VIVA LA RESISTANCE

I KNOW what you must be thinking: "OMG, is that Barnaby? Why is Barnaby posting on Flappr after he was unceremoniously fired for making a poo on floor of the Flappr reception area in response to Bartleby‘a refusal to lease an adjacent office solely for the purpose of installing bathrooms for each of the current known genders?!".

Me IRL after forcing out that RESISTANCE log.

Trust me, I am just as shocked as you are that I am back writing for this LITERAL fascistic operation, but - I came across this wistful tweet yesterday and became very nostalgic for that one week I worked here:

So, when I learned that Flappr might suspend operations next week - my hyper-sentimentality (I LITERALLY saved the tears I shed when my doctor told me he couldn't give me an abortion because I wasn't pregnant and don't have ovaries) kicked in and I couldn’t help myself. I said “what the heck” and decided to post one last blog and kick some dirt on this heaping pile of white supremacy.

So what have I been up to, you ask?

Well, I am happy to report that I am working for Georgia Governor Stacy Abrams and "The Resistance"!!!!!!!!!!

What is 'The Resistance"? Haven't you heard? It's a small group of VERY CONCERNED activists that are fighting against the POWER in this country to protect the rights of various EXTREMELY disadvantaged communities, such as: BIPOC, GAY, Extremely Progressive Democrats, POC-non-BI, AAPI, Joe Biden, LGBTQ, LGBTTTQ+, SEIU, Teachers Unions, Journalists, Antifa, Brian Stelter, Furries, Liberal White Women, AAPI Women, BIPOC Women and Fat Liberal Women, to name a few.

I can't tell you how amazing it feels to be a part of a very small insular group of freedom fighters pushing BACK against the system. I mean, just last week, we were in a meeting with Jack Dorsey, Kamala Harris, Tim Cook, Kathy Griffin, Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos, the Commissioner of Major League Baseball, 99% of tenured College Professors, every single person on television outside except for Tucker Carlson, Lady Gaga, George Soros, Satan, Chrissy Teigan, Meghan Markle, the Guy who runs Google (ugh, not hot, not even going to look up his name), LeBron James, Oprah, and the entire US Women's National Soccer Team discussing how best we could wield the little power we have to try and locate and doxx some fascist troll who called Prince Harry a "cuck" on Twitter.

I mean, I remember sitting there amongst these brave guerilla warriors and thinking "this is what it must have felt like to be a member of the "Sons of Liberty" planning an attack against the British Empire". Then I remembered that all of those men we're irredeemable racists, took off my belt and handed it to Gwenyth Paltrow so I could be flogged for penance.

But, make no mistake, being a part of 'The Resistance' isn't all fun and games - it's extremely stressful. I mean, just imagine if you worked for an underground political activist group and doing battle everyday where your only allies are: all of Hollywood, all of education, all of medicine, corporate America, every professional sports league, the Democrat Party, all of the corporate media, most of Wall Street, every Big Tech company and all of their employees, and the Furries? I mean - if I didn’t want a job in one of these industries, I could be in real trouble.

Think about this - my boss, Governor Abrams, had me start a bot farm the other day in coordination with Twitter in order to bully Major League Baseball and their sponsors to move the Baseball Super Bowl out of Georgia (or whatever it's called, I don't watch sports). With the use of thousands of automated accounts tweeting "you're a racist, jim-crow supporting, fascist" we succeeded in totally bringing a professional sports league to its knees and they capitulated to our demands.

Sounds great, right? Well, not so fast - after the damage was done, we discovered that moving the game out of Atlanta will cost BIPOC owned businesses like a 100 million dollars or whatever and people slightly criticized Governor Abrams for her role in this decision. Governor Abrams was so mad that she forced me to serve as human furniture while our group came up with an appropriate response.

I love my job and yes those heels looked amazing on me.

It took us all night, but thankfully 'The Resistance' explained away this scandal by telling the media that any and all criticism of Governor Abrams was "just proof of systemic white supremacy". The media ate it up and people actually apologized to HER for costing people in her community millions of dollars!

So amazing.

Anyways - it was nice to return to Flappr to let you know how things are going and to let you know that 'The Resistance' will likely be coming for you - and sooner than you think.

On that note, I must get back to work. Governor Abrams has tasked me with bullying Merriam-Webster to change the definition of 'Resistance' to mean "a group in a society exercising power and influence over matters of policy or taste, and seen as resisting change". You know, like “The Establishment”, but with better branding.

So long, everyone! I hope you all enjoy the 'Re-Education Camps' - which 'The Resistance' has already re-defined as "a place where large numbers of people, especially political prisoners are deliberately imprisoned in a relatively small area with inadequate facilities, sometimes to provide forced labor or to await mass execution."

Bon Voyage!