We've curated our own weekly digest of links from around the internet entitled "Tremendously Intriguing Topical Subjects" to help keep you abreast of very important news! We will deliver T.I.T.S. (coincidental acronym) to your inbox every Friday (if you subscribe to our blog)!
Very Important News!
Paige Spiranac: dropped her own swimsuit calendar.
I'm a respectable father, upstanding member of my community and it's the year of our Lord 2023 - so I have no use for and would never buy a calendar.
But if I was going to buy a calendar . . . it would be this one.
Holy shit, right?
Heather Graham is one of the most lo-key, underrated, women of her era. Despite an impressive acting career, which include The Hangover, Austin Powers and, of course, Boogie Nights, Graham has never really been embraced in manner that befits her . . . ample talents.
That should change. Heather Graham is now 53 and looks pretty much the same as she did when lifted that romper over her head in her portrayal of 'Roller Girl' in Boogie Nights.
It's not like that scene was seared into my 15-year-old brain for eternity or anything. . .
*clears throat*
Moving on. . .
Flappr has a merch store. The URL for Flappr's merch store is ClothOff.com. Horny men from India, presumably looking to crank one out to bobs and vegana, mistakenly visit ClothOff.com and learn it's a store for a random (not smut) blog.
This is all true. This blog is funny. Go read give it a read.
In Chris Rock's 2004 stand up special "Never Scared" he accurately captures the mission for all good fathers: "As a father, you have only one job to do: Keep your daughter off the pole . . . If she's dancin' on a pole, you fucked up!"
OnlyFans is the new stripper pole.
Dads, keep your daughters off of OnlyFans.
According to this story, women are getting modest breast enhancements to look sexier while wearing sweaters during fall and winter months.
From the article:
"Eve Dadon . . . went from a bra size 36A to a full 36B after getting the sweater boob surgery in May. 'Being able to wake up in the morning, put on a cute sweater without a bra and head out the door for work has completely changed my life . . . . I feel so much cuter, so much sexier when I get dressed each day, because I’m able to wear whatever I want and still look modest."
I often criticize the Murdoch Media Empire for publishing stories of women that promote a hairy minge lifestyle, so I must praise them when they behave responsibly.
This is pro boob propaganda is fantastic journalism. Well done, Murdoch.
Mailman rolls up to a house on his route, asks if he can use the "loo" and then proceeds to take a giant stinky dump in their toilet.
This is a psycho move but it's also kind of a Chad move too, though, right? I mean, there is nothing more masculine than marking your territory and dropping a Cleveland Steamer in someone else's house is peak territory marking behavior.
I think the mailman owns this lady's house now. Under old English Common Law, she might technically be his wife. There is no coming back from this.
Are you happy now, trolls? You bullied this barrel-chested beauty into getting a breast reduction. I am happy that this girl feels better after her reduction, but this is still a desceration. You trolls are no better than the climate psychos who threw tomato soup on Van Gogh's Sunflowers at the National Gallery in London.
And what the fuck are 'burger nips' anyways? That doesn't even make sense!
Everyone knows that the correct term for the teats on extremely large breasts is
'baloney nips'! What the hell are they teaching kids in school these days!
Sad day. Very sad.
After this woman was kicked out of her church, I defended her in my critically acclaimed piece entitled Smoking Mormon MILF Martyred For Massive Milkers (though I did also agree with the Church's decision to kick her out of their congregation).
I am sad to report that I must officially rescind my support. I cannot defend this type of public display of MILF-thottery. Yes, she's attractive. Yes, she looks good. But keep your fucking OnlyFans kink shit within the confines of your abode.
Kids don't need to see a smoking MILF dressed in a satan-esque dominatrix get-up at the grocery store. We live in a society, dammit!
She does have a nice butt, though. . . what do you think, Al Pacino from Heat?
Yes, we are in agreement on that one, Al Pacino from Heat. But I still cannot abide public acts of degeneracy like this one.
Support fully rescinded.
Less Important News
This Week: was fucking rough, folksss.
Since we last convened the Middle East turned upside down. Hamas Terrorists (kind of redundant, tbh) invaded Israel and killed over a thousand civilians (including women and children) in barbaric, horrific and cowardly fashion.
I don't want to go into the specifics because they're fucking grim. The videos are out there. They're all very bad. None of this is good.
At least 22 American citizens are among the dead and 17 more are missing.
Not really sure what to say here other than that these were atrocities. The side that butchered babies and raped/killed women and then spat on their corpses are certainly not THE GOOD GUYS here!
It's only somewhat heartening that corporate America has finally decided that there are lines that even progressive libtards cannot cross. It's a shame that line was drawn at 'celebrating the brutal murder of civilians' instead of 'cheering for the death of unvaccinated Americans who died from COVID' or 'celebrating looting and rioting in major American cities' or, well . . any number of insane things that libtards have said over the past decade.
Guess we'll have to settle for 'the porn star got fired from Playboy' cuz she celebrated the brutal murder of civilians on Twitter'.
Speaking of . . . .
Jarvis Best / Flappr: Torts Illustrated - A Full-Throated Defense of Mia K
Sometimes everybody needs a laugh. We do try and fill that role for you. Jarvis is very clever and this blog was fun to work on with him.
Go give it a read.
Cenk Uyghur: who was born in Turkey and once supported legalizing sex with a horse, is running for President.
Given that Article II, Section 1 of the US Constitution explicitly states that "no Person except a natural born Citizen […] shall be eligible to the Office of President" it's ponderous that Cenk even decided to pull this publicity stunt. But it could be funny to see Cenk attack Biden from his right(?). We live in very strange times.
Yet, the question remains - Will Cenk's campaign have any impact on the 2024 race? Experts say "neigh".
The Other McCain: Rule 5 Sunday: I’m In Love With Shouko’s Mom; ‘Palestinian Resistance’ = Beheading Babies and The Annual Admiral of the Ocean Sea Appreciation Post
The one in which Wombat-socho reflects on 1492 . . .
From the article:
"This is the day when we remember the brave Genoese navigator who talked Queen Isabella of Spain into financing an expedition intended to sail west across the Atlantic to the Indies and their fabulous spices, avoiding obstreperous Moors and well-armed Portuguese. As we all know now, there were some sizable continents in the way, which became an abundant source of gold, silver, souls and lands where hungry young Spaniards could found estates of their own."
Animal Magnetism: Animal's Daily Legacy Media News
The one in which Animal savages the whores that make up our mainstream, regime, media apparatus.
David Thompson: Insert Coin For Dancing Monkey
The one in which David asks you to support his tireless work on Thompson, blog.
I encourage you to do so, he's a good 'bloke', has been a good friend and has been one of only a few writers / bloggers / content creators who have supported our Good Thing, Bad Thing? series on revolutions.
If you can spare a few 'quid' for this 'mate', please do. He's a talented dude.
Important News, BUT Sports
TNF: The Chiefs won a snoozefest.
The Chiefs offense is still lackluster. The Broncos looked hopeless in this game.
Taylor Swift was there, probably as one final promotional stop before her movie comes out. The game was incredibly boring.
The Chiefs have beaten the Broncos in 16 consecutive games. The last time the Broncos beat the Chiefs, Peyton Manning was their QB. These are actual stats.
Flappr: The Big TDs Football Blog: Quarter Season Review (NFC); and The Big TDs Football Blog: Quarter Season Review (AFC)
Yes, that's from me. I wrote these mammoth reviews because I like football and I like to entertain you. Please, go read them. They're good and fun and funny and worth your time if you like football.
Please, just go read them.
Connor Bedard: scored the first goal of his hockey career.
One of the coolest things about watching sports is that sometimes, you get to see an athlete take the field/ice/court and it just looks different. Make no mistake - all of the dudes you see on TV are elite human specimens, but every once in a while a player enters a league and his god-given ability makes him pop off the screen.
You know it when you see it. When dudes like Connor McDavid, Sidney Crosby, Mike Trout, Ken Griffey Jr., Kobe Bryant and yes, even human yeast infection, LeBron James, made their debuts they all made playing the sport look effortless and poetic. For these generational talents, the game looks slow to them, they play two steps ahead and . . . it just looks different.
Connor Bedard looks like one of those players. This 18-year-old from Vancouver has one of the sickest wrist shots I've ever seen. It's filthy and better than men in his league that are 10-15 years older than him.
Even if you don't like Hockey, tune in when this kid is playing. He's got the goods.
Jerry Thornton / Barstool Sports: The Patriots Have Officially Entered the 'Kraft is Angry and Ready to Fire Belichick' Phase of the Post-Dynasty Era
From the article:
"I've been dreading ever having to write this since the day I first started writing for Barstool back in 2004. But Bill Belichick is coaching for his job right now. And it's fair to question if all of his players are fully invested in helping him keep that job."
I unabashedly love Bill Belichick and this makes me very sad. I don't want BB to go out this way. I don't think America makes hard nose, strict, genius-level battle commanders like Bill Belichick anymore.
If Belichick was the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, he would not sit before congress and blubber on about how he wants to learn more about 'white rage'. Likewise, there would be no mandatory 'inclusivity trainings' for our troops. There would be only one message and that message would be 'do your job'.
America needs more Bill Belichicks, not less.
Kirk Cousins: doesn't want to talk about being traded.
Kirk Cousins is basically Schrödinger's Quarterback in that he exists in a state of constantly being so underrated that he's good and so overrated that he's bad.
If the Vikings trade Cousins now or let Cousins walk after the end of the season, it's a decision they will regret. Cousins is not the reason the Vikings are 1-4 and sits comfortably within the "guy you can win with" category of QBs and the Vikings could win with him if they fixed their atrocious defense.
The Vikings (1-4) visit Soldier Field this weekend to play the Bears (1-4) and are 2.5 point road favorites (lol) to win the game. Given that Justin Jefferson will miss the game due to injury and how well Justin Fields has played the past two weeks, I have every reason to pick the Bears. But, I am a Bears fan and I know better.
My Pick: Vikings 27, Bears 24
Mark Davis is a weird dude, who travels 400 miles to get a weird haircut, who goes to P.F. Changs almost every day and also somehow owns an NFL Team. Mark Davis is a quirky guy who says corny stuff like "People ask me where I grew up, and I say, ‘I haven’t".
Mark Davis is so weird that he's flipped back around and I now find him endearing. Every photo of him makes me giggle. It is very on brand for Mark Davis to be dating an Australian musician writer named 'Orianthi'. No last name - just 'Orianthi'
I am very happy for Mark Davis. Slay that Aussussy, king!
Of the few comments I get on this blog (YOU SHOULD COMMENT MORE!), many of them are from readers asking for more Mikayla. I get it, I mean. . . holy shit, right? But I musk ask - when do we stop referring to her as a 'hockey goalie'?
Is playing amaetur hockey like holding government office? Do people have to refer to you as 'goalie' in the same way a president is always referred to as "president?'
Mikayla is a model/influencer/pants raiser now. That's OK! She's fantastic in her new career! I'm just saying that the continued reference to Mikayla as 'Hockey Goalie, Mikayla Demaiter' feels like a marketing gimmick for a girl in no need to gimmicks to draw attention to herself.
Food for thought.
We must investigate the literalness of this BSO headline (journalism purposes):
BSO Headline Literalness Rating: lololol, yup, that's Apollonia Llewellyn showing off massive cleavage in an unbuttoned white top. This was a very literal BSO headline.
I would also note that Apollonia is seemingly always referred to as 'Ring Girl Apollonia Llewellyn' but based upon my research, she's only 'ring girled' one boxing match. As mentioned above, this feels like a marketing gimmick and is unfair to professional 'ring girls' who dedicated their lives to the craft in hopes of one day attaining the title of 'Ring Girl'.
Food for thought.
Very Important Meme of the Week
This week's winner comes to us from @drefanzor for this pow wow perfect celebration of 'indigenous peoples day' starring Elizabeth Warren.
Given what I know about video editing, this meme was not easy to make. It had to have taken a fair amount of time to line up the motion tracking on Chief Lizzie's head. This meme could've been 10 seconds, without the singing, and it would've been funny. Instead, @drefanzor went for the full monty.
That's insane. That's dedication. That's a 10/10.
Some Flappr Blogs
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I throughly enjoyed reading this! Thanks Bartleby.
I have to agree with you about OnlyFans as today's stripper pole.
CLEVELAND STEAMER!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
If Columbus or Anaheim got Bedard you wouldn't have said a word about hockey. Think you may be 'bandwagon' hockey types. I'm watching, always watching...
Just because it is no longer sundress season in the Northern hemisphere, and as nice as sweater boobs are (and they certainly are) , I would like to remind the frisky flappr fandom there is an entire Southern hemisphere where it will soon be...yep!...sundress season.