny that.
The Polls: no discernable change, despite "convicted felon" status.
After all the speculation of what would happen if Donald Trump was convicted of a felony (or 34 of them, for that matter), the polls have remained steady in the week since the verdicts out of New York came down.
Actually, Trump is up a tiny bit in both Michigan (+.2) and North Carolina (+.5). Will these numbers hold up throughout this election cycle? Who knows. But for now, it seems like the Dems plans to throw the country into chaos for political ends appear to be a dud.
Womp. Womp.
This news is brought to you by the Offices of Ngo, Shite, and Sherlock. Ok, that was a dumb joke, but for real, Joe Biden's cognitive decline has been present since 2019, when DEMOCRAT STRATEGISTS, like David Axelrod, openly mocked his incoherent debate performances: "[H]e comes — kind of bumps along, kind of Mr. Magoo-ing his way through this", Axelrod said at the time.
Remember "[p]oor kids are just as bright, just as talented, as white kids?” That was from August 2019.
Remember when Biden, standing next to Kamala Harris on the debate stage, said he had the support of 'the only black woman' elected to the Senate? That was from November 2019.
It was only after it appeared that Bernie was going to win that Democrats and the liberal media started pretending that Biden's cognitive decline was imagined rather than a serious question of his fitness for office. My point is that Biden's brains have been mush for a very long time and if he hadn't had the luxury of hiding in his basement for the better part of 2020, more voters would've realized that and he likely would never have been president.
The Other McCain: Rule 5 Sunday: Something Blue; Left-Wing DA Drops Charges Against Minnesota State Trooper Who Killed Thug; and The Amchitka Strategic Bureaucracy Reserve
The one in which Mr. Wombat Socho provides Donald Trump some advice for a potential second term:
"One of the problems with uprooting the Deep State and the associated federal bureaucracy is that many of the people we want to drive into the wilderness are protected by being in the Civil Service, which makes them practically impossible to fire. A possible solution to this (short of electing a conservative – note I didn’t say Republican – Congress that will repeal the Civil Service Act of 1978) is to make serving in the bureaucracy as unpleasant as possible. . . I propose that since we clearly have an excess of enemies of the state drawing paychecks from the Treasury, we should put them in places where no reasonable person would want to live and work while making their lives as difficult as possible once they’re there. Such as, for example, the Aleutian island of Amchitka, most noted for being the site of a 1971 nuclear test that environmental wackos promised us would destroy Anchorage, Juneau, and Vancouver with an enormous man-made tsunami."
Cruel, but potentially highly effective.
David Thompson: Reheated
The one where David shares some items from his archives, including one on a fascinating encounter between a leftist publication editor and a tradesman.
"Mr Resnikoff doubtless imagines himself as the one who’s enlightened, sophisticated, and not at all prejudiced. And yet he veers towards hysteria based on nothing whatsoever beyond the race and presumed social class of a polite, visiting plumber. And note that the plumber’s reticence on political matters – i.e., his professionalism and good manners – is viewed by Mr Resnikoff as suspect."
Many such cases!
Odds and ends: Biden Immigration Executive Order Full Of Loopholes . . . Biden Threatens To Beat Up Journalist . . . Merrick Garland classified Biden's incoherent interview tapes with Robert Hur . . . Americans Have More Investment Income Than Ever . . . Dems in hot seat for alleged ethics violations over Alito recusal demands . . . What Did the President Know, and How Long Did He Remember It? . . . House Republicans Refer Hunter, James Biden to DOJ for Prosecution for Allegedly Lying under Oath . . . Libturd Tuesday . . . ANIMAL’S HUMP DAY NEWS
Sports! Sports! Sports!
The Stanley Cup Finals the Edmonton Oilers vs the Florida Panthers
So, after three rounds of insane playoff hockey, we have two conference Champions. Edmonton dispatched a highly favored Dallas Stars team after Stuart Skinner stopped being terrible and Connor McDavid reminded everyone why he's the most gifted hockey player of his generation - observe:
The Panthers dispatched the President Trophy-winning New York Rangers in six games, returning to the Cup Finals after losing to the Golden Knights last year. They do so on the back of top-tier goaltending from Sergei Bobrovsky and impressive two-way play from Matthew Tkachuk, the rare star who scores highlight-reel goals and delivers bone-rattling checks - observe:
PREDICTION: In the end, I think the Panthers' depth and experience playing in the Finals last year will win the day. The P's will win their first title and Canada's streak of years without a Stanley Cup will reach 31 years.
Caitlin Clark is being targeted by other players in the WNBA. These women (mostly black lesbians) are probably very jealous and envious of the attention Caitlin Clark receives from the media. They probably hate her because she's a white heterosexual woman who they feel hasn't earned her stripes.
And . . . so what? You don't have to act like Caitlin Clark's the only hyped-up rookie to ever have been bullied by veterans during their debut season. This literally happens to all hyped-up rookies. Clark is taking it on the chin right now and you have literal retards like former awful Senator from Georgia, Kelly Loeffler, stating that she's being "physically and verbally attacked" instead of embraced by WNBA players. I swear these people never watched Michael Jordan during the early parts of their careers. Remember the "Jordan Rules"? The Detroit Pistons basically sodomized MJ every time he went to the basket in the late 80's / early 90's. Yeah, they were fouls. Yeah, it sucked for him. But he persevered and earned his crown by conquering the league.
So, you know what will change all of this? If Caitlin Clark starts winning and dominating in the WNBA. Right now, her team sucks (2-9 record) and so does she (15.6 ppg on 35 percent shooting). If people want the WNBA to be taken seriously, then they need to treat the WNBA likes all of the other leagues - which means that Count Chocula-looking mfers, like Chennedy Carter, are going to take a run at the "Golden Girl" until she proves she's the Golden Girl.
This is good for women's sports, actually. Look, I'm talking about the WNBA again, I looked up stats and now know the name of that Count Chocula looking mfer all because of a little drama! This is how career arcs are formed. Chill out.
Some eagle-eyed readers of this blog noticed recently that Paige Spiranac, the GOAT of all sport influencer eGirls, has been absent from the blog in recent weeks. In truth, Spiranac has not made a solo appearance in T.I.T.S. (coincidental acronym) since April 26th - which marks the longest drought for Paige-centric content we've seen on Flappr since this digest became a mainstay of the blog.
This was not intended to be a slight. Paige had taken somewhat of a content-making break and we felt like we'd give a little more love to newcomers like Mikayla Demaiter or underdogs with underboob, like Kayla Simmons. Ignoring Paige this week, however, after she posted that video to X? That would be journalistic malpractice and I think it's abundantly clear how seriously we guard our reputation.
This video is a banger. It's got it all. Outfit changes. Bikinis. Different hairstyle arrangements (over both right and left shoulders). It's like Paige knew she needed to regain her edge and jumpstart the summer eGirl season and decided to go nuclear. It worked. When we quote tweeted the video on Twitter, we commented that this video would be the subject of no less than 10 blogs . . . and we actually undersold the power of Paige - as of Thursday, 15 blogs have been written about that one video!
Look at that, the DDMTE template, updated and upgraded for Paige! That's two recurring bits that made comebacks this week! What a time to be alive.
We are sad to report that the haters and losers, of which there are many, have come for Kayla Simmons, alleging that her All-Natural Shoulder Boulders are instead Synthetic Silos of Silicone Superiority. Not that this would change our feelings towards Kayla, the "world's sexiest volleyball player", who says she wants to someday start a family and have two boys and a girl, like her own family. No, we've spent too much time to know that saline or natty, she's got the heart of a champion and that's what matters most.
That being said, we believe Ms. Simmons when she says that her bust remains natural. Natural breasts have a different appearance, texture, and durability than their surgically enhanced counterparts. Implants tend to look more uniform and symmetrical in appearance, while natural bosoms typically vary in shape and size. Moreover, silicone tends to look denser and sit more firmly upon the chest than natural bosoms - features not detectable with this set of Voluminous Volleyballs.
Finally, I just really like putting Bill Belichick in gifs with Kayla Simmons. They're clearly nonsensical, but it makes me laugh. I'm going to keep doing it for the foreseeable future and there's nothing you can do to stop me.
We must investigate the literalness of this BSO headline (for journalistic purposes):
Yeah, sure, it's a literal BSO headline. There weren't a lot of juicy BSO headlines to choose from this week, so I went with one that allowed me to assemble the Allied Powers of Paige, Kayla, and Sydney for this week's blog. I do so in honor of the 80th Anniversary of D-Day (or, in this case, DD-Day).
You know, I framed this inappropriately. I shouldn't treat the bravery of these heroes as a tongue-in-cheek reference to big-breasted women. I promise you that I hold these men in the highest regard. I apologize, this was dumb and careless.
Let me try again.
D-Day: 80 years later
On this solemn anniversary of D-Day, we must remember the extraordinary bravery and sacrifice of the brave American forces who stormed the beaches of Normandy 80 years ago. These young men, many barely out of their teens, faced unimaginable horrors as they disembarked from their landing crafts and charged into a hail of gunfire. They scaled cliffs with ropes and ladders, all while under constant bombardment from the entrenched Nazi defenders. Each step they took was a testament to their unwavering resolve and the selflessness they felt for the brothers beside them. Their courage and determination in the face of such adversity is a testament to the indomitable spirit of American courage and ingenuity that prevailed on that fateful day.
The anniversary of D-Day serves as a poignant reminder of the sacrifices required to secure our liberty and way of life. We must never forget the price they paid for our freedom. Their bravery and selflessness in the face of such overwhelming odds is a shining example of the best of humanity. We owe them a debt of gratitude that can never fully be repaid.
They were and still are the best of us.
Meme of the Week!
This week's honors goes to OG Flappr contributor, @apparentlysteve, for this very apropos take on America's reaction to the Trump verdict. I think it's more or less accurate to the reality on the ground as “prices are up nearly 20% since [Biden] took office and wage increases have not kept pace" - a quote from TIME magazine, not me. Attitudes may change over the next five-plus months, but for now . . . I think people are generally just trying to get by.
This meme was a MONSTER that ended up being stolen by several big accounts (like Charlie Kirk, who later atoned). As of the writing of this blog, this tweet racked up almost a million views, over 3800 RTs, and over 29K likes. The tweet was QT'd by Jason Miller, senior adviser to Donald Trump, and Chaya Raichik, of Libs of Tik Tok notoriety. They just don't get much bigger than this one.
I asked Steve to provide a comment on his win this week and here's what he shared with me for publication:
Well said, Steve. So true.
Great edition.😊
Okay, but I can't be the only one who doesn't believe the ass on the Instagram ass girl is real, right? People are going to question the authenticity of the World's Sexiest Volleyball Star's Wilsons, but just let that dumptruck pass through the weigh station without an inspection?
I don't think so!
Tremendous article, as always.
Ya Sundress season! Glad to see Mr. Pacino has returned to give his opinion.
Fun fact about the writer/director/creator of The Acolyte: she used to be Harvey Weinstein’s personal assistant