We've curated our own weekly digest of links from around the internet entitled "Tremendously Intriguing Topical Subjects" to help keep you abreast of very important news! We will deliver T.I.T.S. (coincidental acronym) to your inbox every Friday (if you subscribe to our blog)!
VERY Important MILF Feud of 2023 News!
We've been providing war correspondence coverage of the Most Intriguing Latin Female Feud of 2023 ("MILF Feud of 2023") between Salma Hayek and Sofia Vergara for two weeks now and it has been a lopsided affair. There is just no denying that Sofia Vergara's Colombian Casabas have dominated the early stages of this war, taking home convincing victories each week in this thirst-posting tête-à-tête. In fact, some military experts had begun to question whether or not Hayek possessed an arsenal strong enough to make this a fair fight.
Folks, , , it was only a matter of time.
In what many are calling the Curvaceous Coatzacoalcos Counter-Offensive, Salma Hayek unleashed her most devastating and, perhaps, cruel thirst posts of this entire enlarged entanglement.
If you've been following the MILF Feud of 2023 (and if you have, please seek help), last week Sofia Vergara announced her divorce from human Gigachad, Joe Manganiello.
Well, less than a week after the dissolution of Vergara's marriage was announced . . . Hayek took to Instagram to unload thirst with a matrimonial flare - let's investigate, shall we?
Now, we cannot be certain that Hayek intentionally posted an image of herself fraternizing with her French-Fortune-Having Fellow to mock the disunion of Vergara and Manganiello. In fact, she almost assuredly did not do the thing I just suggested that she did.
What we do know is that Hayek's Frida Kahlo-Keister Frolicked and her Massive Mexican Milkers moistened in the sun, leaving bonk-boys like @dmairharking wagging their tongues in the comments with statements like "Selma [sic] your are so beautifull [sic]❤️❤️❤️a wonderful Pictures from you😍😍😍Salma Hayek Big Boobs in the Pool🤩😍😘".
It is said that a war has not truly begun until both sides bleed (I literally just made that up, but it sounds cool). If that old adage remains true, then Great MILF Feud of 2023 has officially begun because there is no doubt that Salma Hayek's Voluptuous Vera Cruzan Chin Bangers won the day.
As always, we will continue to monitor The MILF Feud of 2023 for further developments.
Very Important News
DDMTE Update: SEVEN blogs written about Donna D'Errico posting photos of herself being hot on Instagram.
As always, we will continue to monitor DDMTE for further developments.
Nancy Mace: was way too horny at Tim Scott's prayer breakfast.
I am (an admittedly bad) Catholic, but even I know that you shouldn't talk about how you had to turn down your very horny boyfriend's desires for pre-marital morning sex at a prayer breakfast.
We get it, Nancy, you're attractive. You have massive Mace-y milkers. Your boyfriend cannot get enough of those South Carolinian Sweater Cannons and needs a taste each morning.
Just save the horny for your homelife - people don't need that while they're choking down some rubbery eggs and bacon.
Megan Fox: still posting absolute scorchers.
It's nice to see that Megan has not slowed down since her resurgence to relevance back in June 2023. Because. . . I mean, , , holy shit, right?
Is Jennifer Lopez seeing the Most Intriguing Latin Female Feud of 2023 and deciding to launch a Perky Puerto Rican Pincer attack?
No. No. No. These blogs are already too long. I can't add any more gimmicks.
Daily Mail: Irish music legend Sinead O'Connor dies aged 56
I'm not much into music, so I don't know much about Sinead O'Connor other than she was bald and ripped up a picture of Pope John Paul II on Saturday Night Live. I can kinda hum the song she is famous for in my head, but couldn't tell you any of the lyrics.
So, anyways, she died. RIP.
I think I might have new favorite person on Earth - the Skippy peanut butter selling King who told this ICU nurse that he saved more people than she did.
Now, this might be a hot take . . . but nurses have really gotten drunk off the praise that was foisted upon them during the pandemic.
Now, I'm not anti-nurse! I could never do the work that a nurse does during a shift in the ER! All I'm saying is that these ICU nurses really do love telling you about how important and heroic they are. They do perform a very important job, but I mean, we saw all those TikTok dance routines. . . it wasn't like y'all were "saving lives" the whole time.
Enter the Skippy King, who waltzes in, throws his giant, salty, nuts on the table, and lets this nurse know that his peanut butter was the REAL hero of the pandemic. Dude went full Oppenheimer on her and nuked her with creamy, peanut-buttery, goodness.
Just an absolute mad lad. I'm in awe.
No Context, Beautiful Woman Wearing Sundress:
It is a sin and those aren't trolls, honey, you're getting visited from the THOT Patrol.
So our friend, Larissa, here is a 24 year old Miss Bum Bum 2023 contestant and says that she "she loves having sex three times a day for a minimum of two hours each time".
That actually seems unhealthy.
I can see a two-hour sex session being something a couple does on occasion, but three times a day? I mean, who the fuck are we kidding here? Who has the time, stamina and/or available bodily fluids to fuck for six hours each day? I don't and wouldn't want to fuck that much if I could.
If you ate ice cream for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day for a year, it would stop being a treat, you know what I mean? There can be too much of a good thing and 6 hours of sex a day is way too much sex.
I'm happy for the dude that dumped this nymph - she's definitely attractive (big bum bum and all) but if she needs dick that frequently, she might be a LITERAL succubus.
Selena Gomez: turned 31.
Genuinely had no idea her boobs were that big until this year. We're they always that big? I mean, they're REALLLLY big. Absolute 30-Something-Shipwreckers, if we're gonna be honest.
Feel like I would've known that they were that big.
Meet Kristin: Squat Queen and Sundress (wrap around skirt) Nationalist!
The Flappr Community is among the greatest ever assembled.
First things, first - congrats to this woman on having really nice boobs.
And ladies, , , I feel for you on this one. Wedding dress shopping is one of those things that does seem like a total pain in the ass (though, I've been told it's like one the most exciting times in a woman's life).
Lots of looking, trying stuff on, fittings, measurements, losing weight, gaining weight . . . all that stuff seems like a particularly miserable experience. I feel bothered when it's time to go get a haircut, so I do actually have sympathy here.
Imagine then, after all that, going to your final fitting and finding out your titties are too big for the dress - that's just cruel. I feel for her.
Silver lining, though - she has fantastic Massive Matrimonial Mammaries (h/t @HeronCapital).
Folks, , , , I saw your comments about the hairy broads last week, but this story must be covered. Every single week this summer, Rupert Murdoch-owned media have been pushing some pro-women-who-don't-shave propaganda. In fact, between The NY Post and The Sun, this is the SEVENTH straight week they've published a story promoting a hairy women agenda.
I am just trying to bring this to your attention while there's still something we can do about this, before its not too late. I don't want to live in a world where women have pits that too closely resemble chinchillas. Sorry, not sorry.
We will continue to cover this disturbing trend until they stop publishing these articles.
Fellas, , , , I know some of you are struggling to find Miss Right (or even Miss Right Now). I know some of your are lonely and hornt up to the maxxx, but I am begging you to not doing this to yourselves.
I don't know where all this escapism leads, but it sure doesn't seem like it's anywhere good.
I'm only occasionally serious on this blog, but you cannot succumb to allowing AI generated THOTs replace reality. Yes, that digitized dumper LOOKS enticing, but you cannot degrade yourself to this level. You cannot give up on the pursuit of a real woman and a real family.
You can do this. You WILL do this. I believe in you.
PLUS: Abby Shapiro is EVISCERATES the woke Barbie movie!
Go subscribe to Abby's YouTube Channel, support her work!
Very Important Meme of the Week
This week's honor goes to a meme that's not exactly a meme "per se", but did expertly connect two stories that were at the top of Twitter yesterday.
On the left, you have Democrat Rep. Greg Casar who launched a hilariously pathetic nine-hour “thirst strike” to help draw attention to a bill that would mandate water breaks for people who work outdoors.
On the right, you have Rep. Nancy Mace, the Stacked-South-Carolinian, who had to refuse sex with her boyfriend to attend Tim Scott's annual prayer breakfast and then. . . decided to tell everyone about it.
It's just really well constructed and a great tweet.
PLUS: Nancy Mace actually smashed like on the joke.
If you get a congresswoman to like a joke you made about her sex life, well. . . that's meme of the week material.
Congrats @cosmopterix!
10/10, very thirsty, indeed.
Other Important News
Hunter Biden: had his very bizarre plea deal rejected in a very bizarre way.
Steve Cohen: accidentally invented separate locker-rooms for men and women.
Some context on this: Cohen was responding to the testimony from Paula Scanlan, who was a member Penn's women’s swim team with penis-haver, Lia Thomas. Ms. Scanlan shared that she was sexually assaulted and did not enjoy having to share a locker room with a "6-foot-4 tall biological male, fully intact with male genitalia 18 times per week".
Cohen's response is very telling - all of us, regardless of what we may force ourselves to say for political or ideological reasons, know what is happening here is wrong and makes no sense. Cohen's common sense betrayed his political sense here and he didn't realize until that hilarious pause. . . but it was too late. Thank you for inventing separate bathrooms, Rep Cohen!
Ted Cruz: noticed something that more in media should've.
There is a big and important difference between what Joe Biden said during his campaign "I've never talked to my son about his business deal" and what his press secretary started saying a few weeks ago: "The president has never been in business with his son".
The evidence of the former being a complete lie is pretty staggering right now, so they've shifted the goal post to something akin to "both their names do not appear on business documents together!"
Which, if you think about it, makes sense - you wouldn't conduct an international bribery scheme under "Biden Family Bribe Scheme, LLC".
Diane Feinstein: . . . . yeah.
I don't like Diane Feinstein. What she did during the Kavanaugh confirmation hearings was gross and among the dirtiest political stunts I've seen in my lifetime.
Still, I don't like seeing any elderly person struggle and be treated like a child. It breaks my heart. We really should start seriously looking into age and/or term limits for our elected officials.
Cocaine Mitch: also . . . yeah.
This looked really bad, like McConnell had a stroke of something, but he did come back and answer questions and says he's "fine". Really did not look good, though. . . hope he just made the mistake of trusting a fart and shidded his pants or something.
Apparently, this guy was an early Twitter user and swiped the account name "@X" and then Elon Musk woke up this week, decided he wanted that handle for himself and didn't pay him anything (although he did, apparently offer him . . . merchandise?).
This is a dick move. If you're going to pull that type of shenanigans (and you're the richest man in the world) you have make good and throw this guy some cash in exchange for "@X".
For fucks sake, give the dude a free Tesla or something.
Hollywood In Toto: Here’s the Only Reason to See ‘Haunted Mansion’ 2.0
The only movies I see in theaters these days are family movies, because I have kids and sometimes you need to find something to do with them. I keep an eye out for movies that might thread the very tight needle of being a movie intended for children and not being filled with weird neo-Marxist shit.
Barbie did not thread that needle - that movie looks like it was intended for millennial women with no children and three (or more) cats.
Have seen the trailer for Haunted Mansion and it looks like it's intended for tweens and 45 year old "Disney Adults" (aka "Losers") and I don't think tweens give two shits about a movie based on an amusement park ride.
We've reached a very weird time where the studios seem intent on only making big budget, tent-pole, films for 20 and 30-somethings with disposable income. It doesn't seem like it's been a winning strategy.
National Review: Anheuser-Busch Lays Off Nearly 400 Corporate Workers as Bud Light Backlash Continues
400 people lost their jobs because some marketing executive thought Bud Light was "too fratty" and nuked the company by hiring a dude who pretends to be a woman.
Imagine reading that sentence in 2010.
Charles C. W. Cooke / National Review: The War on Context Comes for Florida’s History Curriculum
The one in which Charlie does a better job of defending Florida's history curriculum than Ron DeSantis who, for some reason, hasn't taken this opportunity to expose Kamala Harris as dumb and dishonest.
I mean, really, the current accusation that "Florida is teaching that slavery was a benefit to slaves" is just a fucking bald-faced-lie. The curriculum includes 189 topics, which basically all focus on the tyranny of human bondage, and one of those 189 talks about how some slaves learned skills.
Which they did - and acknowledging as much does not in any way endorse slavery.
Update: DeSantis took the opportunity to expose Kamala Harris as dumb and dishonest.
A government whistleblower came forward to expose that aliens are real, they're here, they've been here and the government has been covering it up for decades.
This hearing barely made a dent in the public consciousness this week. Dude said he found ET in a crashed spaceship and nobody seems to give a fuck.
Seems like one of the most important thing to ever happen in the history of the planet, no?
The Washington Free Beacon: Starbucks Hired Eric Holder To Conduct a ‘Civil Rights Audit.’ The Policies He Blessed Got the Coffee Maker Sued
This might be the funniest thing you'll read all week and the Washington Free Beacon really is an under-appreciated gem. You should read them more.
Zero Hedge: Feds Drop Campaign Finance Charge Against SBF
Alternate headline: "Biden DOJ Drops Campaign Finance Charge Against Doughy, Creepy, Biden Donor"
Barstool Sports / Jerry Thornton: Sam Bankman-Fried is Facing Jail Time His Crime? Leaking His Weirdo Orgy Cult Girlfriend's Journal Entries
Ahh there you go. Justice!
Animal Magnetism: Animal's Daily Free Market News
A touching send off to Tony Bennett, an all-timer crooner, who passed away this week at age 96.
Thompson, blog: Sudden-Onset Womanhood and Ladies, Avert Your Eyes
You should really bookmark and make David Thompson part of your weekly reading diet.
The Other McCain: Feds Are Mystified Why Syrian Named Mohamad Planned Terrorist Attack and The Hottest Team in Baseball
Was legitimately shocked to learn that the Baltimore Orioles are good. Was sadded to realize that I didn't recognize more than 5 players on their current roster.
Gunnar Henderson?! That's got to be a create-a-player from MLB: The Show.
The Most Libtarded Thing You'll See This Week:
Look at Ice Cube's face at the end of this clip, dude runs the whole gamut: clear-eyed clarification, to confusion, to anger, to laughing disbelief, to resignation that they're serious and we're all fucked.
It is always entertaining to observe someone experience what it's like to deal with Marxist weirdos and their weirdo Marxist ideology for the first time.
"Huh, what? I literally said 'black people'. What the fuck are you talking about? The word people is inclusive of both men and women. Do words not have any meaning to you weirdos? What's that? Words don't have any meaning anymore? Oh. . . well, I guess we're all fucked then."
Many such cases!
Important News, BUT Sports
NFL Training Camp: is here, finally.
I genuinely don't understand how players voted to rank Justin Fields (86) ahead of Trevor Lawrence (96). I am certainly hoping that their careers justify this rating, but if you watched these two dudes play last year, Trevor Lawrence was slinging the ball all over the field and was , arguably, a top 3 quarterback the last two months of the season while Justin Fields. . . is a good runner.
Here's hoping #1 in blue and burnt orange learns how to find open receivers this season!
Joe Burrow: oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.
I don't even really like the Bengals (cool uniforms, though), but Burrow going down for any prolonged period of time is genuinely a terrible thing for football and football fans.
Here's hoping that Joe Cool only had a cramp or something. With that type of hobbling, it sure does look like it could be a blown achilles, though.
Update: it was just a strained calf!
Barstool Sports: Sofia Vergara Is Going Viral For A Video Showing Her Masterclass Of Ageless Performance Through The Last Three Decades
I don't know if Sofia Vergara paid someone to put this together, with the sole aim of clapping back at Salma Hayek in the ongoing MILF Feud of 2023. In fact, I'm almost certain that she didn't. But if she had, it would be a truly devastating example of psychological warfare.
Barstool / Jerry Thornton: Gronk Gives Details of How He Avoided a Fate Worse Than Death - a Trade to Detroit - by Being 'a Douchebag'
Jerry Thornton really is one of Barstool's most underrated assets. I'm not even a Patriots fan and he makes reading about their team a worthwhile proposition.
Alternate headline: "ESPN To Test New Thing That Nobody Asked For And That Nobody (Including Women) Wants; Nation Suffers"
I swear, Disney and Bob Iger just fucking love to set money on fire.
There is something incredibly sexy about a woman cheering for her husband while he competes at anything. In something completely unrelated, I play men's league hockey and my wife has literally never attended a game. This is not something I am salty about.
Speaking of hockey . . . this girl was a goalie and I am genuinely curious about the physics involved each time she took a puck off the chest. Goalies do wear thick chest protectors, but would those Gargantuan-Goal-Grid Lockers project the puck back at opposing players?
Would they be *gasp* all bruised up after a game? These are things worth pondering.
Listen, I don't know what incentive Floyd has to lie about this. . . but he's not known for being a dude who keeps things close to the vest. In fact, Floyd is more known for never shutting the fuck up (which is why people love him).
So I have some doubts that Floyd actually saw Tupac get killed in Vegas. Color me skeptical.
Genuinely love that BSO reviewed Oppenheimer. I haven't seen the movie yet, so I don't want to read this review . . . but you should!
I mean. . . "We Blowing Up Sh*t" is just perfection.
I've never heard of Karin Hart before. . . let's investigate the literalness of this BSO headline.
BSO Headline Literalness Rating: This is a very literal BSO headline.
I'm going to make a call here that might surprise some folks. . . Karin Hart qualifies as actually deserving of the moniker "Paige Spiranac Rival". Yes, I know, I've been critical of the way such blasphemy has been deployed in the past. . . but Karin is really attractive and I'm actually shocked that BSO didn't anoint her that in the headline.
I mean, holy shit right?
Paige Spiranac: wants you to learn how to properly strike your balls.
We're sorry, Paige. We still love you best, but Karin is . . . I mean, we have journalistic ethics to consider here - we have to be honest and be faithful arbiters of the truth!
Flappr Blogs
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Women, you need to shave your dang pits!
After an absence, it is good to have our up and coming TITS super star back. Although, I may doubt Miss Mikayla's hockey prowess, I would be a proud American to share a locker room with her and talk goaltending!